Is your everyday life at least 95% happy?
 

I am experiencing a quandary. I am a former musician-writer and in some circles a very accomplished and articulate audio producer now semi retired in Las Vegas. At age 48. I am financially secure for the moment anyway.

I have experienced 2 real parents that abandoned my brother and I at an early age and 7 step parents all dysfunctional. I have been a dishwasher, paperboy, truck driver, insurance executive, house painter, audio producer and most everything in-between. I have studied Tony Robbins, SRF, Science of Mind, Christianity, Zen, and a variety if very helpful philosophies. I gave up drinking now about a month ago and I can’t say that I am any more happy or focused. In fact I had more fun (while the fun lasted) partying hard but yet responsibily!

I am exercising, praying, eating less, reading positive books and still I feel empty and struggling with very little motivation. All the “what if’s” keep popping up in my head about former relationships, the kids I helped raise, income, retirement and what I should do in my life now. I turn on the TV for some inspiration out of being hard up and bored and guess what? It is pathetic! Cop shows, court shows, negative news, judging talent and competition crap, comedy that could be written by a 10 year old and I can go on and on. How many people out there get up and have a great day everyday? Please respond, and please share with us all how on earth you got to that amazing level, and what you keep doing to stay there. Thanks. Mike in Vegas keeps trying!

i'm not having a real great day, so i'll just sit back and listen, mike in vegas..

it's a great thread topic!

thanks, k

Sorry to hear that parent. Stay up-beat! I'm trying to.

No, mine is not. I'm interested to see how many people answer yes, and what the key is :). Thanks Mike.

Mike, you're in early sobriety. And, like every good alcoholic, you want things to be better NOW !!!!!

Give it some time.

Also, if you're working a 12 step program (which I suggest), you'll soon discover this thing called serenity. Awww man, is that good stuff !
Anyway...Am I happy ? Happy is subjective.

Am I rich ? No.
Am I grateful for what I have ? Yes.
Do I have problems like everyone else ? Yes.
Do I regret the past or ask "what if" ? No.
Do I know the word peace ? Oh yeah.
Do I hate life ? Not anymore.
Can I sleep at night ? Most definitely.

My life is overall much better than when I was using.

It took me a good couple of months for the toxins to leave, for my emotions to settle down, and for my body and soul to repair so that I *knew* this was worth it, not just because I intellectually knew it was necessary for me not to drink.

Think of this like a long improvised jam, mike...takes a few bars to get into the groove, you know ?...but when you're there !!... ;)

am I happy 95% of the time. Nope. Only dogs, idiots and religious zealots are happy that much.

This is life. But I have more ups than downs, I like myself, and I wouldn't change my life for anyone elses :)

D

When I got sober I was expecting certain things to happen. I wanted to feel something intensely. So I had a good relapse and felt a really intense hangover that lasted almost 2 weeks. yuck!!

Anyway I got pregnant after a year of being clean I felt terrible the whole time I was pregnant but, I was very thankful that I had been clean for a year and did not have to worry that alcohol might harm the baby. Today he is 20 years old and a great person. I became intensely interested in raising my son and being healthy.

I am very happy that I did not find motherhood boring.

There has been a lot of negative stuff in my life since I have been clean. There was a lot of negative stuff in my life before I got clean but, I am sure I would rather be clean going thru it than drunk.

I have gotten over my grandiose bs and my desire for things to be intensely fun. My feet are on the ground I know that alcohol hurts my body and my mind.

One time I was out with my son and we ran into a woman that I was in school with she had a beer in her hand and it was obvious that she had had a few that day...my son asked me if she was one of grandma's friends I told him no that I had gone to school with her and he said well she looks as old as grandma....alcohol ages a person and I am really glad that I don't have to look in the mirror at a 50 something year old drunk...yuck again...

Focusing on my health as brought me many rewards. While many of my school contemporaries are being treated for hepatitis, cirrhosis, and other horrible diseases I am in good health. Many people are surprised at how old I am.

While I don't drink anymore I can still play music, paint, write, workout, go out to dinner, take my dogs for a good brisk walk and in the morning when I wake up I feel good :) plus I do enjoy my work and my off time too.

SO I would say I am happy about 90% of the time but I am striving to get that other 5% :)

Can I just steal Glass's thoughts? Lol;-)

I can't express happiness with percentages. I wake up every morning and look forward to another full and rich day in sobriety. But it didn't happen as soon as I got sober, and it requires constant willingness and devotion. For me that means continued prayer and meditation, AA meetings, and embracing the Steps as a program of recovery. The payoff is that the Promises come true, I'm given a life beyond my expectations. Life isn't perfect, but I'm given the tools to live life on life's terms.

You're still very early in recovery, Mike. Give it time, do the work, and I'll almost guarantee you'll reap the rewards.

Hi Mike,

I know that my life is better now than it ever was because I began the recovery journey. It has been difficult looking at myself realistically and honestly and then trying to begin to live an honest life. I do feel that I have reconnected with my HP and am always trying to listen to my soul. It takes work and time and effort but I truly believe it is worth it.

I hope you keep searching and I hope you find peace in your life.

96tears: I am not one of the people who is happy 95% of the time, but if I applied proper thinking to my actions, I would be one of them. Pretty much everything is determined by how we think about it. For example, when someone to whom I have been kind is not grateful, I take that as an opportunity to practice patience and to disengage myself from "worldly" attachments, like pleasure-pain, gain-loss, praise-blame, fame-disrepute. (I'm a Buddhist.) The point (or thinking) is to do what is right...treat others with compassion, help them when you can, or at least don't harm them. Doing or thinking that way leads to happiness, but it takes some familiarity. Keep at it, we are with you. ~Kate

Hi Mike,

First week was really hard to be happy about anything...If anyhting I had to look at the destuction alcohol caused in my life...

It DOES get better and as said going through the trying times is better sober than under the influence...

Hang in here, you can do this!!!

Mike,

For me, sometimes it's as simple as accepting where I am. Today, I'm sober, so it's a good day. I used to hate when people said that, but I do agree with it now. Things are more manageable today. My highs may not be so high, but my lows aren't so low, either. Life has taken on a slower, gentler, turn, and I like it that way.
Stay with us. Have faith.

Rowan

The 95% is a toughie, but I think I was close to that today. Had a good day at work, skipped out early to play some golf with a friend - first time I had played in three years. Then lifted weights with my son after shamelessly pounding back a Big N Tasty Cheeseburger from MacDonalds... We joked about going to Bolivia next year and bicycling down the "World's Most Dangerous Highway," a 60km downhill ride with a 3600m vertical drop!

Even my daughter was reasonably pleasant this evening, as I chatted amicably with her while gobbling up the burger. (She's a vegetarian and sometimes can be a little annoying if you eat meat around her)

The only downer today was that the youngest boy had a virus or something earlier with a high fever. However, he seems much better now.

The happiness I had today seemed to stem from just letting go and focus on now rather than worrying about what will come tomorrow or next week or next year for that matter. I enjoyed just being me today without help from any substances. What a change.

Tomorrow may not be as pleasant, but you never know - it may be better! That one-day-at-a-time philosophy may be hackneyed and cliched but it can work.

96 tears..

Love the screen name BTW...when I see it I can't get that tune out of my head..

Am i happy 95% of the time..

Heck no! And not lately...

But I have found there is a big difference in being happy and having joy...

Happiness depends upon people, places, and things being to my liking...

and, they never will be 100 percent to my liking.

Because of the spiritual change I have found in recovery..(for me it has been

gradual)...I've learned that joy comes from deep within..the sense that I am

doing the right thing ..

What I am learning is not what I can get out of recovery..but rather how much

I contribute..how much I can pack in to the stream of life on a daily basis..

It is n ot so much what I can get..but how much I can give..

(BTW..this is one of the principles of AA)..

My best to you Mike!

Love,

IO

man, I hate these math questions ...

happy 95% - not even close.
well, kinda close - maybe 60%.
but .. I'm nuts.

better off without booze - 100%.

no lie.

Having a Pity Party!
 

I have to agree with Barb; but, oh boy, did you pick the wrong day to pose this question! I posted today in the Women's Forum.

"Oh, don't get me started on the impatience and intolerance of the patients for each other! Sadly, the ones who are so quick to criticize and ridicule don't realize how bad they are themselves! I have to try to bite my tongue because it doesn't do any good to point it out to them.

I'm having a bit of a "meltdown" today. I don't think I will ever consider this my "home"...it's just a place I have to stay because I have nowhere else to go! As nursing homes go, it's supposed to be one of the best in the area...but, I hate not having my own place...and, practically everything I owned is gone. It might as well have gone up in flames! I wish I could feel some kind of gratitude...maybe tomorrow...but, today I just feel pissed off!"

Sorry I can't be more upbeat today, but sometimes it just beeze that way. Talk to me tomorrow.

Well... It depends on what you mean by "happy".

If you mean - do I jump out of bed each morning estatic to meet a brand new day of joyful surprises with a smile on my face and never a worry in my heart 95% of the time then... no. I don't even know if that's possible.

However, if you mean "content" or "satisfied", then yes, I am satisfied with my life 95% of the time.

My response would be similar to Glass Prisoner's. I'm not rich or wildly sucessful. I don't have very many possessions. I have problems and crises to deal with just like everyone else - some of them greater than others.

Like you 96Tears, I had a bad time growing up. And I've had a variety of careers and did well at them. I used to work for Microsoft, and there I had a lot of money and things. Surprisingly, it wasn't as great as I thought it would be. One day I realized I didn't need it all and I was just working at my job (which I didn't enjoy) to keep it. So shortly after, I gave away/sold nearly everything and left the industry.

Now I live in a one room house that's very tiny. I don't even own a television. I went from driving a kick-ass sports car to a stationwagon. I have to live frugally on a student's budget.

I am in veterinary school which has been a calling for many many years and that has required an unbelievable number of sacrifices - from how much free time I have to where I live to how I live. It's exciting to be moving towards the goal of becoming a doctor, but difficult too. And crap happens. Two weeks ago I was sitting in church and got a stabbing pain in my back that wouldn't go away. It turns out I had kidney stones. Most unbelievable pain I've ever felt in my life and I spent a week in the hospital requiring two surgeries. But hey ... things happen and I'm okay now.

I guess that's my life: things happen, but I'll be okay. I wouldn't change anything in my past, present, or future - all of those things shape who I am and who I will become. There's no secret to it other than accepting that this is my life - it's not that great, but it's what I've got to work with. And I can live with that.

I might start by turning off the TV though. It sucks anyway. :)
~SK

Well I'm not 95% happier. But I'm happy that I quit drinking. I'm back in AA with all my old friends and getting acquainted with some news ones. Also SR helps me a lot too.

My drinking took me to a very lonely place. I drank at home and didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. So I am happy that there are people in my life again. Even when I do have bad days. Which I do have since today is day 19 for me sober.

Barb

i'm 95% happy when i'm gardening...

Hey 96.. I've only been sober for 4 LONG days now.. :) but I have something that might relate to you directly.
I am also a musician and own a small recording studio. Mostlly just so I can record myself and friends. Here is the crazy thing though. When I made my descision to be clean on Monday I needed some things to occupy my time. I started picking up my guitar every night. Here is where it gets kinda weird.

I play better!.. I am more creative.. I can even listen louder because I have no headache :)

I'm not saying everytime I played music i was wasted (most of the time) but having a clear mind from being sober definitley has done something to my creative side. Playing and recording music makes me happy.. doing it with 100% clarity is priceless. I am more coordinated, retain notes / songs better and think differently about song structure.

As for being happy most of the time..? I don't have percentage, but the more time I spend doing the things I love.. (Family time, music etc..) the happier I am.

Happy when drunk? = For the first couple of hours..
Happy when sober? = Does a fat kid love cake? absolutely.

Guy

Keyboardist here. And my chops are WAY better than they have been in years. I can relate.

96, i'm gunna lay this one down like i'm on my drum kit...

i pick up my 5A's, do a little tune'n of the head, adjust my seat, and take a deep breath...

a'1'a, a 2'a & a 3'a (steps), and i lay down a beat, try to keep it right in the pocket, a smooth groove...

yes, i can say i'm resonably happy most days, and if i'm not... at the end of the day... i reflect on the why nots...

i can honestly say, i have not once went to bed miserable once in sobriery and recovery...

its the days i start out with the parade sticks i have to watch out for...

i know i should not by the ticket to the parade!

wishe'n you all the best 96...

ohoh, you kinda look like the guy from ? & the Mysterians, a way bit older...

the 96 tears band from my era...

xxoo, rz

Same deal here. No doubt about it. Other people have commented...my playing's much better sober.

and Rusty's right...you're not '?' are ya, Mike ? ;)

D

Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

In sobriety I have had a grandson born with HLHS, simply put he had half a heart. One week later my youngest daughter gave birth to a child at 15 years old, after being molested by an adult "religious leader" in a youth group. We had to arrange for an adoption while the "half hearted grandson" of my oldest son fought for his life in the University of Michigan hospital.

Over the last several years I have been quite well off in my business and "on the edge" at other times. Loved and lost some great ladies. Had my #2 son admit to a serious drug addiction and watched the last of the four kids, a daughter graduate with high honors from USC.

In short, life just continued to happen, but I was aware of all of it while it happened. I am sure that my being drunk would not have made any of the above mentioned things BETTER and surely would have made some of them much worse.

I am CONTENT 95% of the time. I think happiness is a momentary state, much like sorrow. To live a CONTENTED and VICTORIOUS life requires that I do the best that I can in all situations, and I know with certainty that I HAVE NEVER BEEN AT MY BEST DRUNK!

Jfnaagle..

To live a CONTENTED and VICTORIOUS life requires that I do the best that I can in all situations...
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Amen to this..amen!

Thanks for the reply. I need to get a drum kit I can play on here at home again. I only have a stand up cocktail rockabilly kit here now set up. That will help with staying focused and healthy too. Still sober baby since July 9th 2007. Thanks!
I love that band!

Amazing story and God Bless you and yours! It is interesting that a lot of folks do not talk much about how life has it's way of throwing us curve balls and that we actually, in a lot of circumstances, have nothing to do with what comes right to us and sits on our laps for what ever reason. In other words by no fault of ours, sometimes it just punches us right in the face for no apparent reason, but we tend to blame oursleves. After that certain something has sat down on our lap and now turns into a situation to deal with, being sober will more than likely cause one to make a much more solid, wiser, well thought out decision, instead of a wobbly, pissed off, sloppy, arrogant, distorted choice.

I can relate to what you are going through. It is tuff. Life changes so quickly, and what one has built up for decades can change or disappear within weeks, or even days, or even minutes. I think this is where memory, focus, peace, and meditation come into to play. Just relax and enjoy the wonderful memories you have about the things that were so real in your life, so real that you can still touch them, smell them, taste them, and experience them in your mind because you were actually there, and had the wonderful opportunity to live through it all, which no one can ever take away.