Thanks Briansy and Trudging. I suppose that is honestly what I'm looking for permission to do, I just feel bad about it.

I should add that I've been advocating HARD with his direct supervisor for HR and/or her to confront him about this. As both his coworker and friend, I think that would be the best thing for him. But it hasn't happened yet.

SBTS ~ your human resources department is flat-out wrong. They are legally and all sorts wrong.....someone is exhibiting symptoms of a known disease and putting themselves at harm during office hours, as well as compromising co-workers. There should be a social worker/counsellor in your building aside from HR? I forget what the position is called right this second.... :hug: s

An EAP Counsellor xxxx

(Not sure, but it sounds like you are a lawyer, so you can check my facts easily xx).

And I don't agree that you should stay out of it.... :hug: s xx
If we don't help each other, who will?

EDIT.....I understand HR doesn't want to get involved.....that is a difficult situation.
There should be a counsellor whose job it is to address these situations.
They will email and say we need to have a talk....something like that....all without confrontation or embarrassment. :hug: s

You're right Suze, and I totally agree they're wrong. I'm trying hard to convince his supervisor to push back. But work-wise, I can't go rogue and address it with him directly. As a friend socially... I could say to him, I think you're drinking too much, and leave the work context out of it. But that would require me being around him socially outside of work, which I honestly have been avoiding lately because of this. And it would also mean I wouldn't be able to mention the workday drinking, because of my position at work. I'd have to just base it on observing his social drinking.

It's a mess. I appreciate everyone's feedback.

OK.....I have an idea.....can you have a coffee with him? And rather than saying anything, you can ask.....are you alright? Maybe just that....I guess I would never tell anyone I thought they had a problem. But I would definitely ask them if everything was ok because I am worried that they don't seem like themselves....just open the door. And then maybe he will come to you. :hug: s

Maybe. xx

yeah, concentrate on yourself sbts, but drinking at work is just unacceptable. It puts everyone on the team on the spot. Very sad. It just goes to show how bad this addiction can be for some people.

I've been posting and reading at ton on SR lately, and the more I read and the more sober time I get, the more grateful I am to have been able to survive and maybe help other people along the way. Not to get all emotional or anything . . . .

That's not a bad idea Suze. I'm going to be away with my bf starting Friday night and I don't think I will get a chance to get together with him sans alcohol before that (if we have lunch during the workday, I know that he will drink two huge beers with lunch... and I really don't want to watch him do that.) BUT when I come back at the end of December, I can try to find a way to get together with him outside of work in a situation where he's less likely to drink. It's tough, because he drinks everywhere, including the movies which has always been our main social venue together. A coffee is a good suggestion, but I'd have to figure out how to make that happen not during work hours. He's always rushing off after work to pick up his child (more reasons why this is worrisome, :( )

Bottom line is if I want to do something about it I'll have to start actively trying to find a social venue where I can address this with him 1) without watching him drink and 2) without bringing up his work drinking. My sobriety is priority one, and I won't go behind my boss's back to talk to him about it at work, so that's really the only way I can do something about it.

thanks everyone for helping me think this through :)

SIXTY DAYS!!!!!!!!!! Love to all!!

congrats Joy!

D

Huge congrats, Joy!!! I am really happy for you.

Amazing. Stay vigilant! :)

Day 41
Husband was happy with just having lunch out and letting me drive. yay. He seemed pleased. Although he did say he wants to go out again this weekend when he has more time.
I will not drink today no matter what!

Way to go Joy!

Congrats Joy!! And Meshelly that's great.

Day 47 for me. All is well. Last night bf and I went out for sushi and to the movies to see Uncut Gems. I'm rushing to work this morning since I have to be on a call right at 9 am, but I'll check in more later :)

Hello, I'm staying sober today after three days drinking followed yesterday evening by a seizure. I have to be like Humpty Dumpty and put myself together again. I am the eggman. Before I had a certainty about stopping; this time I'm not sure about anything.
I need to be in the right frame of mind. If I couldn't keep it going last time when I was so sure then how will I manage now? Being strict isn't the answer. I'll have to think about it and come up with something else. Just flopping about for now.
Oh well. I haven't read any posts I'm afraid. I haven't done anything really. I've not got much energy today.
Best wishes.

Hey, Tap, I know the feeling and am not qualified to give advice but others will no doubt have some thoughts - how did the seizure happen? Did you say you were epileptic or was it withdrawal related? You didn't seem wasted yesterday...

If we could stop drinking just by making the decision, well, we wouldn't be on this site I guess. I know I couldn't. Resolve isn't enough. Deciding we are done with alcohol isn't as easy as deciding we are done with chocolate or bread or something else we have come to consider a luxury or treat or comfort. And gosh, all of those things are hard enough to leave behind if you need to.

Drinking and Epilepsy don't mix love. :hug: s

Needless to say I am pretty worried about you right now....I know you feel weird, but trust us....being sober is the right answer. With help....from all of us and with a program that works for you.

Sending healing love and huge hugs. And a cup of tea. :hug: xx ❤️

Draw a line in the Sand. Put the slip behind you. Get back up and keep moving forward.

I forgot to say CONGRATs dearest Joy!!!!! :) :) :) :hug: s ❤️❤️❤️
You too Briansy.....3 weeks today yes? :) :) :hug: s ❤️❤️❤️
And SBTS and Jimi.....I am half-asleep this morning. :) ❤️❤️❤️

Tap, I agree with Suze... it really helps to have a program. I don't mean AA or whatever, but some kind of plan. For example, mine is to post on SR a lot, lean on my bf for support, not go to events that make me feel uncomfortable (any kind of bar or happy hour thing centered around drinking is a no-go; the rest I feel out as I go), keep tasty nonalcoholic drinks around, be permissive with food and other comforts for right now, reward myself for sobriety milestones, and try to really practice self-care and not allow myself to get too stressed out... that whole HALT thing. I've also returned to the practice of daily journaling first thing in the morning, which really helps me manage my emotions and stressors. I'm not saying you need to do any of this but just giving examples of things you could do, if AA or whatever isn't your thing (it's not mine either.)

"Don't Drink" is an important start but not a complete plan. You need to figure out how you will get and stay in the right frame of mind.