Barb, sometimes visualising AV as a nasty little critter sitting at your shoulder whispering nasties helps, you can visualise catching the wee critter by the neck, giving it a good shake and locking it away in a box. Remember, this too will pass... It truly does get quieter after the first year, at that point we are moving into long term sobriety and learning how to live sober rather than merely how to get and stay sober. There are different challenges ahead, which is why the Overs is a good place to visit. Some there have 7+ years, so much experience yet none take their recovery for granted.

Your sobriety is your most precious gift to yourself, treasure it, cherish it, protect it.

I haven't smoked pot in over 20 years, yet last night I had pot dream. So guess these drinking/smoking dreams will never competely go away? Yet I quit smoking cigarettes 17 years ago and I never dream about them.

Thanks toots. I will give that a try. I think, in part, some of this is due to the fact that I have had a lot of unexpected and emotional situations come up as well as vacation. Hopefully, once I get back into my regular routine things will settle down. Unfortunately, that won't happen for at least a month and then the holidays roll around...ugh

StDrag, I quit smoking cigarettes 25 years ago and still occasionally have the odd dream where I am really enjoying a smoke! Weird what the brain holds onto and throws back, huh?

Barb, do you have f2f help with your recovery? Otherwise stick close here, forward plan, use your tool kit. Being aware of the potential for vulnerability is a big step toward protecting yourself, keep your recovery front and centre at all times. And don't forget how strong you are and how far you have come and what you have already achieved. How is your son doing with his hand? X

toots, I'm pretty much winging this thing on my own. I changed my plans today from watching the football game at my neighbors to pretty much hanging out here. I didn't want to be around all the drinking today. I've been reading a lot of recovery stories. Hoping it helps me get my head back the game.

My son is doing remarkable well. He saw the hand surgeon last week for his 6 week follow-up. His surgeon was very impressed with his progress. He has an appointment with the prosthetic specialist on October 4th. He's not sure if he will get anything because even though he only has four little stubs on his left hand, he seems to be able to do just about everything (even type and he is doing his wood working again). He will be coming home for a visit in a few weeks :)

Barb your son's recovery sounds amazing! He clearly has an awesome attitude. I can almost hear him say "challenge accepted!" lol. I am very happy for you that he is coming for a visit :)

That is exactly his attitude Helen, fingers... who needs fingers, lol

How's it going with you Undies? X

Hey guys ~ sorry I haven't stopped by in a while.....just wanted to say hi! Gotta get ready for work, but I'll check back in later on to catch up :grouphug:

Things are going very well. I'm *finally* getting back to the gym. I'm at a point now where I feel it can become a regular thing again. When I first quit, I started getting alot of body pain, especially in the joints, my hips, knees and feet seemed the worse. All that has healed itself enough to give me hope. Plus I'm under 20 days to a full year of sobriety.

Thanks for all your posts...it's interesting to hear how the AV likes to spark back up around the one year mark. I'm nowhere near that since I've slipped here and there, but it's good to keep in mind. My AV is pretty active, but not for any immediate cravings ~ more of a "someday down the road, every once in a while is okay" kinda thing.....just throwing that out there! Thanks again everyone :grouphug:

Glad everyone is doing well.

My AV seems to have quieted down since I came down with a horrible cold. Hopefully, it will stay that way as I recover :)

Yeah Purpl, AV loves you to keep your options open....

The way I look at my drinking is that I wasn't in a healthy relationship with alcohol. I couldn't just have one or two. ( or if I had to because of circumstances or to prove I was capable, I was left feeling dissatisfied. The longer I drank, the more one sided the relationship became. Alcohol was the one in charge. It came between me and my other relationships, it controlled my every thought and deed. So I know, in the deepest parts of me that I can not have any further relationship with alcohol. I also know that alcohol wants nothing more than to have me back. So it will tell me what it thinks I want to hear to get me back; it will change, the relationship will be more equal, I'll be able to drink in moderation, I'll be one of the normal, happy people we see on adverts, sophisticatedly sipping spirits. Alcohol lies. I know that any future relationship I might have with alcohol would very quickly become one sided and undo all the positive aspects of my life that I have spent the last four and a half years developing. I would lose my pride, my self respect, my marriage and my ability to be in control of my existence. So when AV tried to tell me 'maybe one day' I told it to get to f¥€#!

StDrag, I took a while to ease back into exercise, I had to adapt to exercises I could do until I was overall stronger. Will have a chair ready for you in the Overs in 20 days! :)

Thanks Toots, I gonna need that chair! Like Purps, That's my battle too. A/V is still whispering 'Someday' in my ear. It usualy acompanies some sort of reminiscing or feelings of jelously. I'm able to shake it off but I'd really like it to go away.

Thanks so much Toots! You're so right! :tyou

Glad to see you, Dragon! 20 days to go! :scoregood

Toots I love your explanation. It really showcases that the relationship that we have with alcohol is a textbook example of an abusive relationship.

My av chatters away too, but I have gotten good at ignoring it or telling it to shut up. This is one of those occasions where my stubbornness comes in handy lol. Put a chair aside for me too, I'll be heading over soon! :D

SO proud of you guys! I've been thinking the same way.....how it's just like a breakup....the AV is like an ex calling to want to hook up....and at first you don't know how you're going to live without them; then down the road it's like "Why didn't I do this sooner?!? I'm so much better off without you!"

Very well written Toots, I couldn't agree more, thanks!

A close co-worker of 28 years got laid off today. We both worked and grew up in same department. I was asked to clean out his desk. Turns out he's a bit of a hoarder. Who knew. I have to go thru all his stuff in the morning with another person and catalogue all the personal items we are giving back.

StDrag, that must have been a difficult task for you.