Some tricks:

1) Write a list of your errors and then burn it.

2) Visualize all the regrets and bundle them up. The bundle will be huge. Envision setting it down and walking away from it. Each day picture in your head the bag sitting on the side of the road as you get farther and farther from it until eventually you turn in the road and go no longer see it.

3) Each time you find yourself thinking about it. Stop and redirect your thoughts. If you have to say: STOP outloud then do it. Have a plan of what you will think of: Something you like about yourself helps. Think of people who like you. They can't all have bad taste.

I share about my silly tricks often because they helped me a lot. I had no idea how negative I was towards myself until I started replacing the negative with the positive. It felt really silly at first but they have gotten me out of several bad spots in my life.

Here's something that may help.
Note the difference between regret and guilt. Regret can motivate us; regret does no positive good, but only paralises us.
Three Steps to Genuine Change - High Holidays with Aish
Confession, healthy regret, and resolution to change. That's how I forgive myself.

I hope you find something worthwhile out of this. I saw your post, and had just read this earlier this morning. Naturally, I thought of it for you right away. :hug:

Shalom!

I am a AA member and was told to ask God to forgive me then ask God to help me forgive myself.

I.e. Please God forgive me for (fill in the blank)
And help me to forgive myself.

I've found it works and it is really simple.

you know I wanted to make that list awhile ago, but was afraid (theres that word again) it would send me into insanity. Now im thinking temporary insanity to get to permanent sanity is a good idea.

Im going to make the list. I just hope I can find enough paper. LOL
Im have to learn to let things go.

I will try to pray, but im still a little awkward in that department

I often think if I could just embrace my higher power things would be so much better. the few times I have let myself surrender things did get better, but my faith isnt solid. I should probably start trying to figure out why im so resistant.

It seems like the people in NA and AA have a little bit of an easier time

You just have to learn to accept the things that happened can't be 'un-happened'.

You do your best to be the best person you can be and go from there. You gradually move past the past and start looking towards your future.

It may seem impossible when you're feeling down Beth, but it can be done. Once the changes you've made really take front and center in your life, you'll have no reason to look back with remorse or regret. Let it go, and move on.

You've come a long way from where you were... don't let this take you back there Beth.