It's the story of my life. I work on myself a lot, life goes well, I'm on my way to achieving my goals.....and then I self destruct and turn the whole thing upside down by creating a huge, unnecessary problem. I've got used to getting back up. But I really want to overcome this. It's an absolutely rediculous pattern.

I've started reading a book called 'the slight edge', you know it? I think in a way it explains exactly what I'm doing wrong. It says most people do certain things (daily habits) and over the long run all these daily habits accumalate (compound interest) and brings them success or failure. However a lot of people that then obtain 'success' (be it financial, health relationships, sobriety, career), then stop doing their daily habits that got them there in the first place....and suddenly they start to slide down towards failure...

I'm letting my guard down when I get to a certain level of 'success'....I'm accepting that first drink when previously avoiding (and doing other positive things) was what got me back up to a high level in the first place..

I need to take care of my daily habits over the long haul! Especially when things are going well....'mastering the mundane' he calls it. simple habits that are easy to do...but they are also easy not to do.

Nice message AM. I can truly relate!

I think we are very similar with our mindsets.

A book that still resonates with me is "7 habits of highly successful people". That particular book opened my eyes and helped me become successful even with a monkey on my back.

I'm going to look for that book and read it. I'm not much of a reader and I rarely take up a suggestion to read a particular book.

Let's master the mundane! This surely applies to the whole class!

Thanks for you early contribution.

Bless, and Stay Strong Septemberites..........

yeah, it's the Maiden alright.....I used to listen to the Maiden many moons ago when I was a long distance runner. Unbelievable beat you just glide along on, and those long guitar solos and Dickinson's screams!

I put that song on yesterday when I was on death's door, to try get some energy back in my soul. Hearing Maiden provokes a desire to run, deep inside me, like Pavlov's dogs!

...unfortunately there was no running, but it did provoke a desire to end this madness and get back running and to a healthy lifestyle. Then I found my self here...

..'and the wedding guest's a sad and wiser man'

checking in late in the morning of day 4. finally got some sleep. my insides are still killing me though and I feel like lead. I look forward to waking up feeling fresher as the days go on. I binged, got sick with strep, and then binged again while on antibiotics, so I expect to feel bad for a bit. hard to stay positive when your body is yelling at you as a constant reminder. but there's nowhere to go from here but up. hope everyone has a great day!

Hey, guys. I appreciate your thanks. I love belonging to this group and I have the luxury of time to respond in great detail because I have no job, no kids, and no significant other. It might sound depressing, but I feel incredibly lucky to have this brief opportunity to get past the hard part and start living a normal life. I've been drinking for so long that I don't even know what that would feel like. Talking to you guys is a big help...you inspire me and make me feel less isolated.

Audioaddict, rockstonic, fifth, AncientMariner (very cool names). Welcome!

thisibelieve. Glad you're back. What tripped you up on the weekend?

deanyya. Here's an article that might help to explain why you feel down.
Withdrawal | DOPAMINE DIALOGUE
I've also had my moments over the past two weeks (whee - two weeks now). Ha ha - I just came up with a really funny way to explain this. Your brain has no brain of its own. It regulates things automatically, and if there are too many 'happy chemicals' being introduced from an outside source, your brain ramps down the production. Your brain does not have a little brain to tell it: "Hey. D has stopped drinking. She's going to need more happy chemicals." No, it just keeps waiting for you to come up with the goods because that's what it's used to. In time, it will 'notice', but that takes time. In other words...this is completely normal.

ANewDayNYC. Excellent suggestion re: walking. I did make it to 30 days once upon a time, and daily walking was absolutely essential.

Luper. I've been isolating too, but I'm ready to come out of hiding now. More about that at the end of the post.

nmd. My birthday is coming up soon, too. I know that a friend wants to take me for dinner, but I really don't want to go. Too much of a trigger. What I'd really like to do is go kayaking, but I'm not sure he'd be into it. Anyway...could you plan a low key sort of trip somewhere instead of a big party?

Findingtheway. Three weeks - nice. BTW, your avatar is awesome.

safeandsound. I am also enjoying brushing and flossing! Seriously, waking up with tuna stuck in your teeth is not cool. Good for you for going to counseling...I also need to go. I'm reluctant though - I have done things while drinking that I will never tell anybody about. Never. However, there are issues that I'm going to have to talk about eventually. Frankly, I'm still afraid to do it. It takes courage to do these things, so you can be proud of being brave enough to take that step.

Neverthought.
Ha ha ha - that's awesome.

So...this is weird, but I haven't had any trouble with the dreaded AV since day 2. That is, until yesterday. I walked past a pub that has a patio and umbrellas, and WHAM. I really wanted to go there. I thought...oh damn. I stood there and realized that I just want the patio, the umbrella, and a sense of relaxation. I realized that someday I'll be able to have that without drinking. I moved on. Besides, the last time I was there I sat drinking alone in the corner like a creep, spent way too much money, and felt the need to tell the waitress about how they could improve their system. Ha ha ha - I'm actually laughing at this. I've never even been a waitress. What was I thinking?

I did get an email back from my friend. She's totally cool and she understands the situation completely. She was an addict and completely ruined her life in her early 20s. She's way past that now, but she hasn't forgotten what it was like. She encouraged me to stick with it and pointed out all of the things she likes about me...it felt pretty amazing. We're getting together soon. Thanks for inspiring me to do that, Alynn. It was hard to do, but pulling myself out of isolation has to happen. I just want to have a life.

Stay strong, everyone.

checking in. day 2. I have a day off, trying to be kind to myself and just take it EASY. I realize that often I set myself up to fail, "I'm going to get sober, and eat super healthy and workout everyday and find a new job all in a week!" and when things don't turn out perfectly the "Screw it, just drink" mentality creeps up on me.

I've been exhausted, yet filled with anxiety and not able to sleep- after drinking a great deal last week, so not forcing myself to do too much. Managed to go for a little jog this morning to a nearby reservoir. It was lovely to take a break mid run- sit in the sun, listen to podcasts and watch the scenery. I'm grateful to soak up these last bits of summer.
This afternoon I plan on hanging out, reading and possibly a nap. Considering going to an AA speaker meeting around 8...we'll see.

edited to add-

Thank you Avice. I am happy to be back. What tripped me up this weekend? A stressful night at work. I don't particularly like my job very much right now, had a crappy night on Saturday, but got out of work a bit early, the thought of drinking popped into my head and I didn't even bother to do anything to fight it. The after effects were not pretty, it's very true that each relapse gets worse. Yuck.

Thanks Avice for the recommendation. It makes a little more sense now. I wish I had more time to write more but I have 4 little ones and their father here with me. What I would do for a moment of silence. And you don't need a man in your life. Focus on you and beat this nasty addiction. I asked my man for some time and space to figure things out. In return I got him bothering me more than ever.

Thanks Avice for the comment on my avatar.

Spiderman helps to keep me accountable. That message stands by my desk phone everyday.

Not today! Not any day! :)

Me too man, a long time ago.. Every now and then I'll fire up Rhapsody and go to sleep. as you say, "to those rifling dual guitars and the high pitch melodic scream.

My basketball coach wanted me to be a long distance runner, I told no thanks. I didn't tell him why though.....I didn't want to say "no thanks coach, I'm lazy, you're lucky I play basketball"!

We're glad to have you AM...you from the West side or East side of the planet?

Oh, and I laughed out-loud (at work) when I read ..'and the wedding guest's a sad and wiser man'. Maiden brought that poem to life.

That's funny****...You're a riot Avice.

Agreed that is funny. And I've been "that guy in the corner" a few too many times.

Day 4 baby.

Who would've thought I'd get such a good bit of support from a bunch of strangers over the internet. Plus it's free, this is one of the added perks of technology, yeah yeah!

My anxiety / craziness is slowly passing thank god, it'd be too weird if I really let you guys into my head, but I was really thinking I was off to the looney bin for a couple of days there. Nice to breathe a little easier.

I have been on holidays and chasing powder snow up in the mountains the last few days, and it's been interesting to watch all the good stuff that goes into my body, now I'm not drinking :) I finish up, all thirsty and sweaty, and instead of beer, it's a fresh juice and a litre of water (or whatever). It makes me feel good that what I'm putting into myself now is premium fuel, ie it's not poison. I was going for a long time on all the wrong types of fuel, stoked to still be in running condition!

Good vibes to all my legendary classmates.

:scoregood

Avice, I had to give you a "score good" because those words could of just as easily come from yours truly. Probably with a few typos though, bc lets face it, these MacBook Pro keypads are NOT designed with tigers in mind. In fact, I'm now thinking of drafting a letter of complaint to Apple, titled, 'Ergonomic Incompatibility of Large Cats and Apple Products'. I bet Steve Jobs would of been all this issue by now if he was still with us.

Jokes aside, it was good to hear you talked it out with you AV going past the pub, it's a healthy realisation that you were drawn to not just the alcohol, but that there were other factors in play too. Good reminder for me too :)

Hilarious!

This is so me! Everything is going great.. Working on my self, feeling good, then I get bored, angry, lonely, anxious,... When really everything is fine and I blow things out of proportion. Then I drink and it slowly gets out of control... Over that!

Ending day 17... lots of emotions in the last couple of weeks but today I am feeling free.

Welcome AM and Rocks :)

D

"checking in. day 2. I have a day off, trying to be kind to myself and just take it EASY. I realize that often I set myself up to fail, "I'm going to get sober, and eat super healthy and workout everyday and find a new job all in a week!" and when things don't turn out perfectly the "Screw it, just drink" mentality creeps up on me."

thisibelieve--this is exactly me! So many times. Thanks for the reminder to watch out for that all-or-nothing thinking this time.

Mind is too fuzzy to reply to everyone, but I'm reading your posts and getting a lot from them.

Day 3 supposed to be trying for Tom to be sober wish me luck so sick of these things ruining my life constantly tired thinking I'm going to die keep me in your prayers love to all of you that have stayed sober for any amount of days you are stronger than you know

Absolutely, I would love to just go camping with my kids, a bit cold in November though. I'm not a throw a big party for myself type person, just worried about any surprises because its a milestone year. I have time to get that message across I think.

If you want to go kayaking, you should do it! I was up there for whitewater rafting in the Ottawa river years ago. Very beautiful country.

Hey all - closing out day 5, and trying to not worry about the upcoming weekend. I have a lot of plans for both days, so I should be OK.

Sorry I'm not too talkative, I'm beat. Night!