Whew! Made it through it...just barely, but made it. The Wife called for small talk and kept my mind occupied. She called right as I was leaving, and when she got done, lo and behold I was pulling into the driveway. I thanked her for calling, went inside, shut the doors, and stayed my butt there all night. Today is the doctors appt. so maybe he will give me something to help with the cravings...That or I will just start living in the SR forums for awhile..can't get rid of me..

Shawn

You are doing so well......give yourself a pat on the back and remember it's never too late to change. When it's hard think of what would happen if you did pick up......I know what would happen to me!
Kudos to you.
indigo

you are doing the right thing--you are posting instead of picking up. read all you can about alcoholism: know your enemy and what you are up against.

hang in there. it seems to get easier.

you are worth it.

Krap
 

Well, made it 2 weeks, and no I've screwed it up... I fell into it again..I am drinking now. Wnet out to the Bro-in-Laws house this weekend, cause he invited me...and did not drink a thing. We shot his .22 rifle, hung out, had a pretty good time. His wife, and my wife's other sister were there, and we just had a pretty good time.

Got back and the wife found out I went there, and she got pissed. Said it was "odd" that i would go out there given our situation..Bro-in-law told her that he had known me for as long as he had known her, and her sister told her that I was always welcome there...and now she is giving me hell. And i fell for it, and got ticked, and started drinking again, 2 weeks shot to hell..
And if she finds out I drank again, that will probably be the end of it...she won't even answer the fone now, so i can tell my kids goodnite, gues i really did it this time..hell..

Dust yourself off and get back on track. You can do this!!
Joanne

i feel like such a complete failure..

Hi Shawn,

I'm sorry about what happened.

Learn from the experience and try to move on. Have a plan ready for the next time you're in a tough situation. Plan to call someone, plan to leave and go for a run, take the dog for a walk. Do something that helps you get through the moment. Each tough moment you get through makes you stronger.

Hang in there.

yea, but how can each tough moment you get through make you stonger, when you cant make it through 1? im begining to think she was right, im just an alcoholic, who cant even get sober for his family, and they are better off where they are now... away form me

You can't get sober for your family or for anyone else. It's something you have to do for yourself. It's hard, but you can do it. You're not alone. You get through the tough moments any way you can - distract yourself for a moment, do whatever it takes. The tough moments, though very intense, don't last long. And, that's what makes you stronger.

I can understand what your saying..and i know that I have to do it for myself, not for anybody else..but apparently i can't. I think i need inpatient treatment, but i cant afford it. And the wife just told me that she knew i wasn't serious about getting sober, even though i spent 2 weeks by myslef trying. She said she knew i was just playing, trying to get her back, and i wasn't, but she wouldn't believe me. She said she won't answer the fone anymore, not to call, and that she would make sure that the judge would award her full custody with only supervised visitation rights, thats a super way for kids to see their father. but its all my fault, cause i can't stop this ******* demon...whats the use?

shawn you are not a failure. but you do qualify to be in AA. there are many different levels of recovery. some need impatient rehab. some need out patient rehab. some need recovery houses...ive never relapsed so i dont have experience in that regard. but i went to detox, followed by 8 months in a recovery before moving out on my own. drastic problems are cause for drastic measures.

drastic problems are cause for drastic measures, i just wish i knew what in the hell to due, cause im jsut mixing another drink, and falling deeper and deeper into a big ******* hole, and can't stop myself. i spent 2 weeks trying my ass off, and couldn't do it. I just called my mom, and she told me she wa embarrassed. She is big in her church, but when she sees me, she basically hides me from everyone. She just told me that she was embarrassed by me, and not to tell anyone about my problem, because she knows too many people. told me to just get over it. im 36 years old, and i jsut called my mother because i had noone else to call, and got the brush off. i cant do it by myself, the wife is gone and wont talk to me, my own mother just told me to get over it. this is pointless, i might as well just go with it, cause nobody else in my life gives a ****

i think i am going to call the police, bcause i am afraid of what i might do to myslef right now....thanks for all your help guys, but i cant do it by myself...

ShawnOK,

I hope you read this. If you do, please let me know.

2 weeks without booze is 2 weeks without booze. You are not going to win instantly, and avoiding drinking is a new school skill, just like anything else.

Every minute you do not drink is a victory.

Alcoholic frriends would come over to my apartment scared for me. Heroin addicts shook their head when i showed up in rehab because they pitied how rough i looked. The liquor store salesman felt guilty.
Are you getting the picture?

Pat yourself on the back for what you have already accomplished, and try again.

Here is something important for you to remember. Everyone who starts out and becomes an alcoholic is a wonderful unique individual. When alcohol finishes with the them they are all the same--slack jawed, vacant eyed, bet wetting, idiots--if they are not dead.

Think it over even if you read this drunk. the end of the road has a lot of people, but no friends.

shawn your story is very common for AA. thats why we all turned to AA, because we were completely helpless and had nowhere else to turn. we were tornados destroying everything in our lives. the ones closest to us got hit the hardest. i came in half-dead, fresh off 3 heroin OD's in which i had turned blue, heart stopped, was pronounced dead only to be brought back to life by paramedics. all my friends had died already and the only one who could save somebody with zero will to live was God. ask him for help. get down on your kneess. admit to God you want his help and surrender your life. your life will change.

First off, I want to apologize for myself yesterday...I got angry and blew it. I appreciate the responses, They really helped. I think the wife was frustrated and scared, and i sure didn't help it out any. I will post more in a while, right now I have some children to apologize to.

Shawn
Day 1 again...

Shawn,
Congrats on day one again. I'm right there too. I screwed up badly for the past two days. Went on a binge, kept my husband and kids awake all night every night with loud music, shreeking and name calling at my husband. It was terrible and very scary. I still feel physically ill from the overuse of alcohol and my mental state is pretty much depressed. I'm scared of the road ahead of me. I'm praying to God to let me sleep tonight to at least recover my physical strength. Once my body has recovered from the insult, I will be praying to God to not let me slip back into drinking just because I feel "fine". It's such a vicious cycle. Good luck, partner!

Hey Shawn--I just read through your whole thread and I wanted to add my welcome. I am an alcoholic who through treatment, counseling, and the program of AA, has been able to accumulate almost 1000 days of sobriety. It wasn't easy, but if I did it, so can you. If you really think you need inpatient treatment, you can find a way to do it. Check out all your options--in my town we have a Phoenix House that provides inpatient treatment to men who can't afford it on their own. Perhaps there is something like that near you. For me, it was also EXTREMELY important that I spend as much time as humanly possible in the rooms of AA. For the first few months I went to as many as 2 to 3 meetings a day. I was unemployed at the time, but even with a job, I know I could have made it to at least one a day.

I'm thinking of you and praying for you--remember that there are no wounds that cannot be healed if you stay away from the booze.

Hope you stick around.....

Well, i jsut got off the fone with my wife.. She explained some of her thinking to me. she was scared and frustrated last night because of me. She didn't realize it was so hard for some people to break an addiction, because it was not hard for her. She had a cocaine addiction 15 years ago, and broke it with out treatment or anything. Just up and decided to stop (wish it was that easy for me!) She now understands that it is tougher for most people..and we both said things we had to apologize for.

I am heading to 2 AA meetings tomorrow, and get me back on track. I son't know whether we will fix this or not, but i know that i have to fix me first, before we can fix us. I hit a bump last night, but that will not stop me. I am getting sober, and staying that way!

Shawn
Day 1 again

Shawn,

Thanks for keeping us up to date.

It is Day 1 for everyone no matter how many days you go. At least that's how it is for me. Every day I wake, and it will be a year at the end of the month, I still want a drink--especially the weeke ends when "no one will know". Every night i go to sleep i miss a good buzz.

Only constant vigilance keeps me from drinking. the second I have an urge I ignore, subtrefuge, deny, and don't confront--I will do the same thing i did every day for 25 years.

I was physicaly addicted to alcohol. it made up a large portion of my calories to get me through the day. Without it I became very depressed and sick. It was beyond will power until i was actually off the juice. I could not willingly stop. That is how it was for me.

Anyone who can do it by will power has my envy. It does not make you a bad person if you can not.

Please post how you are doing.