*&^%$
 

It's 2:30 am where I am and if I had booze in the house I'd be drinking it right now. I'm not doing too well this week. And the weird thing is that I've been going to meetings every day! I don't know what the heck is making me feel like this. I don't like it.I'll have five months Saturday. I can't sleep, I'm depressed over the stupid little things, I feel alone (there are currently 7 other people sleeping upstairs right now!!) I'm sad about a friend who's blown me off...its just stupid life crap why is it effecting me so?? I KNOW what to do so why aren't I doing it???

Merlo
you are right on target...This will pass...just hang inthere...Don't quit now

PM me..we'll chat more

Sending hugs

thANKS FOR SHARING

******** MM }}}}

You didn't , though. GOOD !!!!

I am really starting to think I'm right in that every few months, the liver
(or some dang place all jammed in there)
releases pent - up toxins and the result -
we go gonzo.

I'm also wondering if the steps are in that order ...
because they coincide with that.

just a theory.

nd - lastly - I don't know - why *aren't* you?

wow - echo - I answered the other one - LOL

Hey Barb,

Each time I walk into a meeting, I search for a woman who raises her hand when they ask "who has many years of recovery" and I scope her out during the meeting and think, well, I'll ask her to sponsor me. Then, and holy cow I'm being honest here, maybe she shares and I find some little thing that she says or does or something and I discount her. Tuesday, the man that I greatly admire who I wanted to ask to sponsor me wasn't there! Jeez, I just feel doomed.

Hi Merlot,

I'm sorry you got get rejected by your friend.
I don't take rejection too well either...so it's just normal.
i think most normal peaple don't take rejection too well either..

Just fusrtrations..it passes. i don't know..i know i'm suppost
to do a lot of things, but i don't do them.
I don't drink no matter what tho, that's something i'm do right
anyway..my sponsor told that's the only thing i have to do
right is step #1..which is don't drink and use no matter what.

Congrates on your five months..that's an accomplishment.

I'm telling myself that you know folks move in and out of our lives and that doesn't mean that it didn't mean anything..but yeah it hurts. I'm NOT drinking. I'm glad that there's nothing in the house though. It's that friggin close..

you might try what I did -

I asked the 'scariest' woman there.
The one woman ... every other woman was afraid of.

She's still my sponsor.
And ... probably my best friend.

See -
the others were only afraid of her ...
because she pretty much said the deal.
There was none of that placating stuff with her.

And that is exactly what I knew I needed.

that's when to put in a speaker tape -
call someone in the Fellowship...
keep posting here ...
do the dishes ...
read the BB ...

whatever it takes to remember that the 'reality' we are perceiving at the moment ...

... probably isn't what's REALLY happening.

Thanks Barb..yes..that's why I reached out here. SR leaves the light on.

I will take that into account. Thanks Barb. The meeting tonight didn't have a whole bunch of women. We are going to a new woman's meeting Thursday (is it Thursday?) and hopefully I'll be able to get up the nerve there.

at least you're keeping busy right now ...
what with posting on two threads and all .. LOL

The women's meetings are a very good place for sponsor shopping.

Hey..when I need attention...I NEED ATTENTION. :-)

Getting into acceptance. Accepting people places
and things just as they r suppose to be,,,,that use to
pizz me off so much because i was/am powerless over
changing anything and everyone.....

Say your SERENITY PRAYER over and over again till u
feel peace within....i would say this everytime my feathers
were ruffled....

Get into helping someone...that gets u out of urself and
will allow u to see that maybe our problems are not as
huge as someone elses...

And thats how it works for me. :)

Sharon has said it all for me. You'll be OK it just takes time for our biochemistry and mindset's to change is all.

hugs indie

that was great MM - *need attention* LOL

MM, attention you got!

its a process MM, some qiuck, some slow... dont give up...

agreed, find Big Bertha! and follow directions... lol

you can do it...

xxoo, rz

how are you, merlotmamma? sending hugs, k

Thinking of you and you know these feelings of sadness will pass.

Keep posting....

Feeling any better now merlotmamma? :hug:

Good morning.

I think so. I have to drink more coffee though. Finally fell asleep round 3:30. I have that woman's meeting tonight..I'm praying for a sponsor!

Karen

Hi Karen,

I'm glad you didn't drink, and that you're going to a meeting tonight. Make sure you share how you are feeling. :hug:

Rowan

Rejection like that gets me all the time. But yeah, it's nothing to drink over and I try to remember that it's not about me, then I work at refocusing on my recovery.

This meditation always helps me out-

Moving On

Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief.
--Codependent No More

Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.

This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.

Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.

Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.

If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.

We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.

Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.

Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.

Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.

We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.

No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.

Our needs will get met.

Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.


From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

thank Goodness the light is on 24/7.

So grateful for that.

Send a pm or an email anytime..was really good chatting with you..
I needed that very much!!!

hugs and warm thoughtsd

you will remain in my p[rayers.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE WHERE YOU ARE!!! jUST BE!! And remember to breathe...slow deep long breaths occasionally is always a good way to "Pause when agitated or doubtful...and ask for the right direction or right action"

Thanks everybody... :-)

Astro
 

Boy, thank you very much for that! I really needed it...

Karen

Just wanted to chime in that I'm glad you didn't drink.Sending you good thoughts.

good god , you all...that use to drive me off the wall.
I didn't really understand or grasph it, at first.
What do you mean, I'm exactly suppost to be where i'm suppost to be ?..lol

I go to my sponsor with all kinds of problems..then he'll tell me to go
wash my car and buff the wheels then read page 449 ...what da ???

how are you doing today, Merlot

I'm ok. The things that continue to happen today are really getting to me. Just found out that next week, instead of going on vacation (which we had to cancel cause we have no money for vacation)I get to stay home and watch 6 kids! My partner has the op to work, and we need the money, but her kids are flipping needy and the prospect just doesn't sound great right now.

I just have to hang in there till the meeting tonight at 7:30.

Hang in there.

And remember, you could have no home and no kids......

My last "vacation" wasn't voluntary.