undecided about AA?
 

I'm not sure where to put this thread, so I let it go here.

I have attended 10 meetings and 2 big book studies. Through this time I have been on what I understand to be a pink cloud and attributing not drinking to these meetings. I believe the PC has clouded my judgment on the situation.

In the beginning they say" one day at a time" then they say you have to go to AA meetings for the rest of your life.

I am also noticing how they are trying to dumb me down.
like " quit your stinkin thinking" or "keep it simple stupid" " sit down and shut up"
"your best thinking got you here"
In the beginning these slide by, but when you think about it seems like a mild form of brainwashing?

I have found my self doing everything I can to get to the meetings, ignoring my wife to get there. Leaving work early to attend the meetings.

Also I see nobody is really in charge, so If something goes wrong who has to answer to it?

It also seems AA is loosely put together no real structure.

I haven't seen anything there to help you stop drinking, just a bunch of people crying about their life.

I am at this point unclear of what AA really is.

People often say AA saved their life but I have seen studies that show 97% fail, that means AA only has a 3% success rate?

any good input would really help, I'm hoping to get input from both sides of the fence.

Well, if all you have is a bunch of people crying about their life, you might try another meeting.

Personally my home group focuses on the solution, and is upbeat and positive.

All I know is AA has worked for me because I've been willing to do the work suggested. :)

I've only been to 2 meetings and have been really uncomfortable. Here, a lot of you guys are just quitting and understand what I'm going through. It's fresh in your mind and I know you guys are sincere. There, 90% of the classe has been sober for 10+ years and I wander if they remember how hard it is just to show up, much less buy into their system and talk openly (often putting yourself down as selfish or Godless) about something that I've been minimizing or lying about for most of my life.

I don't know how to feel about it yet.

"Take the cotton out your ears and put it in your mouth"... that stuff is a real turn off for me. Add to that the religious language and concepts... I don't make a lot of meetings myself. I found one meeting that doesn't subscribe to 'group think' and that's my regular stop.

Part of my aversion to it is just what you described Hardwired.
Cliches and catchphrases usually don't do it for me. I understand that isn't what AA is truly about, but I can see where some groups would take those kinds of things to extremes. Any group can do that, really.
I've had some coaches that sounded like a running loop of ESPN clips. Eventually you just tune it out. If I hear another coach pre-game saying anything about giving 110%, it turns to Blah, blah, blah fairly quickly.
Real, expressive, emotional, and powerful language means things to me.
That is why I think SR has been amazing. No, you don't get the Face to Face kind of interaction, but the written word can be a sledgehammer.
That all said--it could be that this specific AA group may not be what you are after. Check around for another?

My best thinking damned near killed me! :lmao

AH, you rock! :Val004:

I'd work the steps, that's what helped me. I encourage free thinking, the most important part of a question is the experience which will lead you to your truth. Be careful, the mind likes to bypass this process and immediately jump to the answer. Maybe you are alcoholic, and maybe you are not.

Read the Big BOok and ask yourself, is this me, is this my experience? Find out if you need to have a spiritual awakening to recover from alcoholism. If people in your meeting aren't talking about the steps and how they got better, they are talking about something other than AA.

A good sponsor will help you undertand how AA works, not just the recovery program outlined in the book, but also the loose structure, understanding the tradition and concepts and how they apply will also be helpful.

AA has no monopoly on recovery and is not the only way, it is the best way for some of us, maybe so for you, maybe not. Glad you are asking these questions.

I sure hope that my thinking while addicted and under the influence wasn't representive of my best...

Hmm...
No I am not undecided about my AA recovery.
It's a fact and allows me to enjoy a fantastic life.

You don't like AA? Then please find another way to live sober.
:yup:

Perhaps you do need more balance in your life.
:)....you said in your first post you were an all or nothing kinda guy.
Just don't choose ............... nothing...:hug:

+1 It was largely an absence of thinking/rationality that made me a wreck.

]I used to think that most of the slogans were ridicilous! I would get ticked when I heard someone say Keep It Simple Stupid. This is what's called an acronym, the initials make it easier to remember K.I.S.S.

I can see your confusion on the One Day at A Time thing. I thought the exact same thing. ODAAT simply means don't overwhelm yourself with tomorrow's problems today or you have a good chance of picking up. You don't necessarily have to go to Meetings the rest of your life. It's all up to you. I don't go everyday anymore, I try to go a few times a week but I have a little bit of time in, (3 1/2 years) several different supportive and healthy friendships with people who don't use or are in Recovery and I have learned many tools that help in everyday living. However, we will always BE alcoholics. . . we are never cured.

If you aren't satisfied with the Meetings you are going to, find some other ones. There is a Meeting Club House not 7 minutes from my home but I don't care for the Meetings there. IMO, a lot of cliques and I don't like that. So I go to different Meetings, ones that I feel comfortable in. Excuse the comparison but it's kinda if you go to one McDonalds and their food is always cold there, would you never go to any other McDonalds again?

((Samsonsworld)) Go to some newcomers Meetings. Also, try another Meeting sight!

Finally, about these so called statistics, I have no idea where these numbers come from. In all the years I have been going to AA and NA, I never remember filling out a survey card. Many places manipulate these stastics to where they would backup whatever claims they are trying to make. Also, you can't say how many of these people who actually went to these Meetings and went back out and never came back went for the right reasons. Remember, there are people who are only there to stay out of jail, keep their spouse happy, keep their jobs . . . So how can there be any really accurate percentages out there?

Hang in there and just don't drink today. After all, isn't that what the bottom line is, to not drink?

Judy

AWESOME !!

I didn't say I don't like it, just undecided about it.
Thanx for paying attention, :c014:

Ive been in and out of AA. I have never felt comfortable during the meetings but I have seen people there that exhibit what I would call serenity and peace with themselves. This time I am going to follow all the directions and suggestions and if it doesnt work, then as they say, they will refund my misery.

I've read that those little catchphrases are used mostly during very early recovery, just to help newcomers make it through the day. Personally, I like them and I dont think I could hear them enough. The thing about cliches are, they are cliches because they are true. JMO

From all Ive read here, it is my understanding that the most important thing to do in AA is work the steps, and work them correctly and honestly.

I attend some meetings too. The thing is, I am selective about which meeting I go to, because they are all different. Some, to me, seem like alot of people are reading scripts, and there are others where the people's sharing is heartfelt. I am there to listen to others people's experiences and share my own. That's all. I'm not there to judge, I'm not there to find differences, rather, find similarities.

That has everything to do with their drinking, imo. AA sees alcoholism as a symptom of a bigger problem.

Some cherry pick numbers, some don't. I have found studies that point to rates of sobriety going up greatly when meetings are attended long after the last drink/using.

How We Get Addicted - TIME

"That could all be about to change. During those same 10 years, researchers have made extraordinary progress in understanding the physical basis of addiction. They know now, for example, that the 20% success rate can shoot up to 40% if treatment is ongoing (very much the AA model, which is most effective when members continue to attend meetings long after their last drink)."

I went to one last night. The topic was selfish behavior. Sure, I can think of lots of times I've acted selfishly, drunk and sober. I can also think of a lot of times I put myself dead last.

The problem I see is these people aren't counselors and have no business trying to stereotype. I don't feel hopeless or worthless. I love God and he's been carrying me, not forsaking me because I'm a drunk. And maybe they aren't saints, but I am. I don't think they even know the definition. And I don't think I've mistreated my family, either.

All this has been said or implied in the 2 meetings. A lot of this thinking is straight from the big book, which btw, so far is only making me feel extremely non-alcoholic. Sheez, if I put down 3+ bottles of the hard stuff in one day, I'd be dead. An 18 pack of beer doesn't sound so bad. I'm obviously a lightweight.

And I don't mean to gripe at you SQ. It's just the way I feel about AA, so far. I'm just not sure it's a good fit for me.

I just got back from a fantastic meeting! But, I can understand where you are coming from Hardwire, I would find meetings like that a real turn off.
I hear a lot of comments like this from people who attend meetings in the states. I have only been to one meeting in the states. My meetings are based in Europe among English speakers living here.
Nothing about the way you describe your meetings matches what I've experienced here.

It's a shame, because I wish you could experience meetings like the one's I attend. For one thing there are no phrases tossed around as you describe, "dumbing people down". Quite the opposite: the comments are really thoughtful and thought provoking.

As far as no one being in charge, the meetings I attend are very well ordered and there is always a meeting leader.
I have heard talk from visiting speakers stateside that people are trying to make some changes in AA. One change is to keep the meeting on topic and when people start going on about their current divorce or other personal problems that have nothing to do with getting sober, they are reminded to get back to the literature and stay on topic.
In other words, my impression is that there is a movement of sorts to get AA back on track to what it is meant to be.
Unfortunately, not being in the states, lots of this is just loose comments I've picked up here and there and frankly I don't know much about it.
In any event, I would agree with others here that you might try shopping around for a group until you find one with a personal dynamic that you like. I tried several meetings before I found one I liked.

Lastly, one thing I've learned is that there is a lot more going on than just meetings. There are also speakers and workshops and maybe you could use those kind of venues as an alternative if you get tired of meetings.

Hardwired,

I think, that whatever program of recovery you choose to follow, you need to do the work on yourself.

I don't go to AA, but in the years since I've been in recovery, not a day has gone by that I haven't paid attention to my recovery and worked on it, in some way. I exercise, I spend time with myself listening to my soul, and I work hard on staying away from the darkness of depression. I come here to SR and read and learn.

I hope you find something that works for you.

This is going to sound weird because I have actually never been to an AA meeting in my life but over the last few months (I think I'm about 4.5 months in) in recovery my attitude about AA has really loosened up. I used to hate the catch phrases, the twelve steps, the language (actually I still have a problem with this as well), the cult-like seeming nature of it but over the last few months I have completely loosened up in my attitude towards AA and now find myself curious and wanting to go. I am really into the twelve steps, and no matter if I end up in AA ever, they are and will be a part of my recovery. The point is, that as I got more sober, and I have read that this happens, and probably other people have had similar experiences, my rigidity in looking at AA has sort of fallen apart. I can now appreciate it much more for what it is and its nuances. I find myself finally naturally attracted to it. So my point is, that it is working now, and the problems that you have with it currently, as you get more sober, may start to dissipate. I think that my defenses and just my different un-sober way of thinking had my really against AA in the first place. Again, though, this is probably a very strange comment because I am not actually in AA nor have I ever gone to AA (I have attended some other similar program meetings so not completely in dark).

In my early recovery what I did do was read a lot. That has always been my style with anything I did not know and this was no different. I feel like a broken record when I say this because I feel like I have typed it now one hundred times but I would definitely buy and read the book Sober for Good by Anne Fletcher. You can actually read a lot of it on Google Book Previews:Sober for Good: New Solutions for ... - Google Book Search. And there is an interesting episode of Talk of the Nation from NPR with the author that you can listen to here: Problem Drinking : NPR. She has interviews with tons of people who got sober with both AA and using other methods. It is quite a balanced view.

As for the statistics, in a way I think it best to ignore them. Statistics are so easy to fudge and the reality with programs for sobriety is that it comes down to an issue of fit. So even if some program has the highest success rate for the general population it might not be the best one for you. How do you end up judging that? Really, I don't know— your gut, maybe. Also, you don't have to wholly adopt one program and ignore the rest. You could take some stuff from AA and attend LifeRing. Or you could attend AA for the first couple months and when you feel you have gotten what you can from it, stop. While I understand that is contrary to what the program says to do, people do it all the time, and still manage to maintain sobriety. I vote for the mix and match program.

[QUOTE=Freedom1990;2106829]My best thinking damned near killed me! :lmao

If that were truly the case you are doomed.

I went to my first AA meeting tonight, i heard people with many years of sobriety sharing seemingly a lot happier than i have ever been in my life. So my options are to trust myself to find a way of recovery or go to AA and trust them to help me stay sober and enjoy my life. I think probably go with the latter as my brain seemed to have let me down a bit for about 20 years when i was shoving as much booze down my neck as i possibly could...

Well, from my experiences from all of two meetings I've had a real positive experience and really positive people going to the two meetings I've been to. I'm not saying they'll all be great or they'll all be horrible, but it seems with the AA group I'm going to seems to be a good one. Not a bunch of people b!tching and moaning, they'll tell their story but also through a lot of good stuff in there, too so that you can see while at one point it was bad but can get better. To me it doesn't seem to be "dumbed down" so to speak, then again when it comes to learning most anything I don't get a whole lot out of discussing unless it's a lot simpler than "dumbed down". I'm not big on learning verbally or by listening, I'm more of a visual hands on kinda guy. So they could make these discussions a lot simpler for me to grasp.

But try a couple more meetings or however many more you feel is appropiate and maybe try a different recovery process with another group. Keep checking into different things until you find what you feel is best for you. What works for one may not work for another. Just keep trying until you find what works for you. Just my opinion though and I hope it was helpful. If not I'm sorry and just tell me to stfu or something. lol :)
Wes

I learned to ask for help. I stuck around people that were living sober happy lives. Its all about experience and listening to how other people got sober and are living sober through whatever life throws at them. Its true there is no one in charge as such, thank God. I am responsible for my own behaviour. little sayings are great sometimes ....but sometimes they can be thrown around a lot ... There are those that talk the talk and there are those too that walk the walk. If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths...think about getting a sponser and try the steps. Good rwishes

There is much more to AA than going to meetings imo..

Undecided is ok........but please dont decide until you have try a few different meetings.

like nelco says.....get a sponsor......ask to be taken through the steps.

There no one in charge...your right.....but thats for a good reason.

Have you got a copy of the aa traditions.......it will explain alot.

If it dont work for you...ok thats fine....try another support group.

But before you decide take a while to look at the big picture....

thankyou for your post...i admire your honesty...........trucker

I was about 3 months sober before I went to AA. It came down to me thinking, ok I feel great, I'm not drinking, but is this all there is? Just not drinking? I started wondering why I drank, what I was doing by drinking and did I still want to behave that way?

I agree with Rob. Read the Big Book. Find out if it's about you. If it is, then get a sponsor and work the Steps.

i have had my struggles with A.A. but TODAY i know it saved my life.. and has opened the door to a life i never thought i could have.. i live just ONE day at a time and i LOVE IT!!!!:lmao

HardWired,

You seem to experience some pressure to either accept AA or reject it. Maybe that's in keeping with your "all or nothing" personality CarolD recalled.

I would encourage you to see AA as a group of like-minded people (just like us here at SR) working toward a common goal. We have strengths and faults like any group. Sometimes we meet our goals and sometimes we fall a little flat. Many times, we are moved by each other and we speak passionately and find that we do some good. Other times, we read and read and don't know what to say or how to help.

AA is just like that. It's not a state-sponsored, state-funded program aimed at reprogramming drunks and making them into productive robots.

AA is not anything in and of itself. AA is the people who choose to sit around those tables and share and listen and hopefully make a difference. If not for anyone else, than for themselves alone.

If I went into my AA home room and expected the others to pitch their perfect, charming, and intelligent reasons for me to stay sober - designed specifically to address my situation and avoid any of my little pet peeves - of course I could happily say, "Nope. Nope. This program is not for me!" Because they would never get it right.

AA is just a bunch of drunks determined to do the best they can to stay sober and to stay in recovery. We don't have any special training! We don't know any big secrets to use to appeal to you! We are hoping you will throw your lot in with us because, well, because the more people we have, the stronger we are.

When their is finger-pointing and disappointment and rigidity, someone always seems to step forward and make a gentle statement about keeping things on track and staying on topic.

At the end of the meeting, I have hugs and smiles and encouragement and then I'm out the door! And I always leave feeling so much more hopeful. And frequently I leave feeling as if I've gotten an epiphany that is going to hlep me in my recovery.

And this is all free. The only thing it costs me is my participation without overt casting of judgement or finding fault. Just participate for a little while and see what you can contribute. Instead of standing back in the wings making fun of others and what you think they are perhaps not doing right.

Good luck to you! Sobriety is fun no matter how you get there!

mle-sober: thank you for that excellent post.. very well said!

Hey, Hardwired. I don't think there's much to add to all that has been mentioned above; I'll agree that different AA groups have different vibes, and in my experience some are okay for me, and some just don't fit. And yes, mix & match is definitely a great idea.

One of the issues I had with AA was the rigidity I found when I had a sponsor; she didn't seem to really hear me, but just kept telling me to "do what she does/did" and then I would succeed. I know that this is usual and even true for many; however, she was a completely different character than I am, and I felt I would've been more successful in working with her if she would have opened up and heard more of what was inside of me (she kept saying it was the same for everyone when they were new...since when is anyone the same as all others?). I stopped using her as my sponsor, went to different meetings in different towns, and finally found one that didn't grate my nerves whenever I went in.

I haven't been back to AA in years, and although I think about finding a meeting place or two near my new home, I'm not sure I'm ready to approach that route. I am so fortunate for having the love of a couple of incredible friends who encourage and support me (naturally, without judgement) and my boyfriend, who has seen me at some of my worst, is being loving, supportive and helpful. In fact, it was he who found this forum, and I must say...SR ROCKS! This place is great, and I plan to be around for a while. In regards to that last, thanks to everybody!

Good luck, go with your flow, and remember why you want to stay clear and clean. Your own heart, with honesty and committment to yourself, will guide you like no one else possibly could. After all, no one has to "live with me the way I do."