the doc wrote a note
i am not allowed to go
to work tomorrow

my body's telling
me to slow down or suffer
the consequences

I'm glad you're heeding
What your body is saying
Rest up, feel better.

Put on some good tunes
Let everyone wait on you
Eat delicious food

I will do that, too!
(I don't have an injury--
It just sounds so good)!

who will wait on me
my wife ain't compassionate
just pissed i'm worthless

i'm on the rebound
but need to be careful and
exercise wisely

i'm still in bed though
and later more electric needles
sunk into my skin

and how are you all
it seems this thread has become
too much about me

This is our version
Although it is virtual
Of waiting on you

I am fine it seems
It's fake it till you make it
Or some such drivel

Going horse riding
We may be in for some rain
Adventure woman

Deer hunters about
I will wear my bright orange vest
And hope for the best

Fighting for my dad--
Ditching insurance ripoffs
I am really spent.

self censor

I was really surprised the vocab I just used got through the system.

It was about insurance companies. Use your imagination.

I am here to whine
My horse, she hurt me today
She slammed me down hard

I'm scared. She knows it
It is a battle of wills
I have lost my nerve

Sober me, cautious
She wants to dominate me
Well, she got her way

She might have to go
Tired of being knocked around
Hurt me good this time

Used to like 'em wild
Younger then and wild myself
I was alpha mare

I'm bruised and battered
Moving slow, taking Aleve
Pills, I mean it, "NO"

Life is about change
Life is about letting go
Life has beat me down

What is a cowgirl
If she does not have a horse
End of an era

I am so sorry
It is hard to part with friends
Many happy years

safety first elsie
take it from a new cripple
we are so fragile

Else I'm sad for you
I hope you mend quickly
Inside and outside

A cowgirl without
A horse is a cowgirl with
Fully intact bones.

irreversible
slide into a writhing knot
without the right meds

doctor chiro wife
sister all telling me to let
go and take the meds

felt like a relapse
but i don't like the buzz or
the fuzzy morning

but grateful it helped
so not concerned about a
slip into abuse

they're not painkillers
and spasms are subsiding
seems i needed them

we create rules and
manufacture fear when all
we need is reason

an act of mercy
a kiss of self-compassion
a risk worth taking

only as prescribed
not feeling triggered at all
strong in my resolve

sometimes we draw lines
in the sand that need to be
crossed for a moment

i fought two battles
by losing one for now i
will win the other

I'm glad for two things far and near--
That you're in less pain and your conscience is clear.

had to surrender
i was being stubborn by
refusing treatment

i need to heal and
give myself a break instead
of being fearful

this is a triumph
of sorts because in the end
i know what i want

and what i don't want
and i don't want to be high
it's a sacrifice

i sacrificed my
clarity to reverse my
sliding condition

i am high right now
and the beauty is i don't
like the muddy head

but i can feel my
muscles unraveling and
melting toward normal

they will not tear from
my bones and undulate like
a stuck octopus

they will not wake me
tonight thinking i've been stabbed
with twenty ice picks

and soon i will heal
and when i am that bottle
of pills wil be tossed