I'm back- and with a question
 

Hey all. I posted here a bit last year, was sober for a WHOLE 9 DAYS, and started drinking again.

I haven't been getting sh** faced, but still waking up with a scorched throat and puffy eyes every morning. That's the worst part to me. That and not being able to go anywhere more than 2 miles from the house with my friends. I changed jobs and make a lot less money but am so much happier, therefore I can't afford cab rides anymore. You see, if I get invited out I know I have to get there and back. Getting there's no problem, getting home is. I want to only have a couple of drinks so I can safely drive, but I KNOW that there is no such thing for me. A couple turns into 9 or 10, I'm drinking grown men under the table, and then I would drive anyway. I refuse to do that anymore. So now I either walk, or stay home. It sucks, and my friends don't really understand.

Sorry, on to the question...

Does anyone else have an extreme urge to CONSUME? I mean it in the very sense of the word. I want all the food, I want all the booze, I want to smoke 3 packs of cigs a day (started again after 6 months smober, another failure of Mrsmurph's willpower). I want want want. I want to take it all in, I want it to be mine, even if it makes me sick. I substitute one for the other. If I can't drink I eat or smoke, if I drink I don't need the others.

It's a weird feeling I'm just beginning to realize. I also want ALL the money. I want ALL the control in my relationship with my hubby. I want to be the BEST. I want to be DRUNKEST.

Anyone?

Oh, and I dabbled in bulimia. Didn't work too well, turns out I hate puking LOL

Hi Mrs Murph - it's good to see you again.

Yeah - as an alcoholic, I wanted to get drunk, I wanted all the booze, and when I smoked, I would chain-smoke the cigs. Sex - I wanted lots. The road to excess, that was me. It's pretty common with addicts.

So - knowing that - what do you plan to do about it?

Hell Rowan, if I knew, would I be here?

Hmm good question?

Mrsmurph, I'm having similar "compulsive consumption" problems now that I've stopped drinking. It's an issue I had as a kid, too - food, soda, whatever, I had to have far more of it than was good for me. When I hit college I switched to alcohol, now that I'm not drinking it's right back to food/soda/etc.

Now that I'm aware of it, I can do something about it. Meeting with a therapist, getting treated for OCD, trying to be mindful of my compulsions.

Good advice tellus, thx