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..back again..:saevil: ..when i first met my soon to be wife, ..i told her i was a 'magician'.. ..show me some magic..."she giggled".. ..so ..i turned into a 'motel'.. |
..i soon proved to have real 'magic' powers..:stirpot ..on our wedding day.. i 'disappeared'..:burnout: :a043: |
Frst, if you want a really funny website [sorry I don't know how to post a hyperlink] Google 'Darwin Awards'. If you don't know about it already, it's true stories of really stupid ways people have managed to remove themselves from the gene pool. It always cracks me up when I feel down. And makes me feel more intelligent....... |
Thats almost as bad as the frog who's musical tastes ran to 'baroque, baroque', Classical LOL D |
c'mon guys... we can't let this thread fizzle out. I want to hear more "why did the chicken cross the road".... anyone?? |
One of the intentions of this thread is for ME to lighten up and read jokes. Laughter is the best medicine. Thanks everyone, please keep posting ! |
Why did the chicken cross the road? ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? |
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed I've not been told. |
An inscription problem According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible." |
How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 1 to move it to the Lighting section 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 5 to flame the spell checkers 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too" 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again. |
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Exercise For Seniors Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems easy, so I'm passing it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5 lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, then hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10 lb. potato sacks. Then 50 lb. potato sacks and, eventually, try to get to where you can lift a 100 lb. potato sack in each and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks; but be careful. |
why did the chicken cross the road? Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. |
From The Matrix Did the chicken bend? Or did you bend? |
Money They say money doesn't buy happiness, but it's easier to cry in a Corvette than a Yugo... |
Jury Selection An important and very well publicized murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. One prospective juror, Dan O'Keefe, was called for his question session. He was asked, "Property holder?" Dan replied, "Yes, I am, Your Honor." Then he was asked, "Married or single?" Dan responded, "Married for twenty years, Your Honor." Then the judge asked, "Formed or expressed an opinion?" Dan stated with certainty, "Not in twenty years, Your Honor." |
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