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One Year and Under Club Part 46 |
Thanks for the new thread, Dee! |
Hang in there petals! The important thing is that you were sober. I am still doing well with my recovery. I'm still having cravings- one really bad a couple of days ago where I almost caved in and bought a bottle of wine. I made it through and didn't get it and stayed sober. I am so glad now and feel good this morning. Have a good day everyone! |
Since none of you dudes yelled "shotgun", I'm going to do it :lmao Shotgun! |
HI guys hope everyone has had or is having a good day |
New Undies! Yay! |
90 DAYS!!! I made it. I confess I'm posting that I made it to 90 so someone will tell me good job because I'm really not feeling proud of myself or like I did something good. I posted already in my month graduation group saying that I barely slid into 90 days sober because I was *this* close to drinking last night. It's pretty scary to me how I told myself okay it's fine to drink. I bargained and told myself if I was asked one more time if I wanted a drink I would accept it. It's pure luck that I wasn't asked. Not feeling so proud of myself for that ... regardless of how I got here I did manage to make it to 90 days even if I feel like I mentally gave up yesterday yet still lucked out and didn't drink. |
Congrats on 90 60andbeyond! :a122: :nyc :nyc :nyc |
60, congrats! Almost drinking is NOT the same as drinking! Enjoy the day for what it is. |
90 days is great. I've been beating myself up over near misses as well. Not sure it's very productive. Just be happy you stayed sober and do what you can to learn from what triggered the craving. Keep it up! |
60 congrats on the 90 days! That's great!! Womp kicked my butt. We've been down one other main person for weeks now due to some personal issues so I'm having to work twice as hard. Feeling both mentally and psychically exhausted. Tomorrow already looks crazy busy so hoping I can keep up. Off to sleep |
BeFree, is it possible to get someone in even just to cover some admin or desk work to free up someone else to help you out? Look after yourself lass, remember HALT. as for you 60AB CONGRATULATIONS ON HITTING 90!!! don't dis your achievement. Don't you realise that AV pick milestones as an opportunity to try to weaken you with what sound like sane arguments. Of course you will have felt temptation, it is what addiction is all about. But guess what YOU. DIDN'T. DRINK. In my book that is a victory, and one definitely worth celebrating and feeling proud about!! Wolfie Tooting Popular Front! yay! WWS great going on managing your cravings, make plans for the next time so you have the tools handy. I sometimes have to remind folk that if stopping drinking was easy, if beating our addiction was a doddle, there would be no addiction. We addicts also seem to suffer from that rare combination of fragile ego and self loathing that appears to refuse to allow us to acknowledge victory and sometimes sees criticism in the most innocent of phrases. Combined this leads us to tend to isolate and try to fight alone. What I am seeing here is a group of people walking the road together, daring to allow themselves to be vulnerable and trusting those around them to give support. And those around are supporting. Take it from one who knows, allowing people in, allowing honesty in, fills the gaps left by letting go alcohol. It is far more fulfilling and rewarding. So please let yourselves accept praise for a job well done. In the first year, going to bed sober is an achievement. Going to bed sober after a wrangle with AV is a a victory. |
Wise words Toots. Makes a lot of sense. Thank you! |
Toots, my dear, wonderful post! |
That is so true, Toots. 60, your achievement is all the more commendable because it was so hard-fought. By hook or by crook, you won the day! You should be congratulated! Each time you withstand serious tests, you become stronger and better equipped to withstand future tests. And the longer you go, the tests get fewer and less serious. |
Good job Sixty on 90 days! Like Saskia said almost drinking is not the same as drinking. I've had a few near misses myself and I feel better that I did not cave in and take that first drink. This is certainly not easy! Great post toots! Thanks I needed that. |
Hi Undies, 60AB, congrats on the milestone achievement. I think it is understandable that you were not feeling that good about the amazing job you are doing. If you are anything like me, alcoholism made it easy for me to beat myself up. In some ways I think I wanted the bad so that I could use some good old poor me, pour me another logic. For me, learning to like myself was hard work at the beginning. My friends in AA would say to keep coming back and that they would love me till I was ready to love myself. The folks right here were doing the same thing...showing me the love every day. In time I came to kinda like the guy in this sober skin. I was full of ego and pride in the early days...but I had plenty of fear and resentment too. Working a recovery program has helped me to overcome much these past almost 2 years. However, from my vantage point, this journey is so infant. I found a peace and joy in recovery that had eluded me all my life. I was texting with a recovery friend last night about this and I am sure I still don't know how to describe it. Funny thing, I thought I was happy and living a good life. With only minor consequences I stopped drinking for nearly 12 years at 35 years old. My career took off, my ex and I were living the American dream; we were partners in every way. Material things came along for the ride. My two girls were dreams to raise. Yet, that whole time preceding that initial relapse I was never really happy in my heart. I was never satisfied with what was...always chasing what could be. I know I am filled with passion and for some reason always have been, yet that passion was so misdirected. It was me, me, then me based. Following that initial relapse I spent a decade in a downward spiral. Achieving sober times in excess of a year a couple times...yet, alcohol had me in a cage, drinking or not. It owned me...my soul...my passion...my flight wings. Its progressive nature wanted me dead, or worse, living a life in misery. Somehow on 6/3/2013 I began to realize there was a way out. I wanted a way out so badly but just had no idea what to do. For me now, that way out included daily AA meetings for all but 17 days in the first 10 months, a daily dose of SR, individual therapy, meditation, a seeking of the finer things to offer my heart and soul. It would have continued with mtgs at a similar pace but I lost my driving privileges for 6 months. Haha, my best teacher...assmosis, by far. I know so little about total recovery from the deadly disease. Last night I was at a mtg talking about life on life's terms. Powerful, sad, happy, raw, rife with pure emotion. Like minded's seeking a path to peace and serenity/joyous, happy and free leaning hard on each other. I was overcome with gratitude for this new life that I am carving out while driving home. Lots of newer faces, so please let me reiterate...I am by no stretch an AA zealot, Big Book thumper. I believe there are many paths to freedom from this living nightmare of alcoholism. However, again, for me, I do believe that recovery, not sobriety, requires a three pronged approach. Physically not drinking, emotional growth and a spiritual guide. My spiritual guide is a higher power that kinda sorta looks like a Buddha - I think?? But "it" turned "I" into a "we" even when I am alone with my thoughts...and as a we, beating this monster got a little bit easier. Let's enjoy this gift of sobriety we have offered ourselves today, deal? Carlos I'm by no means cured |
Carlos, yes! That's a deal :-). Beautiful post. |
Deal! Thanks Carlos. |
Have a nice evening everyone |
Good morning. Will try to catch up with you all. X |
Great post Carlos thanks. Went out with a friend tonight and had some fun. 11 months sober today. I am in shock and not sure what to feel except I do know I am extremely grateful for SR and everyone on this thread. I started this journey for the first few months not really going out and spent tons of weekends at home and after getting out of my comfort zone I have been going to some meetings and have 2 great sober friends that I have tons of fun with. Really seeing the benefits of sobriety that so many people on SR have talked about and so glad I never gave in when the AV was trying to knock me down. There of corse are many things to still improve on and learn but I am grateful and happy for the direction my life is headed. Better try and get some sleep before wompland hits in 7.5 hrs!! |
That was a wonderful post, Carlos. Thank you! |
Awesome post Carlos. It is glad to know I'm not alone and we are all in this together. I feel good this morning and have tomorrow and the next day off. I will be ready when that AV hits this weekend and be ready to deal with any monster craving like the one that hit me last week. I've come too far now to cave in now! |
Good Morning Undies, BF, I had planned a trip to the gym this afternoon but your news of turning 11 months today may have me rethinking that plan? You see, after reading that I began a series of cartwheels and back flips :). On a slightly more serious note, I am very happy for you and far beyond the not drinking or using, the new life in recovery/sobriety that you have been creating. Simply put, :bling: WWD, yes, the we of recovery has been a wonderful resource for me, as well as a comfort! Glad that you are doing so well....agreed, no turning back, at least for today! 60, how was 91 and what's shakin for 92? Yesterday was such a great day. I heard from an old and trusted Undie friend that she is doing better following an illness. It brought joy and gratitude to my heart. She turned a year soon after I joined this site and I was soooo disappointed that she might move on. Her posts were so heartwarming, powerful and humble. Anyway, she did carry on with Undies and I learned much from Tanja. While returning from a trip down south I had the pleasure to attend an AA meeting with her. It was beyond cool because she received her 18 month sober chip at that meeting. Look up the word sweetness in a dictionary and you will see her picture :). Sending positive vibes and prayers to her today in hopes that she continues to get better and healthier. I am feeling pretty good these days. On 4/1 I began a new relationship with food and committed to a "Whole 30"...30 days of eating healthy, nutritious, organic foods. Not a diet because I eat 3 meals a day and simply do not care about calories. It was on the advice of a recovery friend that I do this. She promised tiger blood if I did :). I did the 30 days of April and took 2 days off, then started another of which I am on day 18. At a Dr's visit after 41 days I had lost 10% of my body weight and my bp went from slightly elevated to 116-62. Dr was amazed. I had reviewed it with him the day before I started. All the staff came in to quiz me on Whole 30 on the follow up visit. However, the other significant change has been that after 15 years of terrible insomnia and the anxiety that accompanied it, I simply lay my head down and fall asleep in 5 minutes...no meds. That is nothing short of a miracle. If it isn't organically grown, walk or swim without the aid of steroids-etc, it is out. Easy to shop since 90% of a grocery store is off limits. Time to put this tiger blood I am feeling to a different use....enjoy the day, Undies. Hey, hey, no drinkin or druggin today, okay? Carlos PS - Met man, how is it going? Babs and SJ, how are you guys doing? Thinking about you two :)! |
Carlos, how wonderful to hear that Tanja is doing better! I so miss her kindness and warmth. I believe we were on my original thread together (I've been on several so it's hard to keep straight). I started with May 2012. If you see/talk to Tanja, please give her my very best and a very big (((hug)))! My slip led to a couple more afterwards and yesterday I met with my therapist. My PTSD symptoms had been triggered and that is what led to the slips. This may always be the case and so I need to both work on not getting triggered *and* dealing with it faster to avoid slips. I am happy that this was a very brief episode. They have put me on a med to block cravings, at least temporarily. It has some major downsides but is still better than drinking. I'm looking for a compatible group - whether AA, SMART or a lower-level IOP with a DBT group. So I am feeling optimistic that we have nipped this quickly. It made me realize that this will always be a risky situation and is what led me to drinking in the first place. I'm relieved to have a good resource nearby plus SR at my fingertips! |
SASS: :c014: Definitely, Carlos: tell Tanja hi! Congratulations, BFree, on your big 11 months! |
Carlos, things are good. Been getting into a really good workout regimen and finally eating healthy and shedding that stubborn 20 pounds I need to lose to get to my target. |
Mets, happy to hear that - you are sounding so positive :-) |
Sass glad you reached out for help and saw your therapist. Hope you find a program that works out well for you! Carlos tell Tanja I said hi! She was always so supportive to all the undies on this thread. Looking forward to my womp free day tomorrow. I have an early appointment to get new tires for my car and then hopefully some much needed down time to just relax! |
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