new and scared
 

I'll try to keep this short and with as little whining as possible. Let me start by saying that I KNOW that my bottom may look like luxury to some. I know I am lucky to have a family who will take me in and a job when everyone is hurting for money....I'm off track.

I addicted to pain pills..mostly loratabs. That's what I thought anyway until I couldn't get ahold of them recently (for about two months)and started upping my prescribed Ativan(that I've been off and on...mostly on since around 14yrs. I'm 32 now) to make it around the opiate withdrawal symptoms that i'd started to feel from no pain pills.(oh and I'm on zoloft & welbutrin and have been on some antidepresant since 12 or so).

I BELIEVE that I've only been abusing the pain pills for about a year now. I took them at parties once in a blue moon in college then was diagnossed with Trigiminial Nueralgia a disease that is extremelly painful but not constantly...so they were around. Over time I started taking them when I felt sad and in the last year it's been daily no matter how I felt.

I've been lurking and researching for a while, so the "sub route" looks right to me since I can't tell enough people to make it cold turkey...plus I'm scared. Scared of my depression of what will happen in my head if I feel worse than I do now.

Still can't "find anything" and running low on my ativan. I am feeling withdrawals from both now, I think.

2 questions(for now..ha):
is anyone taking their antidepresants with pain pills or did you?

can i even be considered for the sub programs if i take antidepressants and ativan regularly?

OK. Hit me.

Welcome Trapped! Glad that you found us :hug:

Please check out our forums and the stickies at the top of the forums-There
is a lot of support here!

Others will be along to share more with you-

nice to meet you, trapped. can you call/visit your doctor for advice?

keep reaching out! glad you found us. hugs, k

Great job coming in to post and welcome.

I have no experience to answer your questions but I do know that withdrawal from benzos can be difficult. Can you go to your doctor and tell them that you want to quit the pain pills and ativan? There might be something they can do for you to make the withdrawal easier to tolerate.

Do'nt give up on yourself! It will take time, but just take it ONE DAY AT A TIME!

:ghug3

Welcome to SR....:wave:

I suggest you take a read around our
Substance Abuse Forum
And share there too.

I have no experience with your situation
as I am a recovered alcoholic.

Good luck ...:)

Welcome. I think a bit of whining is permissable now and then. :D

But your post didnt come across that way at all. I dont have any personal experience of the meds you mention but am very glad you are here. :)

I think you should print out exactly what you posted and take it to your doctor.

hi trapped....I'm glad you are here...I did drugs for a long time and alchohol as well...but not perscritions...

Yes...talking to a doctor is a very good idea.

You will find alot of people here who will support you as you work toward recovery! We are mostly a great bunch.

It's a great first step that you realize you have a problem to deal with. please talk with your doctor and let us know how that goes. It is really helpful to have a doctor assist with the physical withdrawal stuff.

:ghug

Hi and Welcome,

As others have said, talking to your dr is the best way to go.

I think you will find lots of support here.

i'm not sure what this question means. elaborate if you want to.

i can relate to depression and the fear that not taking the ativan will make the pain worse.

you've had some good ideas to consider here. be strong and follow your heart

thanks everyone
 

I don't know if I should hit the Post Reply button or use this Quick Reply space..hope this works.

CarolID, I have been reading the Substance Abuse Forum and found it extremely helpful. Thanks. I'll repost there too.

As for telling my doctor...I don't really have a primary care doc. I moved a lot and the guy I'm with now is one of those urgent care type facility doctors and to be honest, he's really only good for bronchitis or "simple" visits. There is no relationship there. I lost my insurance this year. I quit my job to write a book (that is being published) but work for my father right now while I job hunt. Obviously money is a factor. I also moved back to my home town and can't go back to the doc I used before. There is no such thing as confidentiality. People knew things about me that could only have come from the dr's office but there is no way to prove it.

I guess what I'm saying is there is no one besides my psycologist and to be honest...he just hands out meds. I don't trust him to not judge me or just give up on me...it happened so many times while I was being diagnosed with the TN before. Rare diseases (in small towns & especially if you are a woman) are written off as "hysteria" or "all in my head". I have had really unfortunate experience with doctors. That's why I thought going straight to an adictionologist or treatment facility would be my best bet.....?

KSplash,

I know that the sub is a powerful opiate and there seems to be some debate as to whether one can take their benzos or antidepresants while on it. I have NO DOUBT that I was born with a chemical imbalance that causes my depression and anxiety. People are simply not suicidal at 5yrs old for no apparent reason. So I know I need those meds. I do not want to give them up and I am afraid that that is what will be done if I seek an outpatient medical rehab treatment. Methadone is not an option... that scares the **** out of me. I was just wondering if anyone here had gone through something similar... Needing the antis and benzo's but needing to kick the opiates. Thanks.

Keep coming back, Trapped.

My own experience is that without a medical doctor's guidance I was always flailing around blindly and getting nowhere.