the sober life thread
 

Day eight is coming slowly to an end. So good to be sober. Suffering with some stomach problems tough, diarrea and such. Proberly it will go away, otherwise i will visit in three days or so a doctor.

I have decided to keep my travel towards/with sobriety in this thread alone for now. Starting a new one everyday is tiring, and this way it's easier for me to keep track of my own thoughts and such.

So far i'm enjoing life sober, with all the ups and downs.

take care y'all

love,

:funjump:

That's great.

You can use this as a daily journal and you can update each day!

day nine

I started dreaming last night. Really intense dreams, about using weed and XTC, running, chaotic, I remeber really wanting to wake up but I just couldn't.
When I finally did, the first minute or so I felt really bad, cause I thought I relapsed. But then, after a yawn or two, I realised that I did not relapse. I'm still clean!!!!
It's like my brain is finally starting to work again, my thoughts are slowly getting more focussed, less bouncing around, I have more energy too.

Anyways,

Today I have a day off. So I went to the gym this morning. I don't have much plans for the rest of the afternoon, except passing some sales-exam online, for my new job.

I didn't mention this before, but I'm a shopmanager for a music/games/dvd store now. It's like some boys dream coming true, I can listen to music all day, and talk movies and videogames with customers and collegea's. They first wanted to hire me as a salesman, but I didn't do college for nothing, so I did demanded more pay and responsibilities. Still it requires less thinking then the innovation-platform I used to work for, so I can use the energy to recover.

It's excellent for now!

day 11

still here, still sober

yesterday, after work I went with some friends to a bar. I didn't drink, just smoked two sigarettes. Three now since I stopped, I really can't be bothered by it, cause I'm still sober. I know now that I can't do it all at once, still that is no excuse :)

Today I had another day off, so I went to an old friend in another city, about two hours by train from my town. It's nice to visit good people that keep a healthy lifestyle.

My stomach problems are slowly fading away, that is a good thing. I'm sleeping better, and I need less of it too. Still dreaming vivid, sometimes about smoking weed or doing other drugs, sometimes about running away from creatures or objects, and sometimes just a sensation of feelings and images.

the best thing is I realise that all these bodely sensations are just a temporary thing, they cannot and should not control my actions.

Congratulations on your journey. It's a heck of a ride but well worth the price of admission.

BTW. Your location indicates that you are in the Netherlands. You must be a Southern transplant using Y'all like that. And knowing how to spell it. LOL

Daddio: lol, I am actualy from the south of the Netherlands,

day 13,

Almost twee weeks. This is the longest sobertime I had in about two years!!!!!!!!!!

Life continues as it should, working, excersising, fun-time with my girlfriend, sleeping, being gratefull towards my sobriety. One point of attention tough, on day 12, yesterday I smoked another cigarette. This was number 4 since my sobriety. Sigs have to go from now on too. I'm afraid I otherwise start compensating, and that never worked out for me. So no coffee drinking in bars and stuff, at least for a while.

life is great, and I am gratefull

my love for those who are struggeling,

*made a double post*

day 13, and the beginning of day 14

Yesterday I was starting to get sick,very soar throat,clogged nose, numb and slight temperature raise. But I was at work so I couldn't allow myself to crash. I took, devided over the whole day, 3 ubiprofin and two paracetamol. I went to bed at 9 pm.

I woke up this morning, at around 6:30 a.m., just couldn't go back to bed anymore. I still dont feel great, but it's not crippeling so I think I can go to work again, as long as I don't stress myself. I'll proberly take some painkillers, just to stop the fever again. I'm couching up some awfull smelling and tasting stuff, maybe my longes finally start cleaning themselves out of marihuana and tar and such.

I also gonna took a high dose of echinacea,wich supposenly is to boost my defences and some multivitamine. If I still get sick, it's ment to be :) cause I did everything to prevent it. lot's of Sleep, healthy food, some innocent medicine and the avoidance of stress. Curieus what today will bring me.

After today, I'm two weeks sober!!!!! Excellent tought.

day 14 continues:

I gotten sick during the day, it's truely ment to be. Left work early and slept for six or seven hours straight. Tomorrow I have gotten the day off too, say I get the chance to recover properly.

In a strange way it helps my recovery too. It forces me to face life in all it toughness.

day 15

sober and sick

I had problems sleeping, cause I could not breathe through my nose. I'm eating breakfast now, while reading posts on the forums. I'm glad I got another day off from work today, cause otherwise things would have gone ugly.

still couching up all sorts of things, runny nose, and tired. At least my temperature raise is gone, so that's a good thing.

Don't really have the energy to actively work on my recovery, so some forum reading/posting is as good as it get's today.

take care,

day 15

still sick and sober....

I think it's karma, after i gave up the drugs, I just have lived my life for about two week without facing the truth: recovery. I used all my reserves and energy to pretend nothing was going on. I called today and asked for another two days off, they really need me next week due to festivities in the city, so I gotta get fully better.

I realise now how stressed and up-tempo I was. Having difficulty breathing forces you to slow down, it took me almost two days to realise that.

So, a lot of new insights, this being sick is almost a good thing lol. I even have the chance to quit sigs fully, and I am defenitly taking it!

thanks for ur post steamvessel,

day 16

less sick and sober..

I woke up this morning feeling a bit better, still it would have been a mess if I had gone to work tough. My feases (sorry for the details but hey this is about recovery isn't it) finally are fuly normal again, after more then two weeks. Can't tell you how much a relief that is. I knew before that THC attaches to receptors in the brain that control unconsious body functions such as hartbeat and digestion, but that they would influence my digestion this much I have never dared to believe. It must have been stress, ignoring my bodely-recovery by focussing purely on the mind. But hey that;s what weed does, it makes you think way too much.

I feel a bit more balanced now, between mind and body. As soon this cold goes i'm gonna start meditating again, to actually keep that balance, even when working and such.

The rest of the day i'm just resting, gaining strenght and watching movies. Finished alien 1 this morning, how I love the whole atmosphere that movie breathes. Sometimes special effects are not necessary.

Hey there CC! I think your symptoms are normal. Think of it all as PROGRESS!

Stay with it! It gets better!

I am in Amsterdam frequently, and I think it would be hard to get sober there. So, I think that you deserve a big ole' :funjump::cheer

Honu

thanks for the support Honu,

The city I live in isn't really like Amsterdam, with all the hookers and dealers everywhere. But still there are 3 coffeeshops within a fifteen minute walk.

day 17

wauw, day 17!

Since a two or three nights i'm experience proper deep sleep again, not some comatose druggie-crash. Really vivid dreams, from cloverfield-kinda monstermovies to smoking drugs. I wake up energized and with (once again sorry about the details) really powerfull erections, didn't have that in a long time. My sexdrive is back with a vengeance lol.
My cold is slowly clearing a bit. Still couching a lot, and my nose is still clogged, but at least I don't feel like a mess all the time anymore. Tomorrow I will be fit enough to work again, this time I know it for sure. I really want to again. I have been doing nothing for four days now, starting to get a bit restless. Still by being sick I learned a lot about taking things a bit more easy, especially because i'm in recovery.

Just more signs that you are alive! Things getting back to normal, and toxins on their way out! Have a wonderful day! I am very proud of you!

Honu

day 17

I always believed when I quit, it would just take me a day or two, maybe three to get all the toxins out. But, it actually took me more then two weeks, and maybe i'm still not there. A clear sign that I underestimated this whole recovery process. This awareness will help me a lot in the process.

thanks you Honu,

nice :)

day 18

sober!

This morning I went to the gym, I worked from 12:00 - 20:00 pm and then when to visit some friends who were in a pub. Didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't feel urges to do drugs. Just excellent. I sipped from my green tea, and just had fun, focusing on what they had to say, instead of what they were consuming. I will practise this more, focusing on the words they speak.

I would like to reflect more, but it is time for me to go to bed. Getting a good night rest is a major part of recovery for me.

love to y'all and keep up the good fight!

wow CC, look at you !!
I'm so proud :D

:a194:

I enjoy reading your posts CC....
 

I lived in Amsterdam, NL for 4 years and my dreams of immigrating there came to an end after a falling out with my business partner. I so miss the attitude of the Dutch as liberal/non-judgemental people in general. I still battled my alcohol problems but miss living there. I pray for the best for you.

day 19

sober and happy.

I'm taking this truely one day, one bump, one thought, one action at a time. I know now that it is oke to feel bad sometimes, or extremely happy, or sad. Having emotions is okay, altough sometimes a bit scary. The last few years i've been very numb, and now everything is coming back, guild about stupid descisions and actions in the past, grief for friends lost, pure joy because i'm sober now and i've surrounded myself by mainly by good people. Intense love for my girlfriend etc. etc.

This is a good thing, i'll get the hang of it lol.

Today I bought cloverfield on dvd and a cd of pennywise. Lately i can buy so much more games and movies and stuff, just because i'm sober. It saves me loads of money. Been able to boost the savings account more then ever.

And my cold is almost gone :)

Tomorrow is going to be a rough day. They proberly are gonna bust one of my collegea's for theft. I'm struggling a bit with mixed emotions, cause i kinda turned that person in. But hey, I don't want anyone in my team that steales or makes a mess of things.

I keep on telling myself it's just business and the person should not have #@#$#-up in the first place. But still, the person doesn't now it and think of me as a good friend.

watever what will happen, it will be interesting.

Hi and welcome to your new life. It is an awesome journey. Have you thought of going to NA or AA??

heya tanyapmc, i thought about it, but so far it aint my thing. It does not feel right. So far i'am able to stay sober without, so i'll go with that for now :)

day 20

sober and content.

Exciting day at work, my (now ex)collega was interrogated by the internal-affairs section of my company. AFter a confession the collegea was taken to the police station. It's proberly theft of maximum ten grand (in euro's that is). I will leave the rest of the details out due to privacy, policy etc.

No new insights, no new revelations or clearing-ups today. that's just fine by me. I went to the gym this morning and after that I worked from 12:00-20:00 pm. Now I'm just tired, in a good way. I'm drinking my tea and eating my chocolate peanuts, reading story's and stuff on the forums.

I will go to bed soon, tomorrow i've got a long day ahead. Working from 9:30 am to 21:00 pm. So I need to keep my cool and focus on nothing else but work and recovery. And to be honest, that's just fine by me.

a big hug for everyone struggling,

day 23,

sober,alivce and kickin'

I can truely say it is ok for me now to stand next to people who smoke cigarettes, and to feel and accept the cravings, without giving in. I'm not ready to confront myself with peeps who smoke weed tough. I don't want to anyways, why should I?

The last two days have been all about getting up, working, eat, and going to bed again. I've allowed myself to think of nothing else and to want nothing else. Otherwise it would have been pretty stressfull.

A disadvantage of being sober is renewed interhuman-relationships, such as with my parents. We are still fighting over my girlfriend, even tough we've been togheter for almost five years now. My mother hates her, my dad is pretty cool about her luckely.

EVerybody here on this board seems to be very happy and grateful for their parents, but somehow I really can't be bothered with mine. My father is a work-a-holic who has never been there for me, and my mother is a over-obsessing, uber-controlling #@#$@#.
Yesterday, after another argument on the phone I realised that I don't want to see her again. She actually is trying to make me feel guilty over stuff I didn't do, or did as a teenager ten years ago, and that aint helping with my recovery.
She compares me with my sister, and tells me I got a ****** job (witch I love and i'm very good at) and I can't do things right.

Anyways,

I really fed up with my parents in general, who never really accepted me for who I am.

Now I gotta go to work.

My love for all of you that are struggeling.

ps. Not all interhuman relationships are bad, most of them are great!

day 24, lving sober contently

I somewhat avoided the drugs, but the drugs did not avoid me. Yesterday evening I had a barbeque at a friends place, and some peeps were smoking pot there next to drinking alcohol and smoking cigs.

I could not care. The pot smelled like wet-clothing. :)

Most of the guys there knew i'm completely sober since a few weeks, and all I got was respect. I told them that their comsumption just isn't mine, and that I can't seem the handle it. Told them also that I would never turn anti-drugs on them, and that they can do watever they want. Didn't tell them I am active-recovery tough, and about the forums, and all the effort I put into this. That's okay cause they wouldn't understand that I think.

The last time I saw some of the folks there was when I was still using, so it was the first time they saw me sober and healthy. I got a lot of remarks from both guys and girls, 'hey you look good' 'you got a healthy glow' 'you got a nice colour' etc. etc.

I must admid it made me feel really good, and it has strenghten my will to recover even more.

day 26,morning

Went yesterday to some friends, again there was pot-smoking, beer drinking, and cig smoking. So far I didn't have any major cravings, can't really care about the stuff other people do. The only thing I must keep in mind being with them is not to preach, and not to feel negative about them. I find this actually harder then fighting off an accidental minor craving. But hey, my recovery is mostly about acceptence I'm finding out, so accepting others must be important too I guess.

So far i'm very content with my sober life-style, and my improved health and awareness.

Can't seem to find time to meditate tough, I really want to pick it up again, but so far life has been enough of a challenge :). Maybe when i'm a bit more stabile and used to my new life.

I never thought working could give me such a purpose in life. I never thought I could enjoy work so much in the first place.

gratefull :)

day 28, living the sober life,

Yesterday I was content reading posts, and making a reply here and there. Didn't have much to tell.

I'm having a day off today. Tomorrow there's work again, and then sunday i'm off again. Excellent. I really needed to slow down a bit. After breakfast i'm going for a swim, and then i'm gonna spent the rest of the day listening to music and cleaning the house and stuff. Believe me, it's really time to do that lol.

Last monday I met one of my old stoner buddies, and we would going to meet today, just play guitar hero or some other stuff that's a complete waste of time:). I called him yesterday, just to check up about today, what time etc. But he completely forgot and already made other plans. I told him it was okay, and he should do what needed to be done. Inside I felt a bit angry tough, he proberly could hear it from my voice (or not,since he was proberly stoned). Now, I just distanced myself from him emotionally, he is a stoner, and even tough he talks a lot about his dreams and plans and future, I know it's just all bull$%#^. It's not the first time he blew appointments off, but then I couldn't care cause I was a stoner too, even tough I always used to live up to my appointments.

So, in conclusion, I should not expect too much from him (and other addicts in general perhaps).

On the evening of day 26 I confronted myself with an inner fear. This sounds silly, but I have a snake as a pet that I did not dare to hold in my hands. As a stoner the creature really frightened my. Not in it's terrarium, cause he's beautifull to watch. But cleaning and stuff was always a drama. What kind of a person buys a pet he's afraid of lol.
Anyways, this time I just confronted myself with my irrational fear (I could crush him anytime Í wanted to) and picked him up. The first few minutes I got really anxious, hart racing etc. But after a while I got my nerves back, and I could really enjoy the strenght beauty and touch of the creature. Anyways,I found this quite similar with facing sobriety,

Yesterday during the day I called my parents, and we talked a lot. I kept my cool, thought serene and peacefull thoughts, and the talk went quite well. Still I can't make conclusion out of this one talk. I'll just see what the future brings, I asked them to support me, that I needed their love and not always burn me down.

That's it for now, my love for all struggeling and facing their sobriety,

day 30, almost a month of sobriety!!! (my post of yesterday was day 29)

The longer i'm sober, the more I see people say one thing, but then completely do something else. Not just people that drink or do drugs, but everyone. In order for me to become sober, and to maintain it, i have to be completely honest with myself and the facts of life. Now I know that truth comes in fases, i don't have all the answers, but do people really 'lie' too themselves and others so much? Is life really such a burden?'

Do we all just try to cheat life?? Make things better, nicer, supremer, richer, happier, then it really sometimes is??

This disturbes me, but I keep on trying to accept that most people actually do this.

But not me, sobriety has opened my eyes, cause sobriety is more then just not drink, do drugs, lie and deceat. It's about honesty and spirituality.

i'm gratefull to be sober,

my love for all struggeling,