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Hey Luc! It seems you have a pattern of being able to go a few weeks and then thinking "once a month isn't so bad." I also have that pattern and know that I psyche myself out and LOOK for any excuse for drinking to be okay. I think "oh, I'll just go back to it one more time" and it never ends up being that way. I remember you posting something about HALT a while back I think? I've been trying to check myself by thinking about it and trying to address those issues before I think of drinking. Can you think "I just won't drink for an hour and then an hour from that and then an hour from that" Small benchmarks can make things feel less difficult. Thinking of you! |
Luc - if you HAVE to go to the store, how about picking up an angel food cake mix and fresh strawberries, to make that as a dessert tonight! Know what else is a really fulfilling "snack" is a fresh banana, peel a bit, and sit there with a spoon or butter knife and spread globs on the banana end and bite. If you're up for it, a drizzle of Hershey syrup on top, too! Make it your plan to pick up something like those and let that fulfill your craving and AV talkin smack. :) :) |
I hope you're doing ok Luc. D |
I don't know if I'm strong enough. But thank you so much Rocks, Kat, Dee... HALT is really important. With the lonely part I think that means also boredom and depression, too (for me). I love the suggestions for food treats. Sadly I think my ED is influencing my decisions around alcohol too.... You would think it would tell me not to drink, because CALORIES! Because SUGAR! But my brain is all like "I can maybe drink and still have less calories than if I go all out and binge on yummy foods..." Oh, and with HALT I think the hungry part is so important....I've known from the past that if I get too hungry then my mood dips and I'm prone to drinking. But sometimes if I wait too long, then even after I eat my brain has already decided to drink and it's really really hard to come back from that. So with this stupid ED, I'm obviously hungry a lot....I don't always feel hungry, but my body knows when I'm not getting enough nutrients. Anyways... don't worry about me. I will deal. At least I am figuring this stuff out about myself. It's like there always has to be a part of me that is suffering. Because if I'm fine, then if there is something wrong then it won't be looked after because I'm "well" and not "sick" but it doesn't really make sense because if I'm fine, I'm fine... But it's like if I'm fine, then that's just surface health, and underneath the un-dealt with issues are still there and not being addressed.... so if I have unhealthy stuff going on on the surface, then it's a signal to keep digging and getting help? Or... something?? Like I'm afraid that if I'm happy and fine one day, that all people will forget me and let me dance off into the sunset of my happiness all by myself, no one to care for me, or love me or pay attention or care to me... so that if I become truly happy and well, I am not actually well, because then it means there is no need for anyone to be there or care anymore. Ummm.... sorry for these sudden realizations. I guess I'm just hoping that if I do drink, that I can get something out of this experience, to learn. Aaagh. Well, I think I'm on to something, at least... the rest can probably go in my journal, haha. |
I think you're plenty strong enough :) sometimes I had to reduce it into component parts : I will not drink today. If I drink this this and this will happen. I will not drink today. If I feel [insert emotion here] how else can I deal with this without resorting to harmful behaviour? I will not drink today.... D |
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