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good grief Uggg. I have been visiting here for a few weeks and I think I have finally admitted to myself that something needs to give. Its just too much! I had about 7 months sober about a year and half ago and decided that college students drink and I was a college student. I left AA with numorous resentments and am nervous about going back . . . Anyway. I don't really know why I am posting. I just feel so alone right now and my cats are sick and tired of hearing about it! (its pretty amusing, right now one of them is looking at the computer screen while I write this, I wonder what she is thinking!) Thanks for listening |
Hi Jes, I think it is overwhelming to realize that we have a problem with addiction, but you can deal with it. Just do whatever you need to do to stay sober and whatever works for you. I hope you cats are feeling better. |
Thanks. I just wish these awful feelings would go away. I know why I drink and that I need to stop, but the insanity of it all is unreal. I feel like there is no one in my life that I can talk to about this, they just don't seem to get it. I feel like running away, or maybe transporting myself back in time when I enjoyed life and didn't really have any problems (oh how lucky I was! and I didn't even realize it) This sucks |
:hug: Welcome to SR! I did return to AA...many tmes not once was I made to feel guilty or unwelcomed. What finally clicked for me was the information found in a book "Under The Influence" We have excerpts on a sticky in Alcoholism. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html Glad you are going to try soriety again ... Recovery Rocks!! ..:) |
I got sober at age of 22 and it was a bit tough being that young and actaully being legal to go bars or club hoping and what have ya. I also relapsed 3 years ago after some lengthy soberiety. People come and go all the time in AA...maybe there's differents folks now ? yeah...i didn't want to go back to NA or AA either. But the thing if it is...i needed to talk to another recoverying alcoholic that could understands me...mmm for the most part just listen to me. You don't have to do anything in AA..you already know that, sometimes..we meeting charectors in there.lol I can't even think in my head of lasting happy times in my childhood. I have glimps of it. i don't know what it truely feels to have a good childhood or experince it...so me going back is a little bit narley.lol I can relate to the progression and the awaerness of it after a relapsed. I do know about the guilt and shame and wishing i wasn't an alki. I do totally understand and feel what you are saying. I think what you're saying is....acceptence is a son of a B%[email protected] I think one of the most happiess moments in my life is when i'm sober. I was sober, i was there. i felt it, I experince it. Sadly, I felt more pain and heartaches while i'm sober too.lol But I lived it. I'm alive throught all of it. It's been a little bit rough lately...but i can't drinking over it. Drinking and using has narley effects on my body and mind.. It makes me crazy and depressed as hell...Do you get like that ? I hope you make good chioce today to better your future and get well. tell your kitty sorry...don't know how to write in catz.lol all i know is meow.... |
ha SaTit, your post put a smile on my face. Acceptence is a son of a bitch! The amusing thing about the whole AA thing is that I moved to a new city about 6 months ago...so I really don't know anyone that goes to AA here. All of the people that I hold resentments against are half way across the country! (this logic of mine, of not wanting to go back even though I have never really gone to a meeting here, kinda makes me want to bang my head against my desk!) I actually made it though college without going crazy with the drinking, though I definately had my (bad) moments. But normal people do not get home from work and have multiple drinks, pass out, then get up and go to work promising themselves that old "never again" saying just to repeat 2 or 3 days later. This whole process is just overwhelming |
yeap..it sure is but you don't have to do it alone...you know that. We all need help though this process. yeap...when the casheir rings up the price of booze before i put it on the counter..it gets me thinking.. why in the heck don't I just buy more for tommorow?lol yeap, that trust issue is a mind and heart twister. You'll let go of it when you get tire of it.. maybe you are ready now, that's why you're starting to face it a little bit at a time. or maybe there's other trust issues in your life too. so when you get miss trust in AA it triggers old trust issues you have already, therefore making it double whamie. so all of this escaping stuff is just your way of coping yes, there has to be more than life to that routine, but why in the hell i kept doing samething night after night is beyound me.lol truning into a pickle at a young age sucks..lol can't be a cucumber again. Just keep reaching out Jes...AA or no AA. |
AA works for me, and yes, I have come back through the doors a few times... All I ever heard is,"We are glad you made it back.Welcome." Give em some pouncers, mine just go nuts for those things! |
My 32-year drinking history is longer than most of you have been alive...but, then, so are my 28-years of sobriety, thank goodness (and AA). I know all about campus life and college pubs. I worked at a major New Jersey college for many, many years, and enjoyed going to all the frat parties. After my husband of 25 years left, a counselor I was seeing suggested I do something for me, so I decided to work toward realizing a life-long goal of a college degree. The problem was that I pretty much majored in Student Pub...stopping for a couple before making it to class. Then, of course, I rewarded myself on the way home by having a few (too many) at my local bar...after all, I was a working single mother of three trying to better herself. What a crock! So, I was going to evening classes with a buzz on, and daytime classes hung-over. Needless to say, I "dropped out" after a couple of semesters before I "flunked out". It took another couple of years before I finally hit bottom and wound up in detox and rehab, followed by daily AA meetings (often doubling up on the weekends, because they were particularly rough for me). After six years of good, continuous sobriety, I finally got up the courage to go back to taking classes. Working two jobs, still making lots of AA meetings, taking one or two classes a semester, it took six years to earn a two-year degree...but, I also graduated with high honors. The difference was being a recovering alcoholic. Good Grief...sobriety sure does rock!!! |
Welcome to SR... Keep posting, A meaningful life IS waiting for you... You can have a wonderful life in sobriety...:morning |
Hi Jes, I can see you sitting there with your cat looking at the screen. Give them a tickle for me. I so related to the pattern of your drinking. In the end, I stopped asking myself why I was doing this to myself. I just had no more thinking left. I drank cos that's what I did. I couldn't imagine not drinking. Everyone I know drinks and most of them were alcoholics in the end. Then I couldn't image life if I kept drinking. I got the jumping off point before I lost everything. I am lucky. If you jump into this, there will be hands and arms to catch you. I'll be one of them. xx |
Give AA another try if that is your chosen method of recovery. I know that all of the times that I've went there were no judgments and I was always welcomed as a fellow traveler on the road. (I also think they liked me cos I would always read out loud when asked LOL) Just go and see and if it doesn't feel right for you, maybe you could choose another type of recovery or go to online meetings. Do whatever you have to do no matter how silly/strange you might feel it is. That's what I do---I drink a lot of water and I try to come here at least once a day. I've also made myself stop and consciously think when I'm wanting a beer. So far I'm talking myself out of it. Good Luck to you!! :hug: |
Thanks all. I had a good day. I got out of the house and I stopped beating myself up (oh the depression of a hangover). I appreciate all of your good thoughts. And my cat also liked the attention :) |
hello everyone, i'm on here to see if i can find out information about children of alcoholic fathers, my fiancee is 28 and a child of an alcoholic father, there are some things that we are trying to work though with our releationship, i'm wondering if there is anyone out here that has either been engaged or married to a child of an alcoholic or is a child of an alcoholic that i can ask questions of. thank you |
Hi Jess, Lol i can identify with your 'logic' of being a student drinker - im at uni and often thought nah im not an alchy, im only 20! Im at uni, i shu be having fun etc etc! But no....i had to accept- yep the big word lol - acceptance- it is HARD. i drank last night - because after two months in A.A i was still having doubts. Im glad i did it now, its made me see that i have no control over my booze intake and when i truly want to stop i cant which = alcoholic, in the big book. Hope u get sober and happy :) |
welcome to SR :) |
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