My first meeting in over a week
 

Well, I havent been to a meeting in like 10 days... I know not good, and I know it...it's been a hell 10 days...I wanted to drink sooooooooooo bad... I could go into the circumstances...but they are not good enough excuses...( mostly quarrels with the idiot)...I tried to pull the I dont need to go to meetings I can do this on my own...card....reverse psychology on him....but it didnt work...mostly didnt work for me...
So I went to a meeting tonite and sat in the back and bawled the whole time...I just feel so empty...waiting for something to fill that hole...someone said sobriety would fill it... and then I had to walk home, ( he was too busy to come get me) and all I wanted was someone to talk to...anyone to tell me I was ok...I feel blank...I havent written in my journal because I cant find words...just empty....I guess maybe I am avoiding "feeling" because it hurts and Im scared of what that will bring me...afraid to look under the covers I have hidden under for so very long.
So...that's it...sorry...Im sure I'll get some suck it up tough love advice....(Im sorry...snide remark...)
I just feel no confidence...no self esteem...54 days sober....and here I am...alone in a house full of dogs and my kids...
Sorry for the waste of letters and punctuation...just had to vent
But I am thankful to be sober....Just for today...

If you had asked....I am certain another woman would
have taken you home ...giving you a chance to discuss
your specific concerns.

I too must rely on rides as I had to
quit driving 4 years ago. I can no longer see

Perhaps calling another woman is a good idea?

:) ...I know early sobriety is an up and down deal
I think I was finally emotionally in balance at 2 months.

However...I did not have your living arrangements to
contend with . ... I did have my own special set...:eek:

That empty feeling you wrote about?
I re-connected to my God and found peace.

Blessings to you and your family

I can sooo relate lostgirl89...

Hang in there mate.

THis too shall pass. I'm also uncomfortable with my feelings these days. Maybe cause I'd buried them, drowned them for so long, and now it's hard facing my feelings without being numb.

I'm glad you haven't used your feelings as an excuse to drink. Come here and vent your feelings instead of drinking over them. We're here for you!

:ghug3

When I stopped drinking, I felt as lost as you do.

I had to re-connect with my spiritual side in order to be able to move forward, because I felt that my life was purposeless.

"The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav showed me, in a gentle, loving way, how to find my soul's path. I had spent my entire life ignoring the little voice in my head that was guiding me and allowing other people's wants to drown it out. Once, I reconnected with that voice, I find a sense of purpose and peacefulness.

WOW 54 days sober! You are doing great Rach. Thanks for reaching out. And vent away as much as you want! :ghug3