Taxes SUCK! And these new laws suck. I am so glad my husband does them because Im not sure I could do it sober. My brain would explode! Good luck and reward yourself with something NON-alcoholic when you are done! Ice cream maybe?

Morning febfrees...

Plenty above I can relate to........
Day 15, starting week three here.

Have a good day y'all
later....

Well, I just returned from my facial (which was great!) and planned to come home to finish doing my taxes (my husband never does them now that he's retired). BUT....I am in a total funk. All I want to do is drink and smoke. I drove past our neighborhood "little store", but I didn't stop to buy anything. VERY close call.....I have not finished my friend's letter, either (although I don't have all the info for it yet as I thought I did).......Sooooo.....I am feeling unaccomplished and defeated. I know wine would only make it worse, and then I wouldn't get the taxes done tomorrow either! It's only about 1:30pm here, but I am too depressed to start now. I'm a morning person, so maybe I can finish taxes in the morning. My CPA appt. is on Tues. As for my friend's letter....it can wait a few days....I am going to text him. I am going to have some soup and try to feel better. I am also pissed cuz I'm doing all this stuff and my husband is just lying on the couch watching movies (ones that I do not like and that we have watched a million times already!)...UGH!!!

Welcome StartingOverNW :)

I smoked weed until it became as problematic as alcohol sis for me later - same escape drive, same obsessive need to be high/drunk. I think I was the problem, much more than the weed or alcohol.

congrats on 2 weeks Notme2pls :)

I've drunk on autopilot before too Foie Gras but it's a luxury none of us can really afford. I had to be vigilant - when every second of my life had been about drinking, I couldn't afford to take my eyes of the wheel for a second - at least not for a while.

I had to look at that glass of whatever it was as not something I'd probably be ok drinking, or no big deal - but as another nail in my coffin.

Overdone metaphor maybe but it kept me sober?

D

Morning Canguy! :grouphug:

Hang on Trudging! You can do this. Have you eaten something substantial today? That kills my AV immediately...especially something sweet.

Think how good you will feel in the morning after you stay sober!

Can you tell your husband you need help?

This is really powerful Dee!

FoieGras - Your time at the symphony sounds like it was very nice, and thanks about the intro - I'm trying to be more engaged :)

NotMe - It sounds difficult to have all of that come up. I think despite that stuff you shouldn't beat yourself up so much, as you are putting in the effort to make change in your life so you can stop doing that stuff, which is a very positive thing

Addy - Sorry to hear you're cranky today, and thank you for the welcome. :) I agree with Canuck - keep the streak going!

Dee - I agree 100% with your assesment that I am the problem, not the weed/alcohol. Therapy the last 2 years has really helped to open my eyes a lot in that area.

And oh yeah taxes bleh that's something I really need to get going on too lol.

WELCOME! We have a lot in common. I'm in my late forties and filled with middle-aged regret. Everything you say above in the quote applies to me. I also started drinking heavily after a breakup and feeling of losing "the one." I'm still dealing with a lot of self-blame, regret, and guilt. But the drinking only compounded my sense of hopelessness.

So, I'm glad you shared your story and I'm glad you're here. Keep posting.

Hey to everyone and welcome newbies.
i'll start with the bad news.. day 7 smoke free and I caved. Husband and friend drinking, absolutely awful craving sleepless night, talked myself into smoking.
good news... still day8 still alcohol free. A little worried now ive smoked that it will snowball and the cravings are so bad. But i am in bed abojt to write my nightly journal and im going to write dpwn a plan for how tp manage the next few days.
ive had a productive sunday which is rare as im normally hungover. Laundry and housework done, food prepped for tomorrow, ready for the week ahead. Depression slighty lifting.
trying not to think too much about the smoking, i will deal with it. Im never going to stop trying.

Thanks StartingOver. I think today is one of those days that I need to just “get through”. And if all I do today is not drink then it will be a good day.

It’s ok AK! You’re doing good! You didn’t drink and that’s all that really matters! If it comes down to drinking or smoking for me...I too will smoke. Cigarettes are better than alcohol. Hang in there!

Starting over, loved reading your intro. I want to do the same, its so interesting learning more about people and the path that led them here...

i am 36 and live in the UK. Ive been married for 5 years and have a 3yo son.
i had a traumatic childhood which would take me days to explain so i'll summarise..
dad was in prison for armed robbery when i was born,mum was just18. Both parents alcoholics and drug users. Mum had mental illness episodes throughout my life. Dad came and went. Grew up in and out of foster care, seperated from siblings. Sexually abused aged 5 by uncle, aged 12-14 by dad including serious physical abuse, he went to prison for it. Left foster care age 18 to live in a hostel, cut off from everyone, got a job. Met boyfriend at age 19, he was40 yo heavy drinker and gradually i started to drink nightly. Dysfunctional and violent relationship that lasted 7 years. Suffered serious depression and ill mental health throughout but held down jobs which was my sanctuary and purpose.
age 27 i met someone new and began an affair, left my bf and sofa surfed. New bf and i became drinking buddies, i was drinking daily at this point. I was aggressive and volatile. Several suicide attempts, many dark days, a tumor on my ovaries. Over the years we survived and became strong. My career took off, my aggression lessened,drinking became less frequent, we married. I had a serious mental lapse after wedding where i became agrophobic. Became pregnant after believing i was infertile. Stopped drinking and smoking immediately, got specialist mental health support, a diagnosis of ocd, became more stable and happier than ever. Had my son at the end of 2015 and was in a v good place. Had a drink a few months later at a wedding, then a few more times over the months. Gradually got to the point where i was binging badly 1-3 times a week, quit many times over the past 3years and only made it to 42 days the longest time. Thats pretty much my story in a nutshell... well that was cathartic!

part of me believes i cant change but i am immensely proud of who i am andwhat ive achieved in so many ways and i dont want to repeat the cycle that adults in my life did. I am so much better than this xx

Hang in there Listae. I also deal with a lot of shame, guilt, regret etc. We will forgive ourselves.

thanks addy... i shall deal with the smoking but my focus is absolutely staying alcohol free.
How are you doing with the double cravings?

Awkward Kitty, I’m proud of you after reading that!

Hi everyone! Hope you’re all good.

I was posting in the January thread but I thought I would pop my head in here. I’ve been doing really well sitting having my sparkling water on a night and tonight I let my guard down ..

I hummed and harred before pouring myself a glass of wine (my OH has a bottle in the fridge) I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t even really want it.. it sat on the table beside me for 15 minutes before I came to my sense and poured it back in the bottle. Phew that was close! It makes me realise I’m not as strong as I probably thought but jeez am I glad that moment of madness passed.

I’m doing ok. I only smoked when I drank which was like 1-2 times per week. (Bad binges) so the idea of just smoking doesn’t really sound good. The idea of not being able to numb with alcohol and THEN having smokes is what is hard! I am in such a b-tchy mood right now. I hate these early days. :headbange

Wow! That WAS close! Thank goodness you didn’t drink it. You will be so glad tomorrow. Good job!