Yay!!!! I'm proud of you!!!!!

I had a pretty good meeting last night. I slept a lot yesterday and I really needed it. I've been having sleep problems lately so I was glad to take what I could get.

I layed down around 1 AM and for some reason the committee in my head starts going off and the cravings start. I'm just like SHUT UP already.... :uzi2: So I got up and started reading the Big Book a little bit and came on here. I'm not giving in.... I'm fighting the little bugger. Sounds like the whole women's choir going on in my head, LOL.

I'm hanging in and enjoying the ride!! :banana:

:Val004: Good to hear it sweetie...! Its awful when your mind races like that,

But you walked thro it without HAVEING to use,....! .Fantastic, useing the tools that you have learnt to :a043: stop the cravings n chattering...!

Keep doing it Darlin cos you are winning...! :Val004:

Today was my 12th clean/sober day and it was pretty good. I think I might be starting to feel half-way human but I'm still not sure yet. My brain isn't working too well at the moment and I still kinda feel like crap.

I am having sleep problems so I'm exhausted throughout the day. I am dealing with the whole emotional/physical aspect of early recovery and for me that means dealing with depression and healing from the damage that I did to my body.

I am learning to be patient and to just trust the process. Before, if I wasn't feeling better when I wanted it, I just gave up and quit. But now, I know with all of my heart that even if things don't turn out exactly how I want them, then it is still a thousand times better than when I was using and drinking.

Still feeling rough these days but I also have serenity in knowing that I am proud of myself for my clean time and for what I'm doing in my life. I'm learning how to really live and that is the best gift that I can give to others and to myself. I haven't been selfish or self-centered and today, I can be useful to society and in finding my own dreams.

Staying clean and sober just one day at a time! :)

Cheryl,

I know you can do it. It's hard not to try and give you some tough love. I've seen you get stronger and then you fall again. We pick you back up. You dust yourself off a bit. You shine when you get stronger. You need to let that light shine longer. It's a challenge when you take away the false comfort of your DoC, and you're suddenly staring into a deep, dark hole in your soul.

Fill up that gap with friends and companions from meetings in your area. Avoid your uncle and others that prey on your weaknesses. They're bad news.

It's hard to face yourself sometimes, when you may feel like you've failed. I understand. I'm a failure. I have to remind myself to learn from it and move on. Not every situation can be win-win. Something has got to give--that something has to be the addiction.

There are times that I want to drink and drug really bad. I want it. But I don't need it. I need to stay sober so I can do the next right thing. Now, that's a challenge, because I usually screw that up too. I got fired from my recent job last week, and I found myself staring at the liquor aisle for 15 minutes.

I walked away. Empty handed. You can claim a victory over this madness too, Cheryl. I know you can.

Luv,
~Midas~

Cheryl!!!! I'm so proud of you on your 12 days clean and sober. Keep it up!!!! You can do it!

The difference in me today is that I have surrendered to the program instead of trying everything my way. I used to think I knew what was good for me and I tried desperately to get it to work. Turns out that there was a solution and I finally reached out and grabbed on with everything I had.

I was as desperate as only the dying could be. In that darkness, I found my honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. Until I got at that point, I had only been giving it half measures which availed me nothing. Today, I have a new life that is emerging from the ashes. That is in the form of a recovery program.

I'm also working with a substance abuse counselor on the stuff that has lead me to abuse drugs and alcohol. It is making a huge difference for me to open up and finally lay this stuff out on the table so that I can face it. I'm finally able to say that I'm not scared to look at my past, my mistakes, and my short-comings and have the courage to change what I can. It took way too long to get to that point and I caused myself and others pain before I reached it. But, I finally hit the point of which I needed to really be able to say that I'm ready. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I was at the end of the road with addiction. I surrended to win. If I start shining now, it is only because my recovery program, counseling, and my footwork is starting to pay off. I get a daily repreive from the insidious enemy of addiction and today, I'm grateful that I have completely given myself over to the solution.

:grouphug:

Great! Congrats on the sober time you have collected so far!! That 12 days will turn into 12 weeks, then before you know it, you'll have 12 months!

When I quit back in February of last year, I was at the end of the road with my addiction as well. But, it took me over a year to really realize how much of a problem it was and really be wanting to do something about it other than try to do it my way. It took me so long to, as you said, be able to surrender. That surrender really was what brought me to the program. I realized that every part of my life had been destroyed in some way. And that unless I really did something about it, nothing would ever happen. I'd be clean, yes...but only physically....not mind, body, and soul. And who knows when I would fall back into the whole of active addiction again. I came very close before I moved, as you know. And that really allowed me to be able to surrender and really start working through this the right way.

I'm proud to call you a friend Cheryl.

Day 21
 

Finishing up my 21st day being clean and sober. I noticed that fog has gotten a little bit lighter. Small improvements... nothing too drastic yet. I haven't gotten up and said "WOW, it all disappeared" yet. It's ok...I'm getting there. Slowly feeling better.

I've been working so hard on my recovery. People in my life have noticed the changes in me and have made several comments about the improvments. I'm told that I'm starting to look better and my whole outlook on life has become more positive.

Today, I did some work on remembering where I came from and I hope to never forget that. If I keep that firmly in my memory then I'm probably less likely to repeat it. I was told to write everything down about why I wanted recovery and what drugs/alcohol did to me... and to keep it where I could be reminded of it often. I'm taking that suggestion.

YAY Cheryl!!! We have so much to be grateful and thankful for! The fog will keep lifting until it is GONE!! I know exactly what you mean about people noticing the changes. Isn't it great? I like to be noticed for the positives instead of for being a beotch. or a drunk/high beotch at that. LOL

ANyways, I just wanted to give you a bug HUG(((((((cheryl))))) you are doing awesome!

Well done,the cocaine and drink binges followed by drink are too familiar.

Your story really touched me.

Day 22
 

So far so good for today. Woke up without a hangover and that is an amazing thing! Glad that I don't have to deal with that today. 22 days of freedom is really awesome. Feels good...... sure, I have had my bad days. But, you know what? I did not have to drink or stick drugs in my body. I found alternative ways of coping and dealing with problems.

I did not have the answers so I went and looked to others who had went before me and started following in their footsteps. I'm doing what they did to stay clean and sober and it is working! I still have the thoughts but even when I get those urges, I let them pass.

There is nothing worse that giving in then running out and having to face myself the next day. You know, the guilt, shame, being BROKE, BUSTED, AND DISGUSTED!?!?! Every single time, I always said, I wish I didn't do it. So I am just staying clean...saves me all the heartache, pain, and suffering!

Day 24
 

Woke up this morning feeling EXHAUSTED....... I slept last night and I still feel tired. I've already talked to my doctor about this. Sigh. I wonder when I'll get my energy back? I guess I have to try to be patient. I never really had any patience. I want everything yesteraday.

I've read that it takes about a year for all this stuff to go away. Well, I have noticed some slight improvements so I will just take what I can get for right now and focus on doing the right things. If I do the right things to stay sober today, who knows what my tomorrows are going to hold for me?

I was cranky all day too, hon. Here, have a hug!!
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