unnaccustomed as I am to whining...
 

so....many of you know - I'm having some troubles walking at the moment (nothing further on that btw - the wheels of the public health system turn slowly)

It's getting so even getting the bus is getting hard - but I heard of a great scheme for ppl like me - if you fulfill the criteria, the gov't will subsidise part of taxi fares - great! All I need is my doctor to fill out a form.....

She won't do it.

She wants some documentation, some diagnosis of my cerebral palsy....:eek5:

I asked her seeing as she was herself a *doctor*? um...maybe she might make the diagnosis herself? but no.

She's only seen me twice - LMAO and hey fair enough, I might have been faking the CP for 40 years just to get cheap taxi fares....

So sure...I'll go to another doctor...even travel back to my old doctor if I have to - if they're still practising. The taxi fare thing isn't even a big deal - it's the ignorance that gets me.

And boy its getting me - it makes me mad. Angry. Furious even.

For the first time ever since I got sober, I woke up today and REALLY (ruh-heally) wanted to get effed up. Not just 'one or two' thank yew very much.

Came with the whole nine yards too - the thoughts, the irritability, the restlessness, the twitches....

but...I didn't and I won't.

I've gained a lot, and learnt even more, in my 16 months.
I'm not giving that up.

I don't want pats and hugs here, or encouragement to stay sober.
I'm steaming - but I'll be ok.

I just wanted to say - I read a post here recently where someone said they never thought about drinking anymore. Great. More power to them.

For others, like myself, it's a struggle sometimes - even after a year and a bit.....but I've learned it's ok to struggle - it keeps me honest, and reminds me what it's like to want to drink, what I'm fighting for, and just how strong, and patient, my enemy is.

but...I won't lose :)

Thanks for letting me whine :)
D

I hear you, hon.

What a load of hooey.

I'm wading through similar paper minefields, so I'm hearing ya.
I'm presently baffled how people on welfare drive new cars?
Can't figure that one yet.

Yeah we have to learn to accept that people will act badly at times and for me the issue is how to deal with it so that I don't feel like ripping their heads off. No big deal or secret, I talk here, talk to other addicts in recovery, talk to my HP, read some literature. The main thingis I do what your doing, I get it out of my system, I talk about it and don't act on and I dont hurt myself in any way at all.

Not so long ago, when I could not bear to talk to anyone but knew I needed to, I would stand on my verhandah and scream, scream, scream, scream... and then pick up the phone.

Your not alone Dee, this is part of how it is, I know your aware of that, point is your not alone, we are no longer alone and in darkness.

Good onya mate for dealing with it so well.

Dont forget it all passes and times of pain give way to times of joy or peace or...

Kevin

Idiot doctor! What about the diagnosis from when you were a child? Sorry things are moving so slow and about that dr not cooperating. :rant:
fwiw...It's not a bad thing to get angry sometimes.

With mr cmc, dealing with stuff like this was almost as bad for us as the physical condition itself...very frustrating.

And Dee, you outta know by now that if you say no pats on the back...I'm just not listening. (pat-hug) but....
I am listening about the not drinking part so here goes:


You have done so well. Thank you for sharing how it was, what you did and continue to do and how it is now. Even when the 'how it is now' isn't all rosy- you continue to make the right choice which is not to drink.

Pah! Stuff like this makes me really angry! It's not just ignorant... it's downright cruel IMHO. Makes you wonder if some people really are as cold hearted as they seem to be. Faking a medical condition to get a break on taxi fares?? Sure, everyone has a right to be doubtful, but come on now! These days it seems to take a LOT of effort to avoid becoming cynical.
Thanks for venting D, glad you're taking it in stride.

I don't think she doubts me Matty - don't see how she can LOL

she just doesn't want to do the diagnosis herself for some reason, perhaps she just doesn't want to put her name to the form...needless to say - new doctor awaits for Dee.

Thanks everyone - like I said, I'm not going to falter here - but I can't keep things bottled in anymore. Not into hurting myself anymore.

Thanks for listening :)
D

Yeah I here you Dee, like you say, 'No more Groundhog Day'

Kevin

Dee, I'm not quite judging your doc. Okay, maybe I was, so I'm sorry...As I understand it, most physicians take the Hyppocratic oath before they start practicing. Among other things it states: "I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone". I'm an idealist and a traditionalist, and sometimes - though not always - it pays off... So let's cut her some slack. From what you've said, I hope that the reason she won't sign the form herself is because she feels you'll be better tended to by another doctor. I hope it works out for the best :)

oh judge away Matty - I agree with you :D I was trying to be fair, but she's let me down quite badly - perhaps, as you kinda suggested, a doctor more familiar with my condition is the way to go.

D

Well, I'm judging her-effing ignorant b*tch! Talk about hurtful.I'm just disgusted by what she did, whatever her reasons.I'm just really sorry Dee.You live with so much and face stuff with immense courage.

Here's a :hug: for you and a http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/8523/brickea4.gif for her. LOL

Julesxox

Oh, the absurdity of it. Meanwhile, you could be benefiting from that service. I'm sharing your anger, Dee - I'm sure we all are, since you are much loved & respected in our SR world. I know it'll all get straightened out, but I can't imagine her holding you up by not cooperating.

The good news is you allowed us to be part of your life by sharing this. You never have to go it alone. By telling about this you remind the rest of us we need to discuss our challenges & disappointments when they come along. Quite honestly, Dee, if all you ever posted were shiny, happy thoughts I probably wouldn't read many of your posts, even though I love you. It just wouldn't be helpful to me. Drinking thoughts cross my mind less & less, but when they do, I try to envision how horrific the morning after would be - how disgusted I'd be - how hideous I'd feel, plus I just might keep going with it and be off again for another several months - or maybe forever.

Well, you've kept me up past my bedtime sir. Love, Joanie

Beauracracy at its finest. People are so caught uo in thier jobs, paperwork, and documentation they dont think about the people they are supposed to be helping.

I dont know whos a bigger jerk the lady at the taxi fare office or the Dr.

I really feel your frustration. I really sorry you have to go through so much BS just to recieve something you are totally entitled to.

I hope everything works out quickly.

Hugs
Beth

Sometimes we are surrounded by REAL idiots. Sometimes we ARE the idiots. She is at fault here D. Some people just won't take responsibility for what they should! Irritating tho ain't it??

I also hear you about wanting to get Effffffed up. I have those moments too. I am NOT one of those where the obsession (or thoughts) has been completely lifted. I think about getting all messed up and then I think a little longer and realize that I am not willing to endure the consequences.

Keep talking about it D. Love ya! :hug:

That doctor is a moron Dee. She' not upholding the Hippocratic oath either.

I could write her a letter free of charge if you'd like.

It really sucks, Dee. I'm glad you can see it for what it is. Was this person a "resident" by any chance? Not everyone is cut out to be in the medical field.

sneaking in a hug...because I love ya.

just general GP...private practice LC...they do bulk bill tho (welfare card holders like me are paid for by the gov't)...not the first time that I've wondered if that does make some difference.

But as I say, time for new doctor ........

Thanks to each and every one of you :ghug2 love you all.
Still feeling angry, but the thoughts of drinking are gone :)

Gonna try and enjoy the rest of my day :)

D

Not much left to the day, or where are you? I'm yawning. Big day tomorrow for me. Helping my eldest move into her first apartment...waaaaaaa.

LOL I'm an Aussie LC...3.10PM Saturday here

D