you don't ever have to feel tired like that again! what a chance you have! you are young, you do this, you get it! it's not as the words go, but is as deep as they can go! since yesterday i have been saying to myself; you never ever have to use again. hadn't understood what that meant before, it means, i don't need ever again to believe in the rush of giving up, i won't!because i can be clean for the rest of my life. Who's gonna tell me it aint possible? talk to God if you doubt me...he'll tell ya: here's your life, here's your power, now kick the ass of everything tearin' you down, get up, ignore the lie of every negative energy that needs a body to lay down, and start being everything you can.in Amy's face i can see yours. there's a girl with such a believe in herself that's gonna make the world her heaven!Stay strong,i think i am one year older than you and i sure know how it feels to see people graduating. You have had God shown you how life is hard at a very young age. You have special tools to have an amazing future life!i wouldn't wright this if i didn't believe with all my strength you, me and everybody here will feel the power of sobriety...

Thank you very much for that message. It touched me. You're right...I really shouldn't give up. I know this is going to sound extreme but I'll say it because I'm sure everyone here has experienced it to some degree. After "coming down" from the high earlier this morning, I felt so depressed. I really wondered what the point of continuing on was, to the point that I thought maybe it would be best to end it all. I thought about the notes I would write to my family and friends. Not that I actually did it (obviously not, ha) or would in a sober state, but it scared the hell out of me. I was so sure that it was something I should do, just because I felt so horrible from the depression that comes with a coke-like comedown. It's so convincing. I was in agony for hours because of it, lying in bed, exhausted with no sleep but knowing that in an hour I'll have to be up anyway. My heart was racing only in the way that drugs make it race. I was so convinced that this should be the end. Wondering why the hell should I get up because I ****** up and I always will **** up. I have embarrassed myself more times than I can count and all of these things just flooded my head. I thought about sleeping pills and what not but it was this comedown that made me feel that way. Thank G-d that I'm sober today. I'm tired as hell, but I'm not going to give up. I started to become paranoid thinking what did I do last night, trying to convince myself that I blacked out (which I know that I didn't) just because I'm so used to feeling this way. I'm done with this way of life.

You will make it, BtB...you got the moxie !

D

dust urself of and keep going, its all part of the journey, put it behind you and learn from it. What will you do differently this time?

Kevin

What will I do differently? Well, I'm not going to allow for substances to be left around the house...I should have flushed them earlier but it reassured me to know that they were there "just in case". I can't have any more "just in case's" laying around. I'm also going to try and start going to meetings. I've white knuckled this for too long. I'm going to try my best to forget about the past.

Hi B2B..cleaning house is good...

it's ok...we learn from our mistakes.....
 

hi....don't beat yourself up too bad.....with every,"slip",we learn alittle more about ourselves and this addiction......just hang on,and stay here at SR......we're all pulling for you...KT