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I hope everyone has a great day! Congratulations Forester and Havetostop on 51 days. Huge! Day 19 for me. I'm hopeful. I'll be thinking of you guys today! |
Originally Posted by JL2014
(Post 6111179)
I'm glad were through another day together- and SOBER !! Today was rough. Hurt me. That being said, I got to talk to my birthday boy 18 today, about alcoholism in a way that never was possible in the past. I'm very humbled by that, today. He's back at his moms house area now for a birthday get together . Kids wife and I are home finally, winding down. Great job on the talk with your 18 year old. I can't imagine how difficult that is but it sounds like you're in a good place. How did he receive the "talk"? |
Originally Posted by ExDrinkingCub
(Post 6111261)
Hi all. Feeling okay today, day 34. I feel a little bewildered by the false expectations I set around sobriety. It was as if I expected to never drink and simultaneously have every piece of my life corrected, the instant gratification I always talk about wanting. As if one month of time would be the ticker tape. Close up this horrible chapter and start anew...new job, car, apartment, relationship, personality. These were all silly and false ideas. The only expectation of sobriety is to stay sober. Now sure I may feel healthier, somedays happier, somedays miserable but I have come to accept that any new opportunities I am awarded during sobriety I have to earn. I don't just get a participation trophy here. It's not as if bossman is going to say "oh ex you are sober now here is that big raise" and odds are I won't walk out on the street and find my life partner tomorrow. And yet I am oddly humbled and disappointed by this as if my AV wants something else to be addicted to, a job or a relationship. I have to remember to focus on my healing and my sobriety plan before anything else. I have to make myself my own priority and it's been years since I did that. And I'd rather not dig that deep to fix myself. I know what's lurking in the shadows. But I have to clean out my inner cobwebs and find myself and I hope you all can too. Good days and bad days all around today but know that we are all here as friends and we can do this together. But think of where you were 2 months ago. Have you made progress since then? You know you have. I think we have to look at this in "monthly" chunks rather than daily or weekly. Every day we're sober, our brains get a bit clearer and our bodies a bit healthier. You're doing great, Ex! And you're so right about all of us doing this together! Sober life has ups and downs, as did our drinking lives. Hopefully, we can better deal with the downs sober, but it will take time. |
Originally Posted by PennyLane76
(Post 6111831)
Hi Oswin, hang in there. Everything changes day by day, up and down. The roller coaster moods will smooth out eventually. Not sure what day I'm at.. but I pretty sure over or at 30!! |
Originally Posted by Forester
(Post 6112193)
Hi everyone, just checking in for the new week. Day 50 here... that's a record for me. Longest sober/straight period since I was a teenager. Wow. :c011: :dance6: :funjump: So, what have you noticed most about your sobriety? Where have you improved? Health? Emotions? Does it get better every day for you? |
Originally Posted by KarenOskie
(Post 6112546)
My sponsor did not go over the second step with me. We went over the first step and she gave me homework for the second step. I am having a hard time being patient! This is my life we're dealing with here. But, I know part of it is that I have to quit trying to keep myself sober. It never worked for me. So, I'm taking direction, up to a point. I am still working on my third step, but will do the second step homework, too. The second step is "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". I believe that is God, but I know God works through others, too, and so I'm having faith that plugging along like a turtle with a broken leg will keep me sober. Some of you may remember the assistant that was giving me so much trouble a few weeks ago. She quit today!!! Handed in her two week notice, very nicely. I was very sweet about it, told her I would miss her, but deep down my heart was singing, "Ding Dong, the witch is dead!!" Sweet dreams to all! LOL about your co-worker! Love the "Ding-Dong" !!!! |
Originally Posted by havetostopnow
(Post 6112672)
Forester, congrats on 50! I just finished day 51. I think Longest for me since I was teenager. I wish things were getting easier though. I'm sure things will get easier...you're clear headed and making progress every day! :c011: |
Originally Posted by Forester
(Post 6112689)
Congrats to you also htsn. Well done mate. Sorry you're finding it hard on an ongoing basis. I started seeing a counselor who has helped me immensely. I wish that on one of my 100's of earlier attempts I'd sought personal help, it has made all the difference. I also found a great therapist who was a shoot from the hip woman. I loved that. No beating around the bush. She helped me see what happened in my childhood, brought me to the point I was at. Therapy was essential to my healing. |
Originally Posted by KarenOskie
(Post 6112896)
I hope everyone has a great day! Congratulations Forester and Havetostop on 51 days. Huge! Day 19 for me. I'm hopeful. I'll be thinking of you guys today! :c011: |
My weekend didn't pan out as expected. No soccer games and a tornado kept me from attending the baptisms yesterday :-( AT&T sent out the 4th tech yesterday to try and fix my problem. The 3rd tech said my line is being interfered by some AM radio station, so they sent out the 4th guy (an outdoor only guy) to work his magic. So far so good, but it hasn't even been 24 hours. I'm still having crazy dreams...but then again, I've always had them, even in childhood. I had this recurring dream that a huge boat (anyone remember McHale's Navy?) with the cast of that show, driving down my street. Then I dreamt an army was practicing drills on my front lawn. Last night, I was getting my hair cut, but couldn't find the picture of the style I wanted. She had already started to cut my hair, but I wouldn't let her finish until I found the pic. So I was running around with this goofy hair cut...never did find the pic, LOL! My youngest grandson and his friends spent the night last night. They showed up at about 11, made a fire in the firepit and just had a nice time. I'm so glad I was sober and able to really enjoy their visit. Two of the boys are still here, sleeping (they call me Grandma Sue) but my grandson wanted to go home early so I just got back from dropping him off. They are the joy of my life! Tentative plans this weekend: Head out to my son's house Thursday evening to spend the night and have a fun day with my granddaughter's on Friday. Not sure what we'll do but I think a mani-pedi is in order! Maybe some putt-putt and of course, shopping! Off today. My washer died and they can't get anyone out here until Sept 7th so I'm going to was a couple loads at the laundromat and bring them home to dry. Working on the basement as well...still. First, the treadmill! This will be my 3rd day (I think...) in a row and I can't believe how much better I feel during the day after getting my 2 miles in. I'd like to up the mileage, but I have a habit of trying to go too fast, so I'm going to keep it at 2 miles for a couple of weeks and then go for 2.25. Hope everyone has a sober, safe, and peaceful Monday! Like Ex said, together we can do this! :grouphug: |
Originally Posted by Forester
(Post 6112193)
Hi everyone, just checking in for the new week. Day 50 here... that's a record for me. Longest sober/straight period since I was a teenager. Wow. |
Not doing well. I am on day 5 of a bender and can't wait for it to just STOP. I even called in sick today. I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't. I know the anxiety of my trip to Vegas for my brothers wedding this weekend is stirring up a lot of this. I don't do well with the pressure of having to look good and be with family (all self induced pressure of course.) It is my nature to self sabotage before an event like this and that's exactly what I am doing. Instead of eating clean, staying sober and working out I have been binge eating, drinking and being nothing but a lazy lump on a log. All I wanted was to have several months of sobriety for this wedding. I still haven't forgiven myself for getting wasted at his high school graduation and that was 15 years ago. Anyway. I don't feel right posting when I am active in my addictions. That's why I have kept silent. But I am thinking of all of you and proud of each and every one of you. I know one day I will be sober for life. I do know that. I just don't know when 'cause I really thought THIS was it. I really, really did... |
Sunflowerlife :hug: |
Day 37 here. Best wishes everyone. :) |
It doesn't have to be the end of it SFL. This bender you can turn into a lapse rather than letting it become a relapse. Get back on the horse before it gets away! Don't worry about your high school graduation either. Hell, at least you made it to graduation. Celebrate what you achieve rather than ruminating on your under-achievements. I dropped out and was doing heroin and speed rather than studying. I accept that, it's just my past and live now for today. So see... you actually did alright. Everything is ok. |
Congratulations on milestones and time sober !!! SFL congratulations on POSTING. Crank up a day 1 , and get back on the horse ! We love you ! :) |
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
(Post 6113327)
Not doing well. I am on day 5 of a bender and can't wait for it to just STOP. I even called in sick today. I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't. I know the anxiety of my trip to Vegas for my brothers wedding this weekend is stirring up a lot of this. I don't do well with the pressure of having to look good and be with family (all self induced pressure of course.) It is my nature to self sabotage before an event like this and that's exactly what I am doing. Instead of eating clean, staying sober and working out I have been binge eating, drinking and being nothing but a lazy lump on a log. All I wanted was to have several months of sobriety for this wedding. I still haven't forgiven myself for getting wasted at his high school graduation and that was 15 years ago. Anyway. I don't feel right posting when I am active in my addictions. That's why I have kept silent. But I am thinking of all of you and proud of each and every one of you. I know one day I will be sober for life. I do know that. I just don't know when 'cause I really thought THIS was it. I really, really did... |
Not doing well. I am on day 5 of a bender and can't wait for it to just STOP. don't worry about posting here when drinking - that's what we're here for :) You don't have to ride this out til the end tho - when you get too sick to continue or whatever...You really can declare that it ends here. Get rid of what alcohol you have. Don't buy anymore. Use the heck out of whatever support you have be it SR or whatever. Stop now and you can be in reasonable shape for your bro's wedding. I remember nothing of my brother's wedding...but people have told me many embarrassing details. It doesn't have to be this way. This needn't be another bad memory. |
Big hugs to you Sunflower! I'm glad you posted. I can't wait to see you getting back into staying sober. We're all here for you! I had a very hard day. I wish I had become a librarian. Or something like that, a quiet atmosphere with very little stress. Why are there so many mean people in the world? I went to a good meeting, though. It helped. It was about not letting other people define us. Just what I needed to hear. |
Sunflower, I attended a bunch of AA, did outpatient programs, and did SR relapsing, binging, or cutting back to twice a week. I was learning. Maybe I should have dove into AA 100%, a long time ago, and let somebody else tell me what to do. I definitely didn't know what the heck I was doing. But it was all experience. Now I have a large toolbox to draw from. I'm also a lot more chilled out, because of those things and a bunch of therapy. I don't want to get cocky and sound like I have any clue what I'm doing. It's a process. Don't stop trying. All you can do is keep getting on the horse, and that's it. Also, never be ashamed. You have nothing to feel guilty about. That just compounds everything anyway. You're a good person. |
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