Well... Ended up scheduling a call with my lawyer. I'm just going to let him deal with the debt issue.

I'm still planning on going the the SMART mtg. In fact, I told my fiance for even more accountability. She works late tonight, so I'll be home alone anyway.

I also expressed my goal of putting myself in a position to meet people, and that I think it would be nice for us to that together.

She agreed. As we talked about options, she even said that she didn't want it revolving around bars. Maybe dinner out. Mostly we're thinking of inviting people over. I like that idea. I suggested we start with our neighbors. I live in a townhouse kind of an apartment building with a neighbor on either side of me.

One side is a single lady. The other is a family of 4 with Mom that lives with them. I think it would be a great idea to all get together. If it was summer time, that would be a no brainer opportunity for a BBQ. I don't want to wait that long though.

My challange is to put myself in a social situation at least once a month. She liked the idea. Will be challenging with our schedule, but not impossible.

I strongly believe as long as I'm putting effort into improving myself in some way, I'll be happier. One thing for sure... When I stop doing that, bad things happen.

Sorry your company isn't doing well Inc. Are they heading down the road like Circuit City did?

Let us know how the SMART meeting went. I read some about them and it interests me.

I am glad your fiancé is helping to hold you accountable. It's good to have a partner whom understands what you need to make a go of living life on life's terms.

Good to see you OMD!

Yes OMD. Circuit city bound. Who knows... They might make it. I figure I have 1yr to look for an upgrade. Some online posts suggest they'll be out of money by November.

Thr meeting was cool. Small. Maybe 7 peeps. Casual. A lot less court ordered visitors. More middle class too.

They have a workbook that looks pretty good. I just ordered mine for $10. Money well spent. It's based on cognitive behavior therapy and rational recovery.

I checked one out and loved the topics. The whole program is based on self learning. The meetings are there to cover topics in depth or to discuss anything a member wants help with.

Some of them will do worksheets together as a group. Like listing and prioritizing everything that's important to you. Others are just talk.

They have online meetings as well. Half of those there today do online classes too. In fact, a couple of them were only online and decided to check out a 3D meeting to see what it's like.

I plan on going again. Most definitely will be checking out the online meetings. You can pick meetings based in North America, or supposedly one is based in Britain.

Some meetings are video chat, others text only. I'd like to explore video chat.

There was a couple guys there that I could relate too. My age. One of them is going through divorce. I'm hoping to see him next week.

Well done Inc for following through with the SMART meeting. Keep us posted.

Watching the snow fly after a 63 degree day yesterday. Bizarre weather here. I don't look forward to my long drive to work in less than idea conditions.

Have a great day all!

Yeppo SG. Same thing here. So far, we've been pretty lucky on the winter weather front. Knock on wood. Please ;)

It is pretty though. I still love snow. I find it very peaceful. Some of my fondest memories growing up involves snow.

When I was little, I used to deliver the morning paper at 5am. Snowy mornings were one of my faves. Especially in Maine where it snows feet at a time.

It was soo quiet and peaceful. The snow insulates sound. The only noise I'd hear would be my own footsteps. Same goes for visibility. It's as though the rest of the world didn't exist. Just me and the universe. I remember standing there to soak in the beauty and serenity.

I also skied growing up. Both cross country and downhill. They provided beautiful scenery, excitement, bonding, and serenity.

So true Inc! Our major storm only ended up dropping a few inches, but still the kids got off from school. The overall weather has changed a lot since I was a kid, no doubt due to global warming.

Have a great Friday all!

Spoke to lawyer about the debt. Not much I can do. I think I'll have to negotiate a payoff to avoid this rolling up to my brother. I owe $4800. Maybe they'll take $2400. Anyone have a spare $2k?

I'm not overly stressed about it. It is what it is. Feels great to see it that way. As a drunk, I would far more stressed.

Hey guys! Just getting up to speed here! Have a good weekend!

Hi everyone,
Hope you're all doing well. Inc, I don't know about your debt situation but if you have the right lawyer he should be able to help you pitch this right.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Best wishes
OMD

yeah regardless of hat else is going on have a good sober weekend guys :)
D

I'm certainly sorry to hear about your debt situation, Inc. Letting a lawyer take care of things sounds like the least stressful way of managing it.

It's Saturday night here, but for the second time in the last 3 weekends I seem to have come down with a bug. Pretty much just been sleeping on and off all day. I think my defences are low and when I relax on Friday the stress catches up with me.

I'm looking forward to the spring and some warm weather. Maybe that will lighten my mood as I'm feeling a bit negative right now.

Anyway, good to catch up with you guys!

Take care!

Sorry you are sick again Amp. It has been non stop illness in my house the past two weeks or so. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. This time of year has definitely become a slog. I had all of these projects and painting I wanted to do in my house over the winter and I just have not had the motivation to do anything more than necessary repairs. Sometimes I wish that I could catch that energy that I had in early sobriety and get things done. At least I am not beating myself up about it. I hope the Spring will rekindle my energy once again.

Inc, a lawyer is definitely the way to go. Hopefully, they can arrange terms that will work for you and get your debt off the balance sheet.

I have to work at 5:00am tomorrow and have to do a later in the night road trip to pick up one of my kids at a party. Guess I won't have to worry about getting too much sleep tonight.

Be good everyone!

I've read about quite a few people getting up to the 2 years sober mark to find that they are grappling with depression. The early enthusiasm and drive is beginning to ebb and the "is this all there really is?" stuff comes to the fore.

People say that sobriety is a lot more than not drinking or using. It's about becoming a strong independent individual who is comfortable in the environment that they have created for themselves. For me, it's not at all clear cut. Sometimes I am that person, motivated and relaxed with my own identity but other times I can feel overwhelmed and cut off from those around me.

I've learned enough to understand that I need to anchor those feelings of well-being and control when I experience them so that I can draw on them, for example, throughout a long rainy February while feeling unwell and disconnected. I need to trust that every low ebb is the replica of a future high ebb and that it is within my power to start trying to turn the tide.

I often think back to the day in April 2015 when I ran 10 miles along the beach, stopped and told myself no more. And there was no more. And one kind of madness stopped and all the sober stuff started!!! The difference is that the sober stuff can set me free while with alcohol I could only be a prisoner. I also know that the guy that took that decision that day has got guts and willpower and will see things through! All of us here made the same call 22 months ago and we're all still here today. That says a lot about the calibre of the people in this group and what we might be capable of if we set our minds to it.

Wishing you all well!

SG.
Ewe. Have fun with that. I'm doing inventory all week in a few stores. Early mornings for me as well. At least I can go to bed early.

Amp.
Wow brother. I love your views. It's taken me nearly 50years to completely trust the fact that I can change my outlook. All it takes is a little effort to get the ball rolling. We'll, with a little help from meds. Without them, I seem to fall into a deep and dark hole which seems impossible to climb out of.

Thanks D - sober weekend here. I have been reminiscing a bit but hey ho. Can't do that.

I am with everyone about winter. Sick, no sun, great. So I woke up this morning and said today is going to be my day. Let's not worry about tomorrow.

So I did plenty of exercise, including with the kids, ate some great food, and sorted out my week ahead.

So all things considered, it's all good. Guess what, tomorrow's going to be my day too.

And it's going to be yours too!]

OMD

Inspiring stories all!

Thought I'd share my SMART recovery experience with you guys. I got my workbook yesterday. Maybe there's some things that you'd appreciate.

The first exercise is to make a list of values. What's important to you?

After making a full list, group them into main categories and make a summarized list of 5 items.

When done, you'll see where your addiction fits in your values. Often times, it goes against everything that's important to you.

Personally, I think keeping this list close for frequent reference would be cool. As I examined my list, I recognized that I barely do anything to promote my values on a daily basis. Well, I guess a few for sure. I couldn't imagine living many days without promoting at least one of my values. But overall, many of my values are rather assumed. They simply exist.

Life would be 100% better if I actually put some effort in promoting my values on a daily basis.

Here's a list of you need help getting the ball rolling.

http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Other_Homework/values_clarification.htm

Sounds like a great approach IC :)

Had my anal probe today. Didn't feel anything wrong. Put me on antibiotics then scheduled another blood exam in 7wks to see if infection caused the high PSA result. They'll do a biopsy if nothing changes.

So far, so good.

Thanks Inc for the post. This is the kind of thing that we need. Thanks for taking the time to share.

Great news about your progress, too. Fingers crossed.

Had a tough day today. Nothing ultimately meaningful, just nonsense piled on top of nonsense. So it's all good!

Best wishes

OMD

Yep. Certainly good to see everyone chipping in and glad to hear that you are in the clear so far Inc!

I go through periods where I'm less active on SR. Right now I'm only participating in our group. For me this was where it all started and what kept me going so I guess I'll always come back here.

I sometimes miss when our group was busy and there were more of us, but that was right for that time. A different time with a different more pressing challenge. It's a long game now and the pace is different. It's just nice to know you guys are out there though... and hopefully you get what I'm talking about!!! I even confuse myself at times!!

See you tomorrow

Here's something I read on SMART forums. Not exactly sure what to do with it. Maybe pick one and turn it around?

I marked the ones where I have opportunity. I'm guessing I'll be reading a lot and attempting to do too much early on. I'm good for going all in then fizzling out :/

Mentally strong people have developed healthy habits (there's a surprise ).
They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviours in ways that set them up for progress in life (ABC - Helpful Thinking).
Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too might, over time, with practice, persistence and patience, CHOOSE TO become more mentally strong.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them (as a source of positive progress). Instead, they CHOOSE TO take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair (ULA for this one).

Yeah...That's me. But I have been making progress with it. I catch myself then turn it off many times

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad” (see tool "Boss Made Me Angry Today"). They understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond (ABC is the tool for that).

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt (Wow! Something to aim for, at least).

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives (REALLY helpful). They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude (maybe ALL TIMES - I can CHOOSE TO when I am aware).

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary (boundaries). They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

I do too much of this. For a while I was working on this, but it fell off my radar. It did feel good not to give a crap too. I treated it as though it's an honor for them to know me :) Accept me for who I am, or move out of my way!

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks.
Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action (CBA is tailor made for this one - not sure about "fully informed" - set sail in your recovery boat and you'll learn to sail it).

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different.
They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it.
However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days.
Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future (very helpful transition when possible).

This is my #1 issue. I have been making GREAT progress on this. When the past pops into mind, I acknowledge I already thought about this for hours on end and nothing but bad comes from it. Then I direct my attention to NOW by looking around. Normally I look for something I appreciate. Sometimes I'll just focus on my breath.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over
They accept responsibility for their behaviour and learn from their past mistakes.
As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over.
Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future (yes, please).

Um...yeah. That's me. Easier said than done though. Not sure how to fix it

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life (oh yes! More power to them! If they can, why can't I?).
They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them (for a prolonged period).
Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

It makes me sick to see successful people because I feel I could be one of them, but blew my opportunities

10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure
They don’t view failure as a reason to give up.
Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve (once I have recovered sufficiently to remount, and ride on).
They are willing to keep trying until they get it right (pretty handy recovery trait to develop).

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence.
They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive (hmmm, ABC those suckers, so they get frightened to be alone with you ).
They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
They don’t feel entitled to things in life.
They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something (we stand alone, together).
Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own point in the journey.

13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results (VERY handy recovery trait to have ).
Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability, at that moment, and understand that real change takes time.

This is me. I lose patience or interest fairly easily

Hello people

ex member checking back in. I felt comfortable in this class, the conversation was good. I'm back on SR, only 8 days in but optimistic. Got to nearly 70 days in 2016.....but job loss knocked me off for 6 months. But have climbed back on

So thought I'd look in here. You're doing very well. I'm encouraged.

All the best.

That's good news Inc. I'm no stranger to the "anal probe" as I get a colonoscopy every three years because colon cancer has wiped out a lot of my father's family over the years. It would be cool if it's only an infection. Fingers definitely crossed!

I had a similar type of day today. All good in the end though. It is days like today that sometimes brings up those nagging "moderation" thoughts. If I ever turn to drinking because of a bad day at work, I know that I am not having just one. I know that I will pound drinks until I'm stupid. Then I will hate myself in the morning. Thankfully, I can still play that tape forward!

I totally get it Amp. Even though I joined a few months behind you folks on April 2015, you guys are family to me and I feel I can say pretty much anything here and everyone will understand in a non judging way. We have formed a bond by joining forces together on this thread to slay the alcohol beast. Not many see that journey to a nearly two year run. I will continue to participate here as long as someone else at least occasionally walks by. Besides, our journey does not have a finite conclusion. It is a life long endeavor that we are on. It's good to have comrades!

Great to see you again canguy! I was following the April 2016 thread that you were a part of and was hoping to see you pop up again on SR.
Congrats on 8 days! You of all of us know how hard that first week is!

Great though provoking topics to dwell a bit upon Inc. I might poke a bit around the SMART forums here too.

Just passing by.
INC: well done on the tests. I had prostate, bowel tests recently. Take the bull by the horns, or Better the devil you know in my opinion.

Hey Canguy! Great to see you. I certainly missed you when you dropped off this thread. At the time you were saying that you found SR helpful but it didn't work so well for you in Australia because of the time zone stuff. Did you find some support mire local to you in the end?

Sorry to hear about your job situation. I hope you've worked something out?

Congratulations on getting through that first week and hope to see you round here from time to time!

Take care!