Hi - will post later , but wanted to catch you before you are off to you "day from hell " -meeting, JT.

Lots of luck and strength . And especially for afterrwards ... stay strong.

Lovely posts from you and Quit.

Speak later .

((JT)) ::: good luck with your meeting today . I gather that it is an important one .
Stay strong and especially after the meeting.

Lovely posts from you and Quit this morning.

Speak later :grouphug:

Sorry about that double post.

Alice: one of your previous posts refers:

I remembered something JT posted recently and went looking for it. I think he nailed the question to your answer,

What a day it has been today and yesterday...I'm seriously thinking of looking for a new job, under paid and over worked I currently am, I actually threw some paperwork in the air today out of sheer frustration lol My head of dept, a surgeon, told me that I'm punching well above my pay grade and that I need to go back to my studies because I'm far too intelligent to be in this job. For a man I admire greatly and a very articulate and intelligent one at that, to tell me that, really makes me feel good about myself. It does make me giggle that a man of orthodox medicine is encouraging me to study natural medicine, I do think I need to listen though. Not drinking is a good start for me with this, I didn't feel like I was practising what I preach whilst drinking every night, not living a lifestyle of preventive measures for health insurance, one can not stay healthy by constantly pouring poison down their throat.

Ayers - This Naked Mind is a wonderful book and reminds me of why I don't have a television in my house, nor listen to the news on the radio or the ads. Brainwashing 100% It is all about changing the way we view alcohol, our perceptions and attachments we have, the lies we have beLIEved because we have grown up with it around us. I am starting to feel these changes within me about my perception of alcohol and my outlook on life without it.
In the book she says how alcohol strips away your ability to gain pleasure from normal activities because of the way it changes to brain chemistry. For me this is so true, when people have suggested doing activities that don't involve alcohol, my brain can't see how they would or could possibly be fun or enjoyable so I steer clear of these such things and actually miss out because my brain has always been wired to see alcohol as fun and fun is alcohol, of course we all know where that has ended. However I can feel that this is changing. There is a feeling inside of me that I haven't recognised before, I see a glimpse of feeling joy in a life without alcohol. As I move through these sober days I am gaining new references on things that before were done with alcohol and it seems that the alcohol didn't add to the enjoyment of the situation, that the situation itself is enjoyable. I am referring to activities such as meeting new people, cooking tea, listening to music, being outside on a sunny day, all of those everyday things that were once an excuse to drink and perceived as being more fulfilling or only enjoyable with a glass of wine in hand.
I can't wait to finish this book.

JT - Thx for looking out for me, you know I knew straight away when you relapsed in April, your morning post wasn't there. I don't think it's intrusive that you keep track of when someone posts, I think it's part of being close as a group and getting to know each others habits.
Stay close to us after your day from hell, you can still reward yourself but maybe do it with something healthy because that truly is a reward rather than dripping poison down your throat.

Barbs - I love the pic of your puppy, he/she is so adorable, what is the name? I wish you luck at the final wedding reception, maybe a plan would be a good idea, just so the AV doesn't have a back door to enter by. Just a thought.

Now even given what I've said above, I still have that AV knocking on the door quite hard, not on a daily basis but about these future events, it is trying to come up with all the different scenarios where I can slip in alcohol and why I should.. I have really had to force the thoughts away and create scenarios of not drinking within these upcoming events and make myself believe I can create an amazing experience without the booze. I need to make sure I drive to the 40th so that I don't drink.

Anyway I think it's time to lay down my weary head. I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday and I will see ya all on Thursday..

Kia Kaha.

Suze I hope you are well and the cocktail hour thing isn't too hard for you, thinking of you.

Quit4now - I do love you saying that sobriety is a gift, it is this outlook that we so dearly need to hold on to. I once worked with a lady that didn't drink and way back then I found it strange, I asked her why and she responded that she just loved being sober.

One thing I wanted to ask everyone was, what are the physical differences you notice now that you aren't drinking? I notice that the bags under my eyes arent half way down my face lol very thankful for that.

I'm so grateful to be part of this class. I love waking up and reading so many insightful posts.

Last night I had my first drinking dream ever. I suspect it was in part of my fear of drinking at my son's reception. I was also feeling a bit discouraged because my blood sugar was high last night after weeks of eliminating sugar and most carbs. Fortunately, it was back to normal this morning :)

My plan at the reception is to have a glass of soda water with lemon in my hand and I'm putting myself in charge of the picture booth. That way I will meet everyone there and have to have my head on straight to keep things organised in the photo album. I have already reminded my son that I can't drink. He sweetly reminded me that their are many other things available to drink other than alcohol :)

Suze, I hope all is well.

Again, thank you all for your posts. They are all so helpful.

Love and strength to all!

Good morning all. Day 35 here. Will get back later about Atkins, but it's been rough.

Barbs-In your earlier post, you sounded just like me. Whenever I had a "slip" this year, it wasn't really a slip. I had rationalized things out and gave myself permission to drink. So, the way I see it, it would be very important in your plan to not even waver a little in respect to giving yourself permission, or think it's just one last event, it'll be OK. If you go to Atlanta with confidence, you'll be fine. Just my opinion :)

Barbs, stress or infection can raise your blood sugar as much as carbs can. Hope it stays down.

I’m a bit behind, but enjoying the posts I’ve been reading. A lot of deep thinkers here. Hope that helps us stay sober. I think it should.

When I was drinking, I used to think that I functioned better at work. I was a better leader, I was witty and creative, I was more likable. In my earliest sober days, I missed that energy. However, I now find that I am more intellectual when sober, that the calming nature of sobriety allows me to be more productive and more accurate, and that I listen more than I preach. I like the more reflective me. My performance review will be interesting to me this year. How have the rest of you fared at work?

Hi All,

Just a quick check in. I completed 6 weeks of sobriety yesterday. Congrats to all of you who are still here. I have been reading your posts daily but still not posting much. I have a second interview for a job on Friday which I am looking forward to.

I will continue to read and post when I am ready. I think this group is amazing and it has bonded well. There is a stable core of people who keep it going and I thank you for that.

Have a great sober day!

Morning everyone.

Bekind exercise definitely helps with my chronic illness including depression. I’m glad you find it helps too. Staying motivated with depression is hard though. I think it’s one of those where, as much as you don’t feel like doing it, once you get going, it actually makes you feel a little better.

JT I hope your meetings go well.

Ayers and Red I’ve been wanting to read This Naked Mind and now hearing you guys talk about it I think I’m just gonna go for it!

Bob great job on 35 days!

David congrats! 6 weeks is amazing!

Day from hell (at work) is over. I came back home and flopped on the bed. My wife said I was snoring for an hour (how attractive) but it shows how much the days of worry leading up to these meetings had taken from me.

It would be easy to drink tonight if I was so minded but I am not.

A nice pint of Diet Coke - here I come.

I will reply to some of your great questions later I hope?

JT

So happy you made it through the stressful day JT.
ODAAT, hope you are getting through this anxious time.
I will repeat the call for those MIA.....it would be great to hear from you.

I feel completely out of the loop on the exercise discussions. I haven't found a way to fit it into my day. I have a long commute to work and am so exhausted in the evenings. Now middle aged, I would be mortified going to a gym (I am utterly unfit and about a stone overweight). My diet is fairly inconsistent.....sometimes healthy, mostly not!
I think exercise would really help my recovery so I am trying to build myself up to at least going walking.

Would love to hear about the eating plan Bob, when you get time.

The quality and consistency of my work is so much better when I am sober that it borders on embarrassing when I look back. My job has been so stressful of late and I honestly would not have been able to cope if I had still been drinking. What's more embarrassing is that those closest to me at work (who know I drink too much) have commented on it...

Bob - I have done the Atkins diet on a few occasions - and yes you can definitely lose weight. I also know more than I want to know about diabetes due to situations in my family. I'm not allowed to give medical advice but this isn't the way I would counter diabetes if I was in your position. It's also not the way I have gone about losing 18 pounds in seven weeks.

A lot of people know me in my gym. I have been in a variety of 'shapes' over the last few years depending on how much I am drinking. When I get out of shape I always feel far too self conscious to go back to the gym until I have lost half a stone or more from walking my faithful pooch for miles on end (two to three times a day) and watching my diet religiously. But you know what? Every time I end up going back to the gym nobody looks at me. Nobody actually cares. The place is NOT full of people that work out that don't look like they need to work out (lol). There are all shapes, sizes and ranges of fitness. Please reconsider joining a gym and investing in a PT like Mike. You will NEVER regret it - I promise you.

Face is a 'normal' colour. Eyes brighter. Tongue is pink and healthy (not a weird, opaque, milky, lumpy slab of flesh). Skin has a healthy glow and retains moisture. No shaking. Less anxiety and jumpiness. More even tempered. Laugh lines as opposed to frown lines are more prominent.

WHY THE HELL DO WE DRINK?????????????????

Suze....... Where are you....

Goodnight everyone - passing the torch to other parts of the world.

Keep it safe.

JT

Hi all,
Checking in now at end of day 29. Unfortunately I have not been able to keep up with the whole conversation . A few things I feel comfortable to throw in my ‘two cents’ related to recent topics:
- The Naked Mind - excellent both the book and podcasts - noted above the book is a little repetitive but this is just reinforcement of the key ideas ( tell audience what you are going to be telling them, tell them , remind them etc..) - the author identifies herself that this is the approach she uses. It appeals to me , in that the evidence base builds so that I have factual information that poisoning myself is extremely irrational and this gives me logical ammunition to fight any AV urges. Podcasts I like (great on short train journeys to work) – especially the ones where people that have given up alcohol talk through their experiences.
Gym and middle age. I am in my 40s and go to the gym. The gym is 95% full of people that are a long way from physical perfection – this certainly includes me!! – it’s not all people like you see in sportswear adverts (similarly to pubs are not all full of very attractive people laughing whimsically over craft beers and champagne flutes…). Everyone (well 99%) of people that go to my gym are far too self involved in their own workout to consider negative thoughts of others. If anything there is camaraderie and respect for people whatever stage they are out. A Personal Trainer is brilliant – if for no other reason than to have someone to introduce you to the basic moves and a friendly face to speak to when go to the gym working out alone. They can also work out a decent program that stops you standing around trying to work out what to do next and worrying about how to do an exercise!!
Keep well.

Time to try - awesome job on 4 weeks, Im at 28 today..
The repeditive angle is great for me, I tend to forget quickly what I read, I think that's the alcohol abuse, so reiterating works well. I will check out the podcasts also.

It is often hard to keep up with the conversation here as it can move fast and I always forget who said what which makes it hard to reply on a phone..

JT - another physical thing for me is that I don't see the crack in my tongue as prominent as when drinking, the crack relates to the intestines so this makes perfect sense.
Also has anyone found themselves getting itchy? I think this is a sign of liver and gallbladder detoxing..

Hi All, it was a traveling day for me so I'm a bit behind on reading.

Had dinner with my Dad and a friend. They both had wine. I almost ordered a cheese plate and then realized it came with a glass of sherry - nixed that idea. Kinda white-knuckled my way through dinner.

Passing the torch.

for me, posting here everyday reminded me that a decision to drink again is so much more than that for drinkers like me.

For a while it had to me a manual override kind of thing ' no drinking is not a good idea here...I can solve whatever my problem is this way instead', and then gradually it became second nature to me.

Theoretically I guess I could drink again if I made the decision to but I genuinely cannot think of any situation that would make lead me to choose so poorly in response.

D

Good Morning,

I suppose my first thoughts and concerns today is that there seems to be very few overnight updates? I hope that this isn’t a sign of trouble for some of our more regular contributors?

Of course regular updates shouldn’t be seen as an obligation or pressure but - as Red and I have commented - you start to spot a members posting pattern after a while and then anticipate or worry in equal measure.

Where are you Suze? I hope you’re just engrossed with your business trip away and that your absence isn’t a sign of any troubles?

As for me then I guess things are ok? I’ve had a few visits from the AV of late but I have batted them away. My main worry has been that the rationale I have used to win my argument with my addiction has simply been “not today” - but this worries me as the suggestion might be “perhaps tomorrow or maybe the weekend?” I really just want it to be forever.

I had the first day off from the gym yesterday in ages. I was due a treadmill run but I was just too tired. I will not miss my legs workout today no matter what.

The weight seems to be steadying at about 195-196 pounds which is an agonising 3-4 pounds short of where I want to be. I’ll keep on working at it though as this is the time where I normally give in and start thinking that I’m in a good and healthy enough shape to drink again.... perverse right? “You’re healthy now Tony so why not get smashed and ruin it all?” Urghhh.

So plenty of triggers about but I’m honestly feeling a lot better than I sound lol!

Anyhow..... have a great day everyone. I’m thinking of you all - presently posting or missing.

JT