Honesty time...
 

Well, its time to get honest and back to day one. I’ve been drinking for the last three days. I made it 19 months and 16 days this last time.

I saw this coming and I did nothing to stop it. There is little collateral damage to this relapse thank god, but my wife told me she hoped I have it out of my system for good this time. We didn’t fight and I just avoided her. My drunk mind thought that was a great strategy, because I can be pretty nasty to her when drinking. She told me my silence is worse.

I’ve got myself in a really bad mental spot right now. This has become a pattern. I get a year plus of sobriety and a part of my mind knows a binge is coming sooner or later.

I’m doing my best to stay positive, sober and learn from this today.

One thing I know is that seeking support before I allow myself to go drinking is something I need to do.

Thanks for hearing me.

Bill

It is so hard, the battle is never really over. I had 5 years and slowly slipped back to weekend bingeing over the course of moderating for a year.

Take care and don't be hard on yourself, that may set you up for another drinking session.

IMT

I get a year plus of sobriety and a part of my mind knows a binge is coming sooner or later.

Bill,I have been there,but it was quite a while ago.Finally,that kind of thinking has left me.I had to reach a point where I wanted to stay sober so badly I threw that idea away.I wasn`t finished drinking when I had those reservations,reservations that some day I`l drink again and it will be ok or it will be fun or I can control it.That day never comes


Have you been to AA?

That's the big lie I tell myself. I can control it. I don't know how many beers I grabbed last night saying, this is the last one. They are all gone this morning and I feel sooo bad emotionally. Really bad....

I know the feeling, after 3 or 4 beers I know I won;t be able to stop until they are all gone, thats why I am done with alcohol

Don't beat yourself up too badly over your relapse. Learn from it and start moving forward again. :ghug3

Bartender, keep coming back here for ongoing support even though you think things are well. That may help some the next time you have those drinking feelings. Nice work on the year plus of sobriety!!

Thanks for the reminder Bartender. Although I know how it will end up I sometimes think just one won't hurt.
At least now you have it out of your system.

Thanks for the reminder, Bartender, that we are never safe, no matter how long our sobriety. We have this for life. Congrats on your past sober time. You are an inspiration to those of us who haven't made it that far, that we can NEVER relax our vigilance. I often sit in AA meetings, listening to "old timers" and think, well they are not at risk anymore. As many times as I have heard that it remains "one day at a time" for everyone and anyone, I don't think I really believed it. I'd love to think that I will be able to "put this behind me" at some point in my life, the fact is, that I never will.

Over this past year I started going. There is a Wednesday night meeting I am headed to today.

Thanks for the input everyone, I'm too clouded to respond properly, but I know if I stay sober today that will change. I'm keeping this as simple as possible and staying sober today is my only goal.

Bartender hang in there, it will get better, the greatest thing I found out in AA was that I never HAVE to drink again unless I REALLY want to.

It sure sounds as though right now you have the honesty needed going on!!!

By going to AA you are showing an open mind and a willingness to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober!!

If you remember HOW and keep practicing it things will get better.

HOW

Honesty

Open mindness

Willingness

Hi Bill,

I had seventeen months of sobriety and relapsed...I know exactly how you feel...It was so hard to forgive myself and start over...

Here I am, and I am looking at five months of sobriety...The important thing is I made it back...I was given another chance...

Try to stay on a positive note and keep reaching out for support...

You can do this...:

I am glad you are trying again. I never use to look for support before I knew a relapse was coming.
It does help alot.
You can do it again.

Thanks guys.

I feel totally empty today, but I will make it to my 8pm meeting sober.

That sounds like a small goal, but it feels pretty huge right now.

Bill