Controlled Drinking after 4 years?
 

I have posted an email that I recieved from a friend today asking me some challenging and thought provoking questions to which I need to get some outside opinion on. If you are die hard AA and do not see that there are other ways of living please keep your opinion to yourself. I am in AA and mean no offense buit I need unbiased open minds to answer this:

Just curious, I'm not judging you at all, I'm just information seeking for my own purposes. What happened 30 days ago to make you want to try Sobriety one more time? Did something bad happen or did you feel out of control? Or did someone else confront you with their beliefs?

"I have been experimentally having a couple of drinks every now and then and have had no adverse events. Since I have found my spiritual path and stuck to it. I do not feel the need to twist off into the wind and do the things that accompany that behavior. The thing that really sucks is that I don't wan't to share these discoveries with others that haven't found their path yet for fear that they will take my success as "carte blanche" to try some controlled drinking. I have always had a completely open relationship with you and I know that you are actively seeking "Your Solution" as I was. So, I'm just curious about your journey the past few months. So many people think there is only one way to do this and be Happy and Functional and they are completely full of ****."


He has been sober for 4 years and has a very close relationship with his religion and higher power.

Please respond with your insights into your own experiences and his.

Thanks,
Kcal

I'm not an AAer - but I know I can never return to 'controlled drinking'. My drinking was never controlled.

I had times tho where I made myself drink 'normally'...invariably I let my guard down, and invariably that led to a blow out.

If you friend's anything like me, he's fooling himself.

The only reason I can see for anyone returning to alcohol after 4 years living sober is the obsessions still there.

D

I agree with Dee.

It seems to me that his only real question is why did you quit drinking. I think you are the only one who can answer that for him.

Other than that, the rest of his email is him trying to justify why he is drinking again and downplaying your abstinence.

I would say just stay true to yourself and do what works for you, that's how I'm rolling!
:SteprobL:

In my experience,

All of my attempts at controlled drinking were a disaster, sometimes quickly, sometimes it took a while.

As the Big Book says, if someone can return to drinking normally, our hats are off to them.

I just know that I cannot drink in safety.

I can't control my drinking either. It's either none or too much, and I want to stick with none. If your friend can control his drinking after four years sober I guess that's good for him. It would not be good for me tho so I'll stick with abstinence.

I wouldn't do it.

If your friend can, more power to him. But that kind of thinking would kill me.

Controlled drinking for how long? I don't see that in your friend's letter.

I've only been sober for about 2 months but what I would say (IMHO) is that someone who has abused drinking in an uncontrolled fasion then switches to controlled will eventually slip at some point and over do it.

Alls it takes is once in the wrong situation and blam "Big Problems" . Good intentions and plans go out the window once alcohol is introduced into the equation. The discpline and thinking begin to get skewed even with one drink.

My best advice would be if one thinks they can maintain controlled drinking 100% be sure one has a full proof plan for transportation etc..

Remember it takes the body about 1.5 hours to process one average drink or beer. So after one drink in public one should wait 1.5 hours before driving.

A very difficult concept for most to understand and follow.

Maybe that should read Had been sober..

Perhaps your friend is not alcoholic at all. Maybe he is just a moderate or hard drinker that is described in There is a solution in the Big Book.

Real alcoholics, I consider myself one, have an allergy, after the 1st drink the phenomenon of craving happens and I cannot stop and trouble follows.

AA suggests if your not convinced .. try some controlled drinking.

I'm with the others that replied .. I know I cannot .. So I don't.

Peace

Had that same flash back in December 2001, hey! I'm not an alcoholic merely maladjusted and I can drink safely now, this after 14? odd years of sobriety, though only 3 or so in the program.

It took me 5 years to hit bottom, it was brutal. While your friend may be correct that there are 'other' ways of recovery that don't involve AA, none of these methods, IMHO, involve controlled drinking, period. All of them involve total abstinence. We are addicts, we have a physical malady that prevents us from safely using mind altering substances without running a huge risk of become actively addicted to them.

The only major differences I have with the AA 'philosophy' are the statements where they imply that can become an alcoholic by overindulgence, which I believe to be completely untrue, either you have the genetic defect or you don't, that it is somehow a character defect to be a practicing alcoholic, and that alcoholics suffer from character defects that are either the cause of or prevent them recovering from active alcoholism.

There was a cautionary tale a while back about the school of thought that believes true alcoholics can be taught how to moderate or control their drinking, maybe your friend is familiar with the stories?

Moderation Management - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


Now, I'm only sharing this based on my feeling about my disease and how it affects my life. I don't know if your friend is a real alcoholic, the craziest thing about the disease, if we were discussing diabetes or something like that, would we even be having the discussion?

Like sailorjohn I drank after a number of years of sobriety (7). I too had become convienced that my problem was tht i was "malajuted" well in my case taht achol abuse was the result of unresolved abuse issues. I proved myself wrong.

However, that was the path I walked...and we each follow our own path in life. I beleive that the people who simply let me know they were there, but didn't push aa and sobriety on me were actually helpful and were true friends.

Your friend may indeed be following a spiritual path (drunks have been known to do that). I would consider it a good thing that a friend was willing to be honest with me (but i wouldn't put up with obvious drunk dialing stuff). your friend clearly says IMO tht he doesn't want to hurt others who are in the program. I found the letter to be very respectful and honest to you and your friendship....but in the end it's what you think that will matter.

For me, what's the point of drinking anyway? That's what I've concluded. I mean, it brought me nothing but grief and chaos, so why even bother. I can't say that I ever drank for the TASTE, so it must be the FEELING, or LACK thereof that I was seeking. I discovered in my first year of sobriety the reasons why I was drinking, so I worked on those problems, and began to work this program. I have been sober for 4 years and I choose not to "play" with my sobriety. Either you choose to be sober or you don't.

Yes it can be done. Controlled drinking after alcohol abuse but I think the % is very very low.


tib

I would say go for it. Far be from me to get in anyone's way.

A 'Normal" drinker is defined as one who drinks 3-4 drinks per week. Coming from one who has tried for several years to be "Normal" drinker, I see absolutley no point in it now. Why would one bother?
Abstinance for me is a lot easier than controlling it ever was.

Why did he quit to begin with? Was it a problem then? I would hazard a rough guess, that after "controlling" it for a while, it will be begin IT'S control. It usually does.

I don't disagree that some can do it, however, as tiburon88 says, the percentage is pretty low. But, if he can, more power to him.

I don't know. After years of being away, why would he want to chance it? It usually does NOTHING to improve life. It only takes away. (Money, friends, relationships, health, self-worth, memories, and on and on...)

Honu

Thought provoking post, I always find it interesting when folks solicit opinions and feedback, but then qualify those they want the feedback from. I am an AA guy, that being said, I am openminded.

Maybe your friend is not alcoholic, if he can drink and stop abruptly or control the amount, he's probably fine. not everyone that winds up in AA is actually alcoholic. I'd love to hear a progress update a year from now,If he is alcoholic, perhaps his higher power has removed the phenomena of craving, I suppose this is possible.

There is not one way to do this, there is a best way for some of us. I wish you and your friend well as your journey unfolds.

I don't wonder or want to know if I can do any 'controlled drinking'.

I never enjoyed the taste of alcohol, or alcohol in small quantities. I drank to get blasted.

Controlled drinking, to me, sounds like having sex with your clothes on. WHY do it?