@Palmer: I don't think you're lazy at all! I would imagine that your body is telling you that it needs some down time to recover from the adrenaline of the past few weeks. When you were in the hotel, you were under immense stress from an adverse and atypical situation, so you engaged the fight of your fight/flight/freeze response in your SNS. As a result, you were activated, mission driven and ultra focused on your goals and obligations to essentially survive and improve the situation. Now that you are settling a little, your body is finally able to relax a little, and make up for the period of heightened action! So don't be so hard on yourself :-)

Good morning ☀️

Palmer I agree with NewChapter. Listen to your body and give yourself some grace. You’ve been through a lot.

I’m off to get my hair done and then I have laundry to do. I’m living the dream!!😊

@Sunflower: Enjoy your hair appointment!

Hi all. Home again. Tired and going nonstop but without actually accomplishing anything. It's a common theme when I am home. I will try to check-in after the kid is in bed, but that is dependent on keeping my eyes open.

Hey gang! Pretty funny. Found my complete post sitting here in the reply window when I got on my iPad. OH well! In no particular order:

Hi Scotty!

Chase, how have the GI issues been? Improved, I hope. Sounds like you live pretty far out! Meetings would be tough. You are inspiring me to keep reading the Big Book!

Sunflower, second the wish to enjoy getting the haircut. Maybe laundry not so much but the haircut part was hopefully nice.

Palmer, NC and Sunflower and anyone else who told you to show yourself some love are totally right. I would also add that just from what I’ve read about you, you are a person of deep obligation. And when you are not forced to live up to these self imposed commitments because you are alone, then you act, well, kind of normal. Maybe you aren’t productive. I could be wrong but I think this is actually kind of healthy. Even when you are not dealing with a fire and displaced home you are a person of extremes I think. I think as a human you need the down time to counterbalance all the time you spend up.

NC, I loved the story of you helping your “normy” husband make it through without a drink. And frankly was a little jealous! I so wish my husband wanted to stop drinking even for a day. Anyhow, it is really inspirational that you were able to take the skills you’ve learned and impart them to another.

As for me I should be working but I am posting here and then hopefully getting a really early start to bed time. It as a big fun day at the water park. At first I was having a small freak out about all the booze and the fact that we had this private cabana where they would wait on you. We were right by the swim up bar. Etc. But, well, I didn’t drink and things got better. I was able to be thankful that I wasn’t worrying about when I could get back to the bar. Or trying to make my kids hang out quietly while I drank (though I kind of wished I were since they spent most of the day frolicking in the pool right by the swim up bar. My fantasy all along! :)). I also did have to ignore them some for work but I don’t feel shame because I’m working. I might feel bad but I don’t feel like I”m defective somehow because I am so preoccupied with a damn liquid. I was glad when it was really hot that I was not further dehydrating myself. I’m glad now that I”m sun tired and sun burned but not just drinking more once in the safety of my home and going to wake up feeling like I jumped off a moving train or anything.

And last but not least I still would have done this if I were drinking but I ended up going with my son on this insane swing thing that goes 100 or so feet up in the air and drops you in a free fall, followed by you swinging back and forth above the crowd. It was so terrifying and wonderful. LIke I said I would have done it in my drinking days but my stomach probably wouldn’t have felt so fine afterward. And I would have wondered in the back of my mind if I was doing it just to make up for the fact that I wasn’t very engaged otherwise because I was always kind of wanting my kids to be entertained so I could get on to partying. I mean, I still had fun with them but I also wanted to get rid of them so I could drink a lot. I’ve come to find I still want to get rid of them on a regular basis but at least I know it’s not for booze!

Glad to be back and able to post for a night. Hope you are all well. Forgive me for all the things I’m surely forgetting to ask about and say!

You guys are the best. I actually never thought about the "comedown factor" from adrenaline, that is such an important insight. Sometimes I think I'm inherently lazy, but I do tend to be responsible and fulfill my obligations, so maybe it's a nature vs. nurture thing? In any case, I appreciate being let off the hook to have some downtime without hating myself. ;)

Numblady, your comment about NC's husband (and yours) prompted me to think about my mom and her drinking. I know I've mentioned this before, but my mom always drank wine before, during, and after dinner, then passed out on the sofa and my brother and I would always try in vain to wake her up. Much later, when I was an adult, she had back surgery and the meds prevented her from drinking for the first time I could ever remember. We were laying on her bed, watching TV, and it was SO great to have here really there in the evening. I think of this from the perspective of my own kids, but now that I've been sober for a bit, I'm thinking about how it must feel to have a spouse who checks out every single night, just the loneliness and resentment would be hard (my dad is a heavy drinker too, but not to the extent my mom was...and he and I are a lot alike, so maybe he just hid it better). Of course, this should make me think about my husband too, and what he went through. :(

And NL, as far as kids, I expected to be hanging on their every word and becoming the supermom I was always meant to be, but I too am still happy when they are engaged in self-directed activities. ;)

Lots to do today, some work but also some fun house stuff mixed in! I'll be checking in and reading all day.

Good evening friends. Trying to get this typed slightly earlier than the normal pre bed time.

Newchapter, getting your husband to put the booze away and talk is incredible. I read a book in which the author asserted that because of the progressive nature of alcoholism, anyone who drinks is in fact an alcoholic. Some, like your husband, will never progress from the first stage, which is essentially normal drinking. Then, there are others like me. When I get on that train I can't get off. I didn't really believe in that theory at first, but it does make a certain amount of sense. After all, think about what alcohol actually is-an anesthetic, a cleaning solution, and above all- poison. Thank you for the kind words regarding the whole choosing gratitude thing. I have never thought of myself as inspirational, so your words were truly kind. I have to remind myself, daily, that it is a choice, and usually the hard choice. That being said, over the last couple of weeks I can feel a shift in my thinking and see a difference in my day to day life. This is probably a change worth pursuing.

Numblady, it sounds like the water park was a success. Reading your commentary on, what in the past, would have been a full on drinking outing was so interesting. How you can look at it and see how you had a wonderful time without drinking is fantastic.

Palmer, I'm with everyone else-give yourself a break. You were completely mission minded for the last several weeks, out of necessity. It probably feels strange, and even wrong, to have 3 minutes to yourself now. It might take a bit of time to adjust back to normal.

Numblady and Palmer, I too thought that as soon as I quit drinking I would be parent of the year. That is clearly not true, but I am sure that I am more willing and attentive. I take solace in the fact that I know I am available for my child's needs, any time day our night. That was not the case when I was drinking.

This is day 30/90. Had a good workout today and survived a trip to Costco. Yesterday I got to snuggle with my daughter when it was nap time. That is normally mommies job, but she was not home. My daughter fell asleep on me while we laid in her bed. I haven't stopped smiling since. She hasn't fallen asleep on me since she was very little. I might have to start sending mommy away more.

Hey gang! I wouldn’t say my husband checks out every night but he definitely drinks every single night. And checks out some nights. Or just gets kind of surly. Tonight it was especially maddening and I’m not sure why. Maybe it sneaks in after the day at the water park. I could hear my husband walking around with an old fashioned, the ice clinking with each step. He went all around and it was like the ice cube was rattling inside my brain— and then he came and sat down next to me. I literally jumped up and moved away which was super rude. I told him I was sorry. I just didn’t want to smell it tonight. Then we sat down to eat and he gets an empty wine glass and the bottle and was ready to just pour himself a giant glass right in front of me. I got up and kind of hid in the bathroom until it was poured. Don’t ask me why I find pouring hard to take than watching people actually drink but well I”m weird. The whole house smells like booze to me. Ick.

Kind of put me in a crappy mood. Of course then I think about someone at work who found out her daughter’s leukemia is probably back. For a third time. And well, some stinky booze in my vicinity doesn’t seem all that bad.

In the minor but good news department I paid the remaining balance on our summer vacation rental. For the first time with a checking account instead of a credit card. That feels like a milestone. I don’t think it’s really because of not drinking but I also know that has helped keep things more on track than otherwise.

I feel like there were other messages I wanted to telepathically write you all today but now I can’t remember anything. I think that’s a sign it’s time for bed!

Have a. Super night!

Good morning everyone.
NumbLady it does suck to have a husband who drinks all the time and a boozy smelling house. I get that. I think it’s amazing that you are able to remain sober through that!

Hi all. Cooking dinner and entertaining a house full of kids. Have to get to bed early, as I have to be up early. More travel this weekend until Monday. Had more naptime snuggles with my daughter. Not much else to report. Check-in tomorrow. Happy weekend, everyone.

Hi All,

Just a drive-by for me I’m afraid - looking forward to a proper read and catch up tomorrow.

Take care everyone!

Hi all, sorry to be another driver-by! I am completely exhausted, but in a good way because I feel like I was both productive and social today. Did some stuff for family, spent a crazy amount of time driving (as usual), and getting ready to continue reading an interesting book of short stories. I hope everyone had a great day! :)

Well we are all in sync! Driving by too. Was a nice night up until the end. Then it was pretty rough with my daughter because she was over-tired. Which regularly leads to my husband getting mad. Which he did tonight. And says derogatory things about our kids basically in ear shot of them. I seem to be in pity party mode but it just kind of makes me feel lonely. Having to worry not only about whether i’m doing right by the kids but how mad is he going to be and how do I calm everyone down. It just stinks sometimes. I mean, he could say the same thing I suppose. Just about us being on such different pages about parenting. So I guess it goes both ways.

I’m sure it will all be better in the light of day. Or it better be! It’s date night tomorrow and I’m just hoping it won’t be a repeat of the last time where he just got drunk and kind of boorish. We’re going to the same place.

Sorry for negativity. It’s just the feeling at the moment I had time to post. It will pass.

Seems like everyones busy - have a good weekend guys :)

D

Happy Saturday friends (or whatever day it is where you are).

Numblady, how do you deal with your husband's drinking? Do you have a specific plan on place or do you just take it on a day by day basis? Having to be around that makes all that you have accomplished, in regards to your sobriety, even more impressive. I hope your date night is drama free and wonderful.

This weekend I am in the Buffalo, N.Y. area before a long flight for a short stay on the west coast. I will have a colonoscopy in the middle of next week. The procedure is not welcome, but hopefully will provide some answers. The gi stuff has settled down for the past couple of weeks, but based on my previous history could flare up at any time. I will drop in tomorrow, and possibly again later today.

Hi buddies. More later. Just saying hi. Here’s my update: bike ride hard and not great. Date night good. Feeling better. Going to sleep so I can get up early and do some of the work I didn’t do today. Thinking of you all!!

Chase, happy Father's Day!!! I hope you have an awesome day with your wife and daughter. :)

Numblady, I'm glad to hear that date night went well and you're feeling better. Hopefully I didn't imply that I thought your husband "checked out" every night, I was just thinking about how lonely it can feel to live with a drinker as a sober person, and how much it means when you are finally fully present as a parent. I'm definitely finding that some of my repressed emotions are coming to the surface, after many years of drinking them down!

And another drive by for me also, I’m afraid! Apologies for my absence of engagement, I promise to catch up properly on everyone’s posts tomorrow.

Thinking of you all!

Count me in for a drive by. Had to work today and now must hop a flight to the west coast. Thank you Palmer. I will try to catch up with everyone soon.

I've had a couple of busy weeks but I'm back to normal this week.
Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads.

Hope everyones doing well :)

D