Sorry
 

Yes... I couldn't get it off my mind and have failed. When my husband asked me for a beer...which is rare, I used at as an excuse to open the wine... ALREADY!!!! I have lasted a day. I just kept thinking about it. His beer offered me the opening I had been waiting for. I apologize for my previous posts and will return when I evidently am more serious about pursuing this issue. I thought this time it was for real. Sorry.

you have not failed, you are learning a great deal about yourself

be nice & kind, TO YOU!

Maybe you're just not ready yet. Don't be so hard on yourself. You can always try again. No reason to leave the board. (((HUGS)))

SR is *for* people struggling Laura.
Stick around...

D

Hey,I stopped every day for 45 years, I'm a slow learner.

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas Edison

I'm on day 81, and life is good, but then I'm easily pleased by the simple things in life--like life.

If everyone left who had relapsed around here it would be awful quiet here!!

You learned something today. Not a good idea to get a beer for your hubby. I had a similar experience a few days ago. My dad asked me to pick up some beer for some friends they were having over. No problem, I said, beer was never much of an issue for me. Then he said, also why don't you stop by the ABC and pick up a bottle of brandy. Bells and lights go off in my head. They also sell rum there. I like rum. Maybe I'll pick up a bottle of rum. Everyone else will be drinking tonight, why not me? And so it was done.

The next day I felt like crap, much like you. Posted here, as you have. And was welcomed back, as you are welcome. I learned that going to the ABC is a bad idea for me, duh!! Doesn't take a brain surgan to figure out an alcoholic probably should stay out of a liquer store, but none the less, it was a lesson learned. I told my Dad about it, he said he was sorry for even putting me in that situation and won't do it again.

I don't know if your husband is supportive of your stopping drinking or not, if he is, tell him about it. If not, it's a bit tougher, but you have to take care of you. If he insists on drinking around you, let him get his own beer.

Stick around, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes and successes of others here. Take care.

No need to leave SR....please relax
Many of us had false starts before we actually quit.
:yup:

Thank you so much guys. I just feel so weak and stupid. I spent all day doing things that I like doing to try to keep my mind off of it. I read even here that the first week is easy. It is as though I was just waiting for an excuse. It's just pathetic.

I just don't feel I deserve your company yet.

Take good care of yourself. Maybe drink some water and try to get some rest?

Old AA saying....:)

"Sit down, we don't shoot our wounded"

Well...my first weeks were never easy...:no:
Yes...I did return to drinking after I decided to quit.
Took me 4 years to actually stop.

And that is not something I recommend as a time line.

You did not committ murder or treason
you drank wine again.
That can be overcome.

Hi Laura, recovery is a journey. By coming here you have made a start on that journey, it is a bit soon to give up. :) Don't be discouraged, it isn't easy for anyone.

Aaahhh Laura,
I know that feeling of worthlessness but no need for you to go climb back into the bottle full time! It may take a try or two but you can do this!!!
Stick around and know that you have support here, no matter what mistakes you make.
I liked what Tyler said, if everyone left here that relapsed, it would be awfully quiet here :)

This is just your disease talking. We need eachother! We are all just doing this together, doing our best to just not drink, one day at a time. Please keep comin back!!!!

I'm so sorry Laura, but don't beat yourself up. You can always try again. I look forward to seeing you back here!

Lauren,

I hope you stick around SR. There's so much support here.

This disease is very diabolical and relentless and can so quickly mess with your mind, as you found out.

I hope you continue to read and post.

Please don't leave, Laura. It's hard. We know. :)

Please stay. We're all here on this journey together. As Dee said, SR is for people struggling with this demon. This is a SUPPORT forum. We're here to support you in getting sober. Please stick around.

"we strive for ... progress, not perfection"
 

I feel your pain - I've screwed up numerous times since my 3 month stay in treatment back in Nov. 2008. I am still trying though - we have to! Today I have 80 days! My new sobriety date is April 12th of this year (easter sunday) and only then because I was sitting in JAIL and the truth of my sickness was all around me. God was my only friend at that time - and thanks to him, I have the gift of salvation (even if I keep messing up) as long as I keep trying! Hang in there - DO NOT GIVE UP! And do not beat yourself up!

Sometimes it's hard to learn unpleasant things about ourselves. I can tell this was a bit of an eye opener for you. This forum is for people just like you, like me, and like the next person regardless of where they are in their quest to feel better and live healthier.

It's hard to find out that alcohol might have a bit of control in your life, I know it was for me. I remember waiting for that 'permission'.. the invite, the hubby drinking.. it was only when I told him that I had to quit and quit for good that I started to win the battle, because until then, I knew I'd always have an 'out'.

It's tough stuff.. I too had a bunch of false starts. Stick around!!!

Laura, I think it's safe to say that almost everybody in this place has experienced what you experienced the crummy feeling of shame (or whatever) at not being able to quit. If at first you don't succeed...

What I've found is that once you commit, all those things that get in the way of your sobriety lose a lot of power. The booze never loses its power over you, and that's why you stay away from it.

It sounds like you really want to get sober. Just keep trying and don't beat yourself up too bad. We've all been there.

Hi LauraAnderson,

I hope you do stick around. I am new to this as well. Just joined last Sunday. I did not have perfect success in my first week of "sobriety." However, it was a HUGE improvement from the way I had been drinking. So I consider it a partial success. I will continue to be on here, reading posts, evaluating my situation, etc. and I hope you do as well.

I think for those of us who are perfectionists (like me, and possibly you) we can get discouraged if we don't succeed 100% the first time. I think we need to adjust our thinking to: this is not an all or nothing deal. Just because you don't succeed 100% on the first go round, that does not mean you should stop trying. Maybe it will be incremental improvements, I don't know. I think the key is to make some goals for yourself, perhaps baby steps at first... and try to achieve them. I don't think there's a right or wrong here, I just think we all to figure out what's going to work for us to either: cut down or stop drinking, whichever the case may be.

Anyways, I hope you stick around.

I used to do the same thing until even my hubby going out and having a drink with friends meant that somehow I could drink alone. Its a vicious cycle and it takes a while for us to see it. Took me YEARS!! Glad to have you back!

Shelly

Laura I do hope you'll listen to what all the others have said too. When I first failed I felt guilty and ashamed and I stayed away. There is so much great support here and when you are ready we'll be here.

Don't feel like a failure. Winners never quit and quitters never win. ;)

Dear Laura,

(((((Large Big Hugs)))))! You have not given up and that is a wonderful thing! You also admitted to everyone the "power that alcohol has over you". It takes a great deal of courage to face your demon, alcohol and to have admitted to all of us your weakness. This is why in AA, it is stated that alcohol is "Cunning, baffling and powerful". You have not experienced anything more shameful than any of the rest of us has at many times also felt. You are NOT alone and you have joined in the company of all of us who have felt the same weakness towards this disease. Please...allow yourself to be "human" just as all of us are. Just continue to take "One day at a time" and it will come in time. Keep on fighting the good fight and stick with SR.

Love Pancake xo

Maybe you and your husband need to be together in this thing recovery. My wife, who we still have many serious issues between us,would never ask me to get her a beer. She does not drink around me, through her choice, not mine, and we do not keep alcohol in the house. If she wants a drink its her responsibilty to get it. If family or friends come over it is their resonsibilty to BYOB and serve themselves. Sobriety needs to be as I said, a partnership.

“from craving arises sorrow and from craving arises fear”. In our sorrow and fear comes our pain. When we try to medicate or numb our pain chemically, we become addicted. When we try to smother it in the comfort of our family and friends we smother the love of family and friends. What are we to do? To whom or what can we turn? Who can you turn too?

I hope you stick around Laura! This place is for anyone who wants to be sober, and it definitely sounds like that is still what you want. Learn from the mistake and come up with a strategy on how you will react the next time your husband asks for a beer. If you make that decision now it won't come as a surprise when it happens again.

Please stay and keep sharing!

Unless you're talking about quitting addictive behaviors, and then replace "never" with "always."

Thanks to everyone who has posted. You are a group of supportive and amazing people.

I didn't write this thread in the best state of mind last night. When my husband asked me for the beer, I took it as a sign that he was fine with me drinking... and so figured, no big deal since I had been thinking about it all day anyway, so I gave in. Unless I'm stressed, I have no problem thinking about alcohol until about 5 PM and then I can't stop thinking about it. Yesterday I kept telling myself I wouldn't have any and so I thought about it all day. It is as though before, it was enough just to know the evening drinks were in store...and as much as I wanted.

Best wishes for continued success to all and thanks for the encouragement.

Hi,

I think it was the obsession that bothered me the most. I spent so much of my time thinking about when I would next drink, what I would drink and how much. It was actually a relief to stop drinking and be able to get on with my life.

Hi
 

Hi lauraandersen4, The guilt we all share is a prerequisite for getting to this point .We feel bad so we drink, we stop drinking feel good and start drinking.. I can feel your pain. I hope i get to to know you and share are stories and achievements.. Jay.......:c014: