I would like to say thats why. But I have been like this toward her all my life. Even as a kid. I was a spoiled demanding kid and just stayed that way as I got older.
It may be why its more intense right now. But not the root of it.
I can be a real mouthy ungrateful B sometimes. And its been like that for a very long time.
She is just older now and takes it to heart now. Before she would just ignore it or give it right back. Now she is hurt by it.
And I need to stop it.
But like doin something for so long. Itys hard to change your behavior. You know?
Its def something I need to work on now. Anyone else would get knocked out for talkin to her like I do at times.

I dont know if this is true of everyone so i will say its only my opinion but i was told that as addicts we have it us that we want to be alone.... we are isolators...

Whats that old saying.... we hurt most the ones we love...
I know with me alot of it was about testing.... i used to test people to see how much they would stand by me.... i even tried to push them away.... maybe thats a bit of manipulation/control on my part... but i needed people... i just didn't know how to be with them or ask for help...

When i wrote fist i didn't realise you had just had surgery.... i hope you get well soon... but its no wonder your feeling crabbie... where your control?.... i have found that sa big thing for me... lack of control of my life is scarey... ive always been independant and relying on others is not something i am used to.

Plase dont take this the wrong way.... i am only saying what i am like... i dont know if you relate to any of it...

Please take care though... if you need time/space for yourself that jjust take care... but i do understand how you feel and this i think is the best place to help get it out... safetly.... if thats wat you want....

be well
louis

There's something else, Trish.

Dee said you've been nothing but gracious..I said it on you're other thread..

Blunt..but not aggressive. Not here.

I've never ever heard you say you hate..or wish others harm.

Never heard you tell a know it all like me to take a flying leap..you may have

wanted to, but you haven't. You have been gracious...honestly..you've done

better than I would in many instances.

You have encouraged hundreds of newcomers...

Remember the guy in the hotel room? You had me crying..and so many others.

I could see him if I closed my eyes...

This is the Trish we know.

Take good care hun :hug:

Trish...

"Charity begins at home"...turn the compassion toward grams..

Knowing and living with the person takes a heck of a lot more effort.

But it is doable. Why not try the Codependent thread...read it anyhow.

(((Trish)))

Sorry I'm late on this, but been going through a little bit of the same stuff in my house:(

First of all, you AND grams have both recently had surgery. Give yourself a break. Yes, you've always been a spoiled brat (your words, not mine) but you've been stuck up under each other's a$$, pretty much, for a few weeks, and you're bound to be getting on each other's nerves way more than usual. I don't care HOW much I loves someone, I have to have some time away from them.

I also understand the feeling of wanting to jump out of your skin. Been doing that, myself, a bit, lately. I have absolutely no desire to use, heck don't even want to smoke a cigarette, but have gotten to the point where I feel like I'm losing my mind, so I start counseling tomorrow. I have no desire to use, or even smoke a cigarette, but I totally understand the feeling of "I'm about to snap". I believe mine is largely based on PTSD from the robbery I went through months ago, so will see if the counseling helps.

My point is, you know yourself. You're smart and, from what I've seen, you're willing to try some things to improve your life. This change, whatever it is, you're looking for now is not new..it's something you've been thinking about for a long time. Those are the things I KNOW need to be done...when they keep coming up, over and over.

I don't have any great advice. I just want you to know I do understand where you're at, and I believe in you to find outwhat it is that you're looking for (and I KNOW it's not in crack pipe!!)

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Trish,

A lot of people have, and will, give you a lot of advice about how to handle your particular problem. And it's probably all wonderful advice. I'll tell you the truth.

Your perceived problem may well not be your problem at all. Your problem sounds exactly like untreated addiction. These other problems will persist until the root cause is fixed.

If you gain real recovery, and by that I don't just mean time without using, the other problems will take care of themselves. If you are like me (I'm an alcoholic, but I bet it applies to addicts as well), you suffer from a mental condition that infects all areas of life, undermines your very core as a human being. My life was shot through with problems born out of my alcoholism, born out of the way my brain worked. And I kept trying to solve all those problems and they just multiplied.

Then I stopped fighting and took AA's 12 steps with a knowledgeable sponsor. I recovered. And over time, in some cases less than a year or two, all those other problems went away. I had to straighten out spiritually before my health, mental, financial, relationship, etc. problems got any better.

This is the truth for me and many others who are can't get themselves out of addiction.

I agree with Keith. I also agree with you, Trish. Being rude and mean to an elderly person who is trying to take care of you and love you - I don't care how long you've been doing it. I don't care how hard it is to change. I know you have enormous strength and insight and compassion inside you. Now's the time to call it up.

Maybe you aren't as awful as you say you are. I suspect that is the case. And thinking in greys instead of black and white might help. And trying to really take in all the love there is for you on this board. All the faith in you. All the hope and support. Be gentle with yourself. And be gentle with your Grams too.

I think about you every day and hope and pray for your healing. As I know many here do.

Thx anvil. I believe thats what it is too. I have thought that for a long time now.
I think I have resentment for her sheltering me so much and enabling me to death all my life. Now I feel liek I am 33 yrs old and dont know the first thing about responsibilty becasue of that.
Yet I want to go onmy own. AN dyes again I am terrified. I just have it in my head that I am not goin to surviv3e on ym own. Or I am goin to leave and something will happen to her.
I feel trapped by my own ideas of what ifs.
And I have ALOT of growing up to do. I already know this.
I am very immature. Do you know how embarrassign it is to not know how a bank account works. Or taxes or insurance?
Thats pitiful.
I have to ask questions like this and it is horrible when I do. I feel stupid and useless.
Today is alot better. I feel really sick tho and am oin alot of pain. SO I havent really been out of my room. I jsut feel really awful today. Physically and mentally.
I am goin from bein angry to worried now. Because I wanted to go back to work next week . And it looks like I wont be able to.
But I have to just let these things go. Theres just nothing that can be done about it.
Thx everyone for responding.

Rest..that's it from me. :hug:

Hi again Trish, Nobody automatically assumes that you go to meetings. By reading your post where you mentioned alternatives to meetings, I thought you wanted someting in addition to and not instead of. And meetings are the only thing that I can suggest because I know the AA program works. If you're adamant about not going, then don't. There are certainly a lot of folks here that got sober by themselves, and that's quite an accomplishment. But for every one that can accomplish this alone, there are 20 that can't. You're going to have to find a program that works for you. Personally, I feel that AA doesnt work for everyone. If howling at the moon will keep you sober, then howl away. But whatever you, don't give up. Keep on SR and eventually someone will offer a suggestion that'll help. I really hope you make it.

I am not trying to sound arrogant. But I have no doubt in my mind that one day I will get it.
Only because I will never give up.
I may die before I do. But I really dont see that happening. Not that it couldnt. I just have a gut feeling that I am closer than ever before to egtting it right.
I understand what your saying about the only thing you know to suggest. But there is difference between suggesting and assuming by saying things like. Talk t your sponsor. Make sure you are open at your meetings.
When someone just jumps to conversation like that without clarifying first. That is assuming.
It does bother me a little.
Suggestions are different. I dont mind suggestios. And I always try to keep an open mind.
But when people assume. Its like they just dismiss everything else.
If you dont know ..Ask. Dont assume.
Like when I had my hernia. It bulged really big. I looked preganant. So alot of people would ask when am I due. I would say I am not pregnant. You dont know for sure so ask.
You know what I mean?
It really isnt a big deal. But it is somehting that really can get under my skin sometimes.
When people dont know anyhting baout you then go on to talk liek they do. And end up sayin a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with you or your situation.
You know what I mean?
What was the point of all that?

I am just anal like that I guess.
I try to ask people things before I go saying things about stuff I dont know for sure.

I know I cant do this alone.
I knew that a longtime ago.
Regardless of what I have been doing. I know better.
I also have found a program that works for me. I have posted o this too a few times here the past couple days. I am starting that program again. I dediacate alot of myself in that particular program over a year ago. I liked it. It helped me. It was on my level of understanding and belief.
So I am goin to throw myself back into that program. I will also be thinkin of how I can get f2f support without having to go to 12 steps. I have nothing against meetings. I want everyone to know that.
I just am nit goin to invest my time in a program I do not understand or agreee with. Why would I do that?
I am not goin to fake anything and take what I want and all that stuff. I want and need a program that I am 100% commited to and one that I can work to the fullest with pride and dedication.
Otherwise I will just be fooling myself and hurting my own recovery. I woudl never stand by anything I didnt believe in. So thins is no different.
And I am not saying this because someone saifd anything. I am just putting ym thoughts out there at random. From my own thoughts and mind.
I got a whole new motivation today.
Today was good day. I feel the drive again. And I found a program that I like alot, And I have that ambition to work it again.
I apprecuate everyome here. I dont care what program you work. How you got clean or even if you are. We are here for the same reason and to help each other.
I would never bash anyones way. Ever. I would never push my way on anyone. Or even suggest it unless they asked.
I am just like that.
And I would never tell someone they are doomed if they dont surrender and do it this way.
My beliefs are different.
So I have found what supports my belief.
I am going to make it. If it kills me I will always try my hardest to make it.
But I have a feeling it is near.
I just do.

Keep that feeling, Trish and you will make it. I have faith in you. You have been to hell and back on more than one occasion, so I know you are strong. Hang in there, sweetie. Brighter days are coming your way. ((((HUGS))))

(((Trish)))

I'm glad to hear the fighting warrior side of you coming back out. I'm sorry you're hurting and sick, but it's just your body's way of healing and saying "take it easy" so you might as well listen to it.

I agree that I think how anyone gets clean/sober is a personal thing. I DO think everyone needs support of other recovering addicts, but after that, to each his own. I admit, the majority of my program is from 12-steps, and I took what I needed, left the rest, and picked up some things from some other people I admired.

I also have felt that you want to get out on your own but you are scared to do it. I can imagine there are a LOT of feelings associated with that...fear and anger being the two biggies. I can just tell you that you aren't alone. Not necessarily the same situation, but lots of women haven't got a clue how do anything required to run a house.

You start off, just like with anything else...baby steps. You could get a checking account now, while you're at grams. A bank will help you figure it out, without making you feel like a dummy, and you can get a savings account and put a little bit aside, instead of having it in your hand or at the house, where it's nothing but a temptation.

Just think about it. You've got the wheels in your head turning now, anyway:)

Love, hugs, and prayers!

Amy