Thanks for the bday wishes Undies.

It's my first bday in years where I'm not wine soaked. I am so grateful to be free of the obsession to get trashed and be able to remember all the nice details about the day. :)

thanks for the comments and encouragement you guys, hope you have a safe and sober day today....and well wishes to every body

v

Just realised that,even though I'm not sure that I'm supposed to be counting rr, but it is 4 months for me.... hopefully that will give me extra strength tonight when I go out. Xx

Congrats on 4 months petals :)

D

Good morning guys

When I first logged on and saw 3 pages of posts since yesterday I wondered what had happened!

Oh BeFree my heart aches to hold you close sweetheart, know that I do, in my thoughts. Truly sharing that sober time with your friend will strengthen your resolve to do right by his memory and continue to live your life, the way he was unfortunately unable to.
We don't all have the strength it takes to escape the tightly bound clutch of addiction, and those are lives that are never lived to their potential. It is such a loss to family, to friends and to society that we never get the opportunity to see the greatness in someone in thrall to addiction. Be strong little one, and stay close to those in recovery. I know your friends AV wanted to drag you down, but I also know that in his heart, your friends truest feelings of love cheered your sobriety. Celebrate your Five months in his honour.
As to the funeral, I have lost more than my share of friends to alcohol, I pay my respects at the service then leave. I have no need or desire to share tales of drunken exploits. You honour your friend best by continuing to live the life he couldn't.

Glee, I found 40 a liberating birthday, everyone around me teased me about 'The Big 40' but to me, I felt I was growing into my skin, becoming more the person I wanted to be. I am happy to hear about your sons report. It doesn't matter how much we believe we are not allowing alcohol to interfere with our relationships, fact is alcohol is selfish, it wants us for ourselves, so even when we are present in body, we are frequently absent in mind and spirit. We can only be truly present for those we love, when we are truly sober.

Petal, please don't take this wrongly because I truly do not intend it as a personal attack, looking back at our past mistakes is self absorbed. It doesn't achieve anything because either we learn from our mistakes as we make them and move forward, or continue to make them and continue going in circles, so looking back achieves nothing other than to make the onward journey difficult to walk. Our eyes are at the front for a reason, to see the road ahead, not the road behind.

Vandermast, stay close by, you have plenty of tools in your kit, plenty of sober time under your belt and obviously the desire to sober up or you wouldn't be here.

LS what are you looking to do differently this time to maintain your sobriety,now you know your body is is good health? How are the plans going to get your own place? Have you considered a house share?

Carlos, I remember how excited you and Tanya were to share her 18 month success, I know she will be sharing yours, even as she struggles with her health issues.

Sparky, you do indeed sound a little more settled these days, I am happy you are here sharing your recovery road with us all.

Choosing, good to see you are remaining focussed on your prize, and remembering what matters on a daily basis.

Sass, caliChis, it's wonderful to see your support of each other through your shared experiences as you walk the road of recovery hand in hand.

Drake, I am so happy you are pushing yourself to f2f meetings and enjoying the benefits of them. I also prefer the term SAS to SAD. Who wouldn't prefer getting SASsy every year! I have been looking at the cost of light boxes on a website named for a rather large South American river, and the portable ones have a great review and are not prohibitively expensive. Might be worth a try. It certainly won't hurt. Also is it worth checking with your psych doc whether there are any suppliments you can take in conjunction with your meds? I know certain vitamins are lacking if we don't have the right diet.

Carlos, you are sounding more content with how your life is going at the moment? I do hope so, you work so hard at ensuring your recovery this time will last.

I did mean to comment on something I was reading a few days back, in regards to 'taking drink off the table' and 'not drinking today' the discussion was as if they were opposing and mutually exclusive ways of managing recovery, and I fel that is an error. The fact is no one who succeeds at recovery plans to ever drink again, some get strength from renewing their vow on a daily basis, and ensuring that for that day they will not drink. Others find relief in not considering alcohol as an option in life. But we each make a daily choice not to drink, and we all intend for alcohol to have no part in our future. Only those who consider a potential future that has alcohol in are those who leave themselves open to fail. There is no right or wrong in recovery, there is only that which works for us. For me, I have taken drink off the table, yet also make a daily commitment which strengthens my resolve.

To all Clean Undies saggy, baggy or stylishly fashionable, I wish you a sober day.

BoozeFree, you're in my thoughts. Sorry for your loss. The best thing you can do for your friend is stay sober, good work on shutting down the thoughts of drinking, you're showing courage. Be well my friend.

Glee, happy Birthday :)

Vandermast the important thing is that you're working on staying sober. Don't focus on the past and anything that's happened at this point, it's never too late to pick it back up and just keep moving forward. What are you going to do to maintain sobriety, do you have a plan of action?

petals I don't think that the 'no counting' thing is a hard and fast rule in RR, if you feel like counting helps you then I don't think there's any harm in it. 4 Months is great! Keep it up!

Toots thank you for asking :) As expected the clean bill of health caused a bit of AV activity

"We have years of drinking left before we get ill"
"We obviously have the stamina for alcohol"
"Wow we must be invincible, the amount we put away and we're fine?!"

Yeah yeah yeah nice try AV. Fact of the matter is all that's happened is I have had a very lucky escape. It's taken about 18 months to get my cholesterol down and liver functioning properly. It could easily have gone another way. In fact, in many ways there is no 'Getting away with it" I've had very dangerous withdrawals, been very, very ill in the past due to drinking, emotional, social, professional and psychological damage. Pain and suffering accross the board. And the AV wants me to believe that because my liver functioning is now 'normal' that it 'must not have been as bad as we thought!!" no, it was hell. True hell on earth. Go away AV.

I have been focused on finding a new job, there's a full-time permanent position back in the area that I left two years ago. I would be closer to some very good friends and in a nice area, so I have been working on that application and if all goes well I could be moving on early 2015.

A few differences that have given me a lot of peace and hope recently, and I mention them here not to push it onto anyone else but merely as a suggestion, anything that has reduced my anxiety must be very effective because it's a chronic problem with me

1. Meditation (Specifically mindfulness) gives me incredible peace when I am practising it, but also gives me the tools I need to reduce anxiety and stress in every day life and
2. Rational Recovery has placed the power in my hands to end my substance abuse forever. Using these tools I can confidently say that this is it. It's over. Do you hear that AV? It's over, you're finished.

I hope all are very well out there,
It seems many are going through trying times.

Peace and strength always
LS

Congratulations, Petals! :)

LS, it sounds like you're on solid ground. I hope you get that job!

Petals, congrats on 4 months!

LS, you sound great! Good luck with the job.

Toots, I love your posts. You are one of the most genuine and supportive people I know. You brighten my day! Great explanation of the long-term Vs day-to-day paradigm. I feel both strongly but have struggled a bit to reconcile them. You, as usual, find a very good way to put it into words.

BF, how are you doing?

Drake, how is mood?

I've used light therapy for years. Currently I use a "light visor" that's not outrageously expensive. If anyone is interested, I can PM you the brand. It's a 1/2 hour every morning first thing. I can walk around - carefully because it does reduce vision a bit in dim light. It has eliminated the need for me to add a second antidepressant from August through April or May.

Congrats on 4 Months Petals! :c011:

:nyc :nyc :nyc

Petals congrats on 4 months.

LS hope the job you're talking about works out. You sound great.

Sas yesterday was tough. Off to womp today though.

It's strange dealing with so many emotions after numbing for so long. If it wasn't for the solid 5 months sober I currently have I'm sure I'd be wasted right now. Going back to womp today. I had texts coming from my old drinking group yesterday all asking what happened ect and shared with them how I'm sober and they seemed glad to hear that. I have no interest to get together and hang out with any of them. I havnt gotten any details on a memorial service yet but I don't plan on staying too long whenever it is.

Thank you all for the continued support. Glad to have all of you undies here.
Off to womp!

Sas: my shrink is trying buspirone, something I had not heard of before. Too high dose of Wellbutrin makes my tinnitus worse, and it is already annoying enough. Every other anti-anxiety makes me a zombie. If there is a negative side effect to a drug, I will have it.

I noticed Costco has a "happy light" for a reasonable price when I was there picking up my latest script, so I will get one. Was in a hurry and the check out lines were insane so I skipped doing so.

My overall mood seems better, and certainly lack of booze helps. Last night at a choir rehearsal for example. There is a fellow in the choir who annoys me. He is nice, enthusiastic and has a fine voice with an incredible range, but is awfully loud and too "cocky". The director was assigning parts for a piece and asked me and he as well to sing the tenor 1 part. He leaned over and said "don't worry, I will sing in your ear to help". I looked up, smiled and said "I can read music, and don't need help, thanks". Some may think I was rude, but in the past I would have thought "oh... he must know I am horrible therefore I must be horrible and I should just quit and go home.. if I say something he will hate me...."

Don't want to be an a** but I won't let him or anyone walk all over me.

And that's the truth pffffffffffffffffffffft ~ Edith Anne.

Hi Undies,

Petals, congrats on you achievement! Four months and counting, a big deal!

LS, may your recovery good fortune follow you to the job market!

BF, how are you feeling today, sweetie? Congrats on that 5 month milestone. I've found that the strength and resolve in my recovery grows its most during the challenging, "old trigger" times. Beat them back, and the day to day feels stronger too. Again, my best to you and my sympathy for your good friends family and friends.

Hey 19, pretty cool waking up UN-hungover, huh? You know me, I need more than the CNN Headline show, or the Faux news crazyville take (yuk). Give me the Daily Show like details....as if we were besties :).

As for the variety of recovery methods discussed and displayed on this thread...THANKS. Yes, personally I love reading about all things that have been working, or, the individual pitfalls others have experienced.

My personal recovery is fluid. It has evolved quite a bit from the outset this time around. For sure it is a hybrid, weighted in AA and the 12 steps. That may be one of the reasons that I feel better about where I've been, great about where I am, and hopeful about where I'm going.

I hope that any comment about any program that I make is taken in the way that it was intended. Fact is, I will not comment, good or bad about any program if I have not experienced it myself. Zero judgement, only my own unique experience, strength and hope is the basis for my scope.

With an open mind I read about any and all current and previous methods of success, or, lack therein...from all of you. Yes, let's keep this train rolling without prejudice. The latest example for me was reading in detail about LifeRing which Chris mentioned a few days ago. Interesting approach, the biggest downside for me is its lack of exposure where I live. Again, for me, I love and need the F2F encounters...and, as importantly, friendships. I've emailed the person in WV about their wed night mtg (the only relatively close location) and hope to hear back from them and maybe attend a mtg some day soon.

I'll continue to offer only my experience, strength and hope against this terrible monster...take what you want (or may like) and just leave the rest on a shelf in the event you may need it down the road. Some oldtimer said that vs leaving the rest behind. I so get that now, because, how I feel about recovery will continue to evolve, and, some stuff I put on the shelf early on play a few role in my today recovery program.

Back to wompland. Haha, case in point, I craved wompland not long ago, now I have all of it I can handle...and more...SOOO alkie of me :)

Enjoy the day, Undies!!

Carlos

PS, Hey there SJ :)

Oops, missed some posts on a crosspost. BF, glad for your solid attitude. Sask, you always offer great suggestions and encouragement. Drake, I like your approach! Tata, again

Hello...slowly been making my way back here. Just because I am not posting certainly doesn't mean I am not reading everyones' posts. I think I will be here quite a bit more...
Jim

Good, Jim! It's always good to see you! :)

Hey Jim... good to see you!

hey soberjim :)

how is everything with you? :)

D

BF, I am so sorry to read about your former friend. This is so sad, yet a true reminder of what can happen.

Glee, belated Happy Birthday! We are both Scorpions!

Congratulations to those celebrating milestones and warm thoughts to those struggling.

I have had a few really busy days so have not had a chance to read all the posts and comment until today.

Take care and stay sober,

Monica ( aka ScooterBoo)

Soberjim glad to see you back posting here! How have you been?

Drake I think you handled the situation great!

Womp went pretty good today. I think it helped keep me distracted about my friend. And I kept thinking today how grateful I am to be sober thru his death. Seems like just in these past 5 months I've grown so much thru this sober journey with the promotion at work and handling the stress of hosp bills after busting my shoulder and now with the death of my friend. His mom text me this evening asking me to stop by and visit with her Sunday. She is also a pretty big drinker so I'm planning on going over earlier in the day before she's too drunk.

Tomorrow night after womp I have to go to my aunts for a thanksgiving dinner since she doesn't have her sons on thanksgiving day. My mom, step dad, sister and her bf, grandpa and step bro and sis will all be there which equals a lot of drunk people to have to deal with. And my grandpa isn't the friendliest of people to put it nicely. I'm hoping to use womp as an excuse to show up right when dinner should be served and bail shortly after.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.