I don't know that I belong in this group anymore. I don't want to bring anyone down. It's 5 a.m. and I've been awake for two hours because I can't sleep. I went out to dinner with my husband last night. I really struggled ahead of time thinking about having a drink with dinner. Then I thought, what if I only drink when I go out. We go out every two or three weeks. (I think I've got a handle on not drinking at home since I poured that last bottle out.) Well, after one margarita, came another, and another. Now I can't sleep. I'm disappointed, confused, and disgusted. I'm disappointed that I didn't stick with my commitment to myself. I'm confused as to why I'm not sticking with it. Generally, I am happy with my life - good marriage, great kids, I like my job, I am usually successful at what I start out to do. And, I'm disgusted with myself for messing up again. I went 14 days this month, and then 10 days. I'm not sure what I need to do different. Maybe not go out until I'm further along. I don't want to be this pathetic.[/QUOTE]

Firefly You belong here more than ever. I choose to call that alcoholic voice in my head "The Dragon." If I would not put the Dragon to rest, I would be right there with you. You too can have peace. I would like to share the "Dragon Parable." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6haX7K55TKo Perhaps you will see the Dragon as Drunkenness as I do. And just how destructive the drunkenness can be. How the dragon is deceiving in satisfaction. The dragon can hold us in bondage and how we effect the lives of others. I have fallen many times over. The Dragon had me in a death grip with his talons. Never, ever give up! If not for the forgiveness of my wife, the many good people here and God. I may not have made it to Day 21 this time around. There is a surprising Grace in "The Kings" Glory.

I would think the same as you. I'll only have a bottle of wine on a Friday night. That theory was only planting seed. Next thing I know, I would be out playing a round of Golf - I played the entire round sober. Thinking I was worthy, I picked up after, one drink led to another and wouldn't you know it. 14 hours later, I would come crawling through my home's door. Going through the exact same thing you are now. You need to put some tools in your bag, the Sobriety starts with you and nobody else. Once you decide that, there are many others just like you that are willing to help. God's grace is sufficient! I hope and pray you find peace Firefly

Good Morning Saturday and day 12. Bring it on, I am ready for you. Stay strong fellow classmates. We will not drink today.

Happy Saturday, class! Last night was my first sober Friday in years! The cravings are pretty rough, but I managed to get through, get back home, rent a movie, and snuggle on the couch with my fiancé, my two dogs, and my three cats! And I feel so good today, I have to pinch myself to remind myself it's actually Saturday! Normally, I'm still asleep and weaning a hangover, but this morning I'm about to go on a wonderful morning run outside! God is good!

great going GGB :)

D

InControl's advice is awesome. That's good stuff, and I will use that tonight as I have to go to a long time friend's bachelorette party. But I have already told them that I will be the DD tonight. I agree, cauliflower, that it will make you accountable if you volunteered to take that role.

I think a lot of us, will meet used to drink, don't think about the consequences. We only think about the beginning, getting that first taste of alcohol. But we don't entertain the idea that we're going to be making fools of ourselves, or injuring someone else, or injuring ourselves. We just think about that first drink. There's there's so much danger in that first drink.

Good luck to you, I know you can do it!

Sometimes I wish I could make society understand how hard we struggle. Normies don't have to muster strength to fight alcohol's demons. Instead we are judged as weaklings for having this disorder.

We need to turn our weaknesses into our strengths Tang. More than not, those people who judge us are to afraid to be themselves. Those people who judge us as being weak do not define us. Hang in there Tang and stay Sober. In my eyes you are Tang Strong for revealing your struggles. Peace...

I am sure there are many "Normies" who wish they had the ability, as you have Tang, to recognize that alcohol is an issue and do something about it. Hang in there. You are as normal as anyone else.

We just think about that first drink. There's there's so much danger in that first drink.

Good luck to you, I know you can do it![/QUOTE]

I know I can do it! I woke up this morning feeling fantastic, I did an early morning meditation and then downloaded the sober recovery app. Taking you with me on my adventures today. We are heading out to meet up with family this afternoon. I was in a frenzy yesterday because my husband's cousin from out of town, whom we are visiting this afternoon, was always my fellow party girl. We had some pretty crazy drunken nights. I am looking forward to seeing her, I haven't seen her in ages. It will be interesting to not use her as an excuse to get wasted. I am not going to take that first drink, ever. I may even find myself admitting to everyone on my husband's side of the family that I have a problem. Mortifying, but I have to do what I have to do to stay sober today, tonight, forever. Day 4 for me today!

Yeppo. Reminds me of those bullies when we were kids. They only way they felt worthwhile was to put somebody else down. Or those kids who were popular and felt that the only way to be popular was to make others not so popular.

Know what? They're older now and many of them haven't changed their ways. Screw em. That's not how I wanna be. If somebody where to tell me that they've been shooting crack in their butt and stealing money to support the habit, I wouldn't judge. I'd want to help in any way I could.

And truth be told...those who judge are WEAKER than we are. That's the Gods honest truth. I feel sorry for them.

I find it humorous that there's moments I want to celebrate my sobriety with a drink. Just how stupid is my dragon? Duh!!

8 Things To Give Up: 1.) Ignoring your intuition. 2.) Allowing negative people to much time & influence. 3.) Allowing negative thoughts to much time & influence. 4.) Sugar and chemical-laden foods. 5.) Overthinking - which leads to over worrying. 6.) Saying yes, when your feeling a "no." 7.) Over complaining - which leads to under appreciating. 8.) Fear of failure - which leads to fear of trying. - Karen Salmanshon. Wow! Do I ever have issues with #'s 3, 4, 5 and 7. Anybody feeling this?

Have a nice sober saturday guys

Hi all, just checking in.

Welcome to the newcomers and my thoughts and best wishes to those not having it easy.

I am very happy to report that today has been a sober day despite walking past many bars with people sitting outside drinking. It made me think a little then, but now back home I am very happy with how this day has gone. I even went for a run this morning and got a haircut :)

Enjoy the rest of the day,

OMD

Agreed! I continue to have the same feeling! I told my dragon what is an oxymoron :)

OMD

Nice list.
I have issues with:
#1: I'm slowly learning that I'm not reasoning with myself. I'm reasoning with my dragon. I'm giving it a podium and a full opportunity to argue it's points. Why? What's right is right.

#3: Negative thoughts too much time. I think it's ok to acknowledge negative thoughts, but they need to be followed by positive ones. But the more I allow negative thoughts to fester, the further the reach for positive thoughts. It's tricky. Can't just suppress everything either.

#4: So true. The chemicals in processed foods becomes part of our body. They effect how we feel, and effect how our brain works thus how we think. I love sugary processed foods. But I love the feeling that eating nourishing foods even better. It's tough because there's the immediate satisfaction and there's the delayed satisfaction of eating good food.

#5: My worst issue. Paralysis by Analysis. Think long, think wrong.

#6: Yep. That's me. Takes effort.

#8: I hate failing more that I like trying.

Thanks for the list!!

Thanks Dee74, jazzfish, and Goose1 for your posts and encouraging words. I didn't want to leave this group, because I really want to fight for my sobriety. Coming here posting, reading everyone's posts, and following links is helping. If I leave, I'll just give up. Who knew it would be so hard? It's humbling, but I appreciate your support.

Day 1. I will not drink. I will post if I get the urge. I will be checking back in all day to read posts here. I will plan ahead to avoid pitfalls. I will put myself first in what I need to do to stay healthy. I will reread the AVRT post. I will put my stubbornness to good use.

Goose1, I watched the dragon video a couple of times. It's a great video and reminds me not to condemn myself. I bookmarked it. Thanks for the link.

Good deal Firefly. Super glad you're part of our class.
You're quit just for today, maybe just for the hour, or just for the minute. There's always later. Now is now and you're choosing to OWN it!! We need you as much as you need us.

:ring

Your welcome Incontrol.

My worst is also #5. I am a worry raton! I worry much about what other people are going to think about me. To the point of extreme anxiety. I will say its worse when I would drink. As much as I would worry; most of the time what I would worry about would never come up or it was little to do about nothing. Yes - way too many negative thoughts in my life. I'm really trying to change my way of thinking. You know the booze really brings on many negative thoughts.

#1 and the Dragon is much to do with temptation. When that dragon tries to sneak in. We must call out "Dragon Be Gone, I am in God and he is in me." When I do this, I soon find the temptation is gone. Dang no good Dragon.

With #8 I feel it's OK to fail our way to Success.

I have been doing a lot of juicing lately. A lot of fruits and greens. I have been feeling better and with more energy.

Happy you found the list useful. Peace...