Ok, good that you're not freaking out. I wasn't really liking the "I hate myself" line you dropped :P

Just concerned, friend.

Your mind will certainly clear in time :)

thank you for your concern :)

I suppose that did sound a certain way, but i'm not posting in the suicide threads here so no worries! :)

I am upset with my past decisions, no doubt. But you can't move forward by coming to a halt. And i'm no quitter!

thank you again - all of you - i'm so happy to have found somewhere where other people can understand me! I look forward to fighting the big fight with all of you at eachothers sides!

You're quite right. The secret is slowly slipping out. I was confronted by a family member several months ago, but I wa able to lie convincinly enough to get the issue dropped. However, I feel that if I were to come out with the honest truth to those closest to me, they would not be surprised. I say this because my personality has changed so drastially over the last 3 years that even I can see the difference. If I can, so can they. And there is always a reason for such drastic changes....perhaps i'm kidding myself that I even have a secret to keep, and that no one is saying anything to me about it simply out of fear for what I might do if I were to get an intervention.

Not that I would do anything rash. I wouldnt. But I can see them considering that possibility as I have been manic depressive before. (Treated, healed).

Maybe it's time I faced the truth, and looked to those I trust most to help me with my recovery. It makes me so very sad to think of the look my father will give me should I be up front about my problem. He would be devastated, and i've dedicated my life to making him proud of me (long, long, long story).

I'm beginning to realize that I have more issues than I thought I did. Maybe this is where all this is coming from...

i know the father thing- focus on yourself my friend. you have it in you- i can tell from your posts. buck up, listen to yourself, and do it. the best mantra i have heard from all of the cool people here is- one day at a time. decide in the morning before you get out of bed, that you will not use that day. repeat that decision at noon, and at 6pm. replace your usual smashed time with something that you like- or maybe a new thing that you have been wanting to do- there are many things. i like exercising, and movies, works for me.
best- D

Hi SnO!
I'm older than you and don't do coke, but, other than that, we share a similiar belief system and similiar experiences. I own a successful business. I binged like yourself, I didn't want to go to a religious based program. I told myself many, many times I would be done with it. I knew when I was 14 that the potiential of alcoholism was in my genes. (My mom warned me too) and (I don't have children either) even though I had/have a very loving family. I was starting to believe I was a bad person even though I knew I wouldn't feel that way if only I didn't drink. I finally decided enough was enough after quitting for 30 days at a time, and sought medical help. I did this quietly because like you, I am high profile. I put myself in a treatment program. I have to tell you that I was afraid to tell my father but did so 2 days before I left. He did not know the extent of my struggle with my self but he surprised me when he told me it would be worth a million dollars to me and that he was really proud of me for wanting to go. To go in treatment was the best decision of my life. I didn't know if it would work but it far exceeded my expectations to the point I don't have any cravings now. So, if you decide to talk to your Dad you may be pleasantly surprised. Whatever way you decide in the way of getting help I wish you all the best. Oh, I almost forgot, I'm female- so we don't have that in common!

ths site is awesome- thanks toberfree- i loved that.
Sno- you are too smart. get control and quit the destruction, i know exactly what youre going through. it is conquerable (is that a word?) believe me. find something else to do- thats the key.
love to all
dub

First post
 

:c009:

I'm heading into my first night without drinking in Months. I've been drinking a lot for the past 10 years, started in college but forgot to stop. My wife is expecting for the first time, just got married. Recently I've noticed all time off work revolves around going for drinks. Time to dry out. I'm off work the next few days and my wife is a nurse, so she can watch out for any bad DTs etc. Here comes a night of sweats....

My only insight is that I'm glad your here now. I waited until I had done something terrible and irreversible that has and will cost me dearly to decide it was time to quit. I too reject religion, but I want to believe something because I hope that there is something after this lifetime. Read up on the science of what you are doing to your body, maybe that will help too. Good luck~

Hey Pangur, I didn't know where to reply to you so I'm doing it here. First of all congratulations on expecting! Perfect time to quit! Your lucky having an "in-house" nurse LOL. Just wanted to say good luck to you. I sure didn't have much fun with night sweats, but just think- 72 hours or so and you may never have to have them again!

Snoman...:wave:

pangur...:wave:

Welcome to SR!