A long road ahead
 

Let me start by saying that I drank heavily for 18 years..I'm 36, so half my life. I was able to hide it well from employers, some church friends, and such. Never got fired from a job because of it, or anything. This Sunday I made a decision to stop. I have been sober for 5 days now, not a drink, and attend AA meetings nightly. All of the alcohol is out of the house, not a drop around anywhere, but I fear the damage it caused can't be fixed...

You see my wife took the kids and moved out because of it last Friday. I have not seen her since...and the way she talks on the phone, i don't expect to. Maybe it will work out eventually, i don't know. If anybody is in this situation, PLEASE don't let the disease take your life away, it has mine..

Shawn

Welcome to SR!
:c031: Sounds like you are off to a great start!

Blessings to you and your family

Hi Shawn, and welcome!

I'm sure it is very complex, but I would venture a guess that nothing is broken in your life that cant be fixed. Sounds like you have a church, friends, and a job. You're not in Jail with months or years ahead in the "system" to deal with. And your are 5 days better off than you were last weekend.

Good luck with your recovery, you are among friends here. Post often and let us know how it is going.

Steve

for me, the funny thing is, staying sober for the last week has been the easy part, at least so far. It is the overwhelming feeling of despair, knowing the pain and grief I caused my wife and children, and the not knowing if we will ever be a family again. And going to the meetings has certainly helped to keep me from drinking again.

Hi Shawn,

Sometimes it's so difficult to deal with the messes we create in our lives, once we decide to stop drinking. I know how impatient I was in early sobriety, wanting everything to be fixed. It doesn't work that way and patience was a lesson that I had to learn.

The main thing is to stay sober for yourself and for your children.

Hang in there and keep posting.

Hi Shawn -
welcome!

First things first, right?
You're seeking help, you're five days in ...
good for you!

6 days in, and the wife has agreed to at least meet at a neutral site and at least talk for a while. I'm not expecting anything out of it really, just to let her know the steps I am taking, and hopefully she will allow the time to for her heal before making a permanent decision

I wish you well Shawn, but try to have patience with your wife.

Let us know how things go.

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h2...verybanner.gif
Sorry to hear that, but you don't have to punish yourself for the rest of your life.

Well, 2 things happened over the weekend... I met with the wife for a couple of hours, and told her how i feel and what i was doing. Then I just let her talk and vent, and listened. I managed not to get emotional, just told her i understood her feelings and respected them. She agreed to some counseling, to see if there is anything left to salvage.

And I made it through the first weekend! It was tough, but I did it! 9 days running now...

welcome shawn. many of us have been there and worse. take it day by day. right now your focus needs to be on you. trust will be regained only by your actions and that takes time. it's good to keep open communication with your wife but you will hurt her worse by failing at sobriety so keep focused on sobriety.

way to go on your first week/weekend! keep on keeping on!

Shawn, first off, CONGRATS on your COURAGE!

I drank and used until 44, over 25 yrs.

My 20+ yr marriage was strained, and eventually lost.

I can relate.

Thru AA, and a sponsor, working the steps, and now learning to apply them in my life, I have grown tremendously. It;' STILL a process, NOT an event.

Yes, the hard part is sitting back, being tolerant, patient and showing how YOUR behavior is changing.

It takes time........and, most alcoholics I know, expect those around us to notice right away.

In my experience, it does to work that way.

If all I do is keep MY side of the street clean, I know I'm doing my part.

Stick around, and suggest you get a sponsor, take direction and be coachable immediately.

Tom

Well, today is the first day of marriage counseling...and the anxiety level is at an all time high. My first thought this morning was that I needed a drink badly..my thought right after that was "you idiot, your trying to make your life better for yourself and family, thats the last thing you need". And so I picked myself up and came to work, and will just have to go and see what today brings...Hopefully I can keep it up after the session...I'll be back on tonight I'm sure..

It's great that you recognize that there is a SECOND thought after that initial thought of booze. The second one is usually the one with some sense.

You've gotten some great advice here so I won't add much. I will emphasise though that keeping the focus on YOU is important. Don't worry about what your wife is doing or thinking. Just keep making YOUR life better and soon she'll be able to see it with her own eyes. And seeing is believing.

For me, this is exactly why a complete change of character is needed.

Once the alcohol is taken away, I'm the same person, w/o alcohol.

Immature, w/o coping skills, intolerant, and no patience.

Alcoholism, in my opinion, if left untreated, results in one course of action, drinking.

It's a mind powered disease, and needs to be treated, like cancer.

JMHO,

Tom

Welcome and congrats Shawn :)

Your getting some great advice here, particularly Tom's input.

Kevin

Tom,

I think you are right. I have found that I have had to make fundamental changes in the way that I think and interact with others. Sure, some of the way I acted was because of not being able to think straight when I was wasted, but some of them also seemed to be magnified by the alcohol. Maybe I am way off base here, but along with getting sober, I also had to do a total inventory of myself. I didn't like alot of the things I discovered, and it is not an easy thing to do. It had to be done, but I know I did nto like alot of the things I found.

Hope everybody is doing well,

Shawn

12 days! who woulda thought?

It's almost time to get off work, its payday, and the craving is really strong now. hope i can make it home without stopping. A sponser is busy and can't answer the fone, so I'm stuck with just my own will power, not a good idea...

Shawn,

You can get through this. Take a different way home tonight. You can hang around SR for awhile till your sponsor answers. We're here for you.

GO TO A MEETING.