Care to elaborate? I offered a consideration, I also said it was possible I was wrong, I won't presume to know for sure what really happened.

I will share this, I am a clinical therapist and have formal training in interpreting defense mechanisms, does this make me an expert? no. Does it give me some unique insight and make me critical of some of the responses I see on this site, yes.

This post will probably irritate you, that is not my intent, sometimes we need to go past what our perceptions are in order to really see truth, this applies to me as well. My experience is that the truth does set me free but it always p#sses me off along the way. I hope things work out for you.

hi katie........sorry to hear that.

I have to be real careful how i reply to this thread because i have a deep hatred for guys that pray on vulnerable women..for my own reasons.

These people lurk everywhere i guess....in the UK a paramedic has just been imprisoned for exploiting women people in his care........unbelievable.

Please please be assured this is NOT AA.....imo

Coming to your house on his own......is not AA.

Twelve step calls here are always in pairs and where possible mixed pairs.

Could you contact your home group and ask a female to call?

Could you ask for a female member to escort you to a meeting?

Do you have a option of a few meetings with female members?

AA has been the key to living a new life without alcohol for me and many thousands if not millions of others...

god be with you and protect you................trucker

IMHO opinion, the guy sounds like he is from LA: liars anonymous.

It's a shame if you choose to use this person as a reason to not go to AA
because I seriously doubt he is an AA'er.

Hey Katie....

What's up with you today? After reading all the posts here, I'm a little concerned how you might be dealing with everything... Please let me know! I care about you, GF!

:ghug3:Val004::ghug3

A lot of the posts indicate that there might have been ulterior motives for this guy. That is what I'm leaning toward. It was also stated by Carol to stick with your own gender, that is words of wisdom.
You can start over we still love you.

Thanks all for all your posts. Decided to drink it off and woke up hungover. I felt like buying a bottle of wine today, but I did not. Thinking things were my fault the other night, I decided to see this guy again and not drink at all. We went to the restaurant and he ordered a beer. I ordered ice tea. The subject of politics came up and he flipped on me. He ended up telling me I am a murderer and dropped me off at home, telling me to "turn it over" to God. The point of contention - a woman's right to choose (hence him telling me I am a murderer).

I appreciate everyone's suggestion I not give up on AA, but I give up. Sure, there are bad apples in every bushel, but I sure have met my fair share in the rooms. Not only have I given up on AA, but I am close to throwing in the towel in this town. I am truly a fish out of water. I may go up to my former liberal city of residence and only THEN will I consider another AA meeting.

At any rate, I am sort of floored right now and just shaking my head in disbelief. I will get back on track. There is a SMART meeting tomorrow night I am going to go to. As always, I do appreciate the support of SR and just wanted to check back in.

At AA the odds are good that you can find a girl/boyfriend, but the goods are odd.

I've heard that before. Thanks for reminding me. :)

I'm just too much in shock at this moment to get all upset. I imagine that'll hit me tomorrow morning.

We will be here tomorrow morning to hear what you have to say and to support you.:Val004:

Okay-so I've read this entire thread from start to finish and I'm confused.

Initially you're saying a guy from A.A brought round some wine and you drank it.It sounded like you were blaming A.A for this.I don't agree.It is always your decision to pick up.You could've said no.And I agree with Rob.B-I don't think you by any means are giving us the full story here.

Now you're saying you hooked up with the guy AGAIN? Um...'Fool me once....' This guy is obviously a jerk-whether he belongs to A.A or Scientology!I couldn't care less-you still CHOSE to go out with him again.That says more about you than him.

I'm sorry-but you cannot pin this on A.A (and for the record-I don't even belong to A.A)

Go to whatever group works for you-I truly wish you well.But don't come here and blame A.A for your lack of judgement or inability to say no.

Jules.

I am just as baffled by the post as everyone else here, but if I could say one thing it would be no matter what you do, or where you go in recovery, please stick with the women. I personally think that it's imperative to not have anything to do with men outside the rooms while you're in early recovery. And I'll say that to the men too.

Sorry. There are some of the most wonderful people in AA and some of the worst. Ok, I am a bad judge of character and I do own that.

You don't go to AA, so you don't know. And not directed at you, per se, but there is a lot of this stuff that goes on in AA. They call in 13th stepping. You'll have someone with YEARS in the program do things they would never tell their sponsor about. The last few days do fall into that category - for him. I don't go to AA so I don't have a sponsor.

And anyway you slice it, there is a saying in AA...Love and Tolerance is our code. You do NOT tell a woman she is a murderer over a political disagreement.

BTW, the alcohol takes away our judgement and inability to say no, as we have this disease, yunno?

Thanks, LaDita. I actually do have a really good friend in AA in the Bay Area who has stuck with me through thick and thin. I was up there a year ago and he was a perfect gentleman. Showed me around his town and took me to a couple of meetings. I spoke with him tonight and he is a great guy. So I do disagree. I think it's more about the person that the gender. I may go up there and spend a couple of days and perhaps even move. AA is different up there. Much more open minded and liberal.

Katie - no one forced you to go out with this guy AGAIN.

I backed you last night - but you negated all that the minute you went out with this doofus again.

To blame AA here is ridiculous: you made bad choices - you went out with the guy again, you decided to drink - no one else.

Love and Tolerance is an AA creed sure - but how much did you expect from a guy who bought you wine, for heaven's sake?

You'll meet people with this guys ideas on right to life *everywhere* - it's not an AA issue by any means.

You need to look at your choices and start making better ones, Katie. You need at look at personal responsibility too.

Dismiss AA outright if you like - but whatever you decide to do? do it without delay.
Make your next morning Day One.

D

Thanks, D, it's a very kind thing of you to say. I went out with him again feeling like everything was my fault and I could make things right. Only...he is a nutcase and I had no way to predict that - at least I have never met a guy I was thankful did NOT have his gun in his truck (it's legal here, but I don't like guns).

Yes, there is another day one. I still have to do the deal. My SMART meeting is tomorrow night and I WILL go to that. I will put this out of my mind and find a way to trudge through this and just realize some things work for me and some things don't.

I am not blaming AA, although I have known far too many people in AA who have caused damage to me. Perhaps I am naive, but I've gone through a broken rib, extortion, etc at the hands of people in AA, so I am really gunshy.

If it works for people I think that is a wonderful thing. I just need to find a place that is safe for me.

Thank you so much for you affirming post.

I've been to a few A.A meetings but please know I spent much of my teenage/growing up years surrounded by A.A people.My father has been a member for over 30 years so I do have some concept of what it's about too.I think I knew more about A.A than most at 18....I'm now 46 and an alcoholic myself.It's all very different but in a way not.It makes sense to me now in a way it never could back then.

That said-I'm just very sorry you've been so hurt and I do hope you find the help you need.

This isn't about AA really.It's about your life and your sanity and your saftey-which I fear for a bit.Please stay safe and get the help you need.

Jules

Criminy. I really can not do much here other than shake my head here.
That is just the craziest story I have ever heard. Ok, one of the craziest.
You went out a second time with a guy that intended to do you harm the FIRST time? That is all I can say about anyone that encourages an alcoholic who is trying to quit, to drink.
Then you went out again and the guy that has told you he is in AA with time (yeah right) ordered a beer and you did not run right then?

Okay, well, this has nothing to do with AA. This has to do with you making poor choices and not being careful! I am sorry to be so harsh but I am truly scared for you if these are the choices you make. Please stick around, get support where you feel most comfortable and don't drink, no matter what!

Wow I am going to my first AA meeting on Friday, might take a box cutter with me just in case, first one who looks at me the wrong way...kidding!

Seriously Katie it sounds like a really bad time for you and i hope you get through it soon:-)

:hug:


Katie, I know I don't know you or your situation at all, but you have to find a way to stop blaming yourself anytime someone else does something to make you think WTF?

Trust your gut feeling...if something seems wrong with a guy (or any person), listen to what your intuition is saying and stay away. Chances are you are right. Your personal safety takes precedence over all else. Do not feel guilty for walking away. It’s a huge warning flag if someone who makes you feel uncomfortable tries to make you feel guilty because you are trusting your intuition to stay away. Who cares if his/her feelings might get hurt. You absolutely need to take care of yourself first. :hug:

Can we please stop discussing this as if its anything to do with AA its very damaging for new members.

I have learned to own my own bwhavoiur and sometimes that means saying no .....in every area of my life, AA is not a dating agency

I have heard over and over again from my sponser and others that relationships in early recovery can be very dangerous. We need to have a relationship with ourselves before we can have one with another and that takes work...