WOW! 15 days - no alcohol
 

I'm still blow away by the fact that I just don't want it. I tried to stop before and I just never could make it. I just drank, drank and drank some more. Hungover ALL the time. Felt terrible mentally and physically all the time.

I can't believe how much better I feel by not drinking. I think had I kept on the destructive path I was on, I would not have lived a long time.

One thing I am doing different is removing the temptation. I think it may mean that I have to give up my s/o. That makes me sad but I have children (grown) that need me. I have a beautiful Grandson that I love so much.

I am very grateful and thankful for being sober. I just pray I can continue.

How sad that it took loosing my mama to be where I am right now.

There are often very hard choices we have to make in order for sobriety to work for us. This sounds like a tough one. Good for you having 15 sober days!

Yes Anna, very hard choice but one I believe I'm willing to make if necessary.

Is that right? We do whatever we have to remain sober. In my mind that is right but I don't know.

It's kinda like stepping on someone else for my own good. Selfish maybe. I don't know. *smiles*

Well done on your 15 days starlite dawn :) very happy for you

here's to another day in recovery! hugs, k

Hi Starlite-Well done and congratulations on 15 days! Keep praying! Hugs, Jomey

Congrats on 15 days! That is awesome that you feel better! Keep up the great work!!

:Val004:

Great job and keep it up. 94 days for me and I enjoy being sober and having a different mentality towards life.

Congrats Starlite! :)

Congratulations...

i am sure she's proud of you..where ever she is....and mom's always know that their kids are struggling..i don't think we wanted to hurt out families..and i believe they know that..

she's proud of you Dawn...

karimpatim - *tears*

I want my mama to be proud of me, I do.

This is all so strange to me. Always before, when things got hard, I ran straight to a bottle. I kinda feel like my little mama is leading me.

Thank you all so very much for the congrads and the encouragement. Very much appreciated.

*smiles*

Congrats on the 15 days, what exactly have you done to take your mama out of the equation if you do not mind me asking?

Taz - not sure what you are asking me here. I don't mine you asking me anything. *smiles* I just want to keep on the path I'm on right now.

I drank heavily on August 15. My mom had an accident August 16. I lost her August 19.

I have not drank since August 15.

It's a beautiful, and sad story..that can turn into a story of recovery..

For some people it's hard to deal with both recovery and the weight of a date related to a lost...But if for you this is something you feel ok with, i give you my complete congrats on having such an action...

I for once tried many times to get it together for others and it didn't work, because i was too destructive that i couldn't bare to deal with that...but i recognize, because i've been there, that it's one of the most beautiful actions a person can take..

i am sorry for your mom..But i am completely confident, believing in God, that you'll never walk alone, nomatter what happens...ok? Now you have an angel..

Whhhhaaaat weeee haaave heeeeere is a failure to comunicate! :)

So sorry your mama died (pretty sure that is what you are talking about). I really don't think anyone thinks you took your mama "out of the equation" (hmm I think we all know what that would mean). I hope you don't think I am trying to make light of this, just trying to help out.

Karimpatim - I'm real confused right now to be quite honest. I don't know why I'm not drinking or why I don't want to drink. I do get scared that the old urges will return and I won't be able to deal with them.

I can't say that I'm not drinking for my mama. My mama never knew I drank. It's just since all this has happend, I've not wanted to drink. I sure don't understand it. For the last 7-8 years, I've never gone this long without drinking. I'm one that drank on Monday, nursed that hangover on Tuesday and started all over on Wednesday.

Lee - yes, my mama, she died. I think a part of me did too. No, I don't think for one minute anyone meant anything bad. I think this is a place where people help you.

I am most grateful for your kind thoughts, comments and encouragement. I'm just trying to stay where I am right now and keep adding those days up. *smiles*

I'm just glad that you don't have the urge to drink, starlite dawn. Have you considered or are you already seeing a professional or health provider about your past alcohol abuse?

The old urges may return - and it's important to have a solid foundation, or plan, to fall back on if and when that happens.

I'm so glad you're here with us, starlite dawn.

Honey the fact you realize your confusion is a good thing..I got worried that you had all that weight in you shoulders.I will tell you why..When my uncle died i started thinking that all those people i knew and loved, who died, would be tremendously disappointed at me, looking down from Heaven, and seeing how troubled i was after all, being that i always was the guy who looked to be positive and ok...It took me a long time to realize that i am human and whatever they are doing up there they would understand my struggles....I think the fact you are recovering of two things is quite difficult...Are you being supported by other people?

Ah, Rowan, thank you. I'm so happy to be here and go glad I found this place. I came a good while back because I wanted to stop drinking but I never was able to do it. So I've been lurking because I was still drinking.

I am not seeing a professional at this time, but yes, I do feel I need to. I think my foundation is not solid. I wanted to have a drink Sunday but I was able to not do do that. It was not so hard that time but I do worry about the next time I want a drink.

My s/o, he is a very heavy drinker. I've avoided him. I have to. Plus the fact that I can't just have a drink. I'm the one that stays at the bar till the bartender screams "we ain't got no more liquor."

I want to remain sober so very badly. I pray almost non-stop. I am scared and confused. But I do know I want this sober life. I like it. *smiles*

Why not call AA or an addictions counsellor, and start looking at your drinking while your resolve is strong?

Sobriety is much much more than not drinking - and it's hard work - but it's tremendously rewarding.

Karimpatim - No-noone to really help me. Right now, I'm just spending alot of time alone. Just me and Good Lord above. I like it that way for now. I need quiet time badly. For once in my life, I'm allowing myself to have that time.

Rowan, what does it mean that sobriety is much more than not drinking?

Well, for me, it's about taking steps to correct past wrongs. Being a better parent to my children through not drinking and by taking a more active role in their lives.

It's about spending time with other people in recovery. It's about getting right with God. It's about apologizing to people I may have hurt through my actions, and by changing my behaviour.

It's about helping others who enter recovery, by sharing my own experience.

In a nutshell, it's about CHANGE.

When I drank, I did so in order to escape from life, from depression, from insecurity, from fear, from feeling rotten. I wanted to numb out, and to not feel. I didn't learn how to cope with life, I just drank it all away. And when I stopped drinking, I found myself not knowing how to cope with life without feeling overwhelmed or like wanting to kill myself.

Sobriety, or if you will, recovery, is teaching me a little at a time how to rejoin the human race. I attend relapse prevention group therapy twice weekly and it's helping me to look at family of origin issues. All of the above is helping me to become whole. I was so broken, starlite dawn.

Oh Rowan, what a powerful post. Thank you for sharing you. Your last line made me feel so sad. I am happy for you that you have found help and are beating this addiction and finding you.

I think it's just great that you know why you drank. I don't have a clue why I drink. I really don't.

Thank you all. *smiles*

Stay sober, and you'll find out :)

Starlite - You are making it girl - you are making sobriety and happiness into a reality.

I am so proud of you, especially after the death of a loved one