Hey Miss Grumpy Pants; I loved the video. LOL

He may be saying :wtf1: pretty soon

way 2 go sue!!never settle 4 less than what feels right 4 u.thats a part of regaining your power.you have more than u know.rejoice in that now you can see things that use 2 pass you by.call them on it everytime...especially controling men i could write a book...now that im clean i rewrite the pages and it feels...like tony tiger...GREAT!!!!!

Lisa, you sound very strong! I admire that.

Hopefully I'm well on my way. There is one thing about me, if I set out to do something, I accomplish it.

Feeling strong again today.
Last night as we were watching the democatic convention my husband changed the channel and told me how I was going to vote (seriously)!
I told him it is none of his *^&^$@&* business how I would be voting. I told him that women have been allowed to vote the way they want to in this country for quite sometime now- and that I am no exception. Then he let the issue go. :)

Boy I bet he feels like he fell in the twilight zone. Way to go Toomuth.

HA HA...Loving this thread Suzette.

Suzette

Unlike the folks at the convention, I am speechless.

If I told Susan who to vote for, she'd say "I think I'll vote for this (middle finger extended)."

Your husband might benefit greatly by having a group session with about 10 select women from SR. That I would pay $ to see.

He may be a great guy, but the past few decades seem to have passed him by, in a way. My "CroMagnon Man" approach stopped working in about 1970.

warren

HAHA..Thats my kind of woman..HAHA

:261:

I'm so glad I popped my head into the thread! Suzette, you sound like you're doing AWESOME! *high five*

respect,respect respect!!!
 

im glad you r seeing thats what you deserve.everyones made in there own design.your finally making your own patterns.be proud.you'll be surprised to find you have more power than you think.your reward will be respect from those you thought would never come around...you go girl!!!::ghug2:bounce

So much for the statement "dont cross my boundaries".

My husband is at it again. Last night both he and I and our sons were talking politics. I said something along the lines of how I like to listen to both sides and them come to a decision. Then right in front of the boys he said " your mom is one of those types of people that doesn't know what the hell she wants." My boys agree with him because he has them completely brainwashed.

His statement made me feel small and he has been doing that more and more lately. As my defenses are down with so many other things going on, he is taking advantage of my vulnerability, and to be honest I don't have the strength to do anything about it. Iknow it sounds pathetic, but that's where I'm at.

I will be greatfull for any responses.

Suzette

women dont say that enough - drunk or sober. good for you tm. :You_Rock_

I stumbled on this thread - found it very interesting, not real sure why (maybe all the excitement and such).

I don't know much about setting boundaries, my life is pretty much an open book and I like who I am...no need to defend it. I have never been married and raised a family, so I have no 'real' appreciation for the precise situation, but I do know a little about recovery from alcoholism and how my whole life I gave people my self-esteem, pride, ambition etc. I blamed everyone for anything that was wrong, took credit where things were right...maybe some can relate. This seems to be common among alcoholics.

I noticed this thread was started in August - and it said you were 6 months sober at the time, I assume you are around 7-8 months sober now.

Well -- before I go into it. Are you a member of AA? Any input or experience I have to share is filtered through my experience with the 12 steps.

I am free today of the sort of thing you describe above, only because of some very specific steps.

No sugErspun I do not attend AA. I do have a higher power and use prayer a lot.

Hi Suzette,

You don't sound pathetic at all. You're going through so much right now, of course you are vulnerable. When I stopped drinking, I realized that I had no boundaries whatsoever, none. It's been hard and the frustrating thing is, it's especially hard to set boundaries with people who have stepped on you, in the past. But, it's the best gift you can give to yourself.

Be kind to yourself, Suzette!

Thanks toomuch...

That being the case I will only share this: My problems are of my own making, all of them. This was a shocking discovery, but it set me free.

If you are one who prays, pray for the strength it takes to forgive. There is a lot more power in that than there is in 'fighting fire with fire'.

Just my opinion

Too....did your husband act this way when you were drinking, too? Maybe your new found confidence is rattling his cage?

Whatever...keep it up! And a Big Congrats on your Sobriety! Yay!

:ghug3

Suzette, it sounds like an intelligent, wise woman that actually thinks before she decides. Maybe that's intimidating to your husband? Any ways, I respect you and think you are anything but small. You may be vulnerable, who wouldn't be after everything you've had to digest lately. Tell husband to back off and you be easy with yourself.

Hey Suzette,

I was reading your post and this quote came to mind 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent' (Eleanor Roosevelt) I've always loved it but it's only become real to me in the past few years.I was a real doormat in my 20's.I had to learn to be more assertive and claim some self respect.

I'm not saying it's the same for you here.I do think, as someone else just suggested, perhaps the sober you is rattling your husband's cage because you won't roll over like you used to(and you shouldn't anyway)

We develop patterns in our relationships-and some of them can be very unhealthy.It sounds to me like your husband can be derogatory about you in front of your kids, and that's not ok.Maybe when you were drinking you didn't care as much or notice, but the fact is your husband thinks it's ok-and you're realizing it's not.It isn't.They will take their cues from him and it leaves you in a very vunerable, lonely place.

It's hard to change these patterns when it's taken months or years for them to be created.But you can change you and how you respond to them.

That said-you need support.I know for me I needed counselling-to learn new ways of relating that weren't too threatening to my husband-but also I needed to learn to be more assertive/honest(if you can believe that-look at me these days-LOL) but it was more about having genuine self respect and not allowing others to treat me in a way that was disrespectful too.

Our inappropriate tolerance of others crappy behaviour can often be rooted in the past and we need to address it and why we've allowed it-in order to change.

I just think with all you're dealing with right now you really need some help and counselling might be a really good place to start.Something for you alone that helps you deal with what's going on around you.

You deserve that, :hug:

Julesxox