It doesn't, does it
I wish I knew what would help
Nemesis. I'm shy

breakfast was the worst
vodka and OJ on ice
to soften the real

slicing grapes because
they roll around the plate when
i have shaky hands

and making small talk
when i really just wanna
puke and go to bed

just pay and leave please
i've had it with you and me
especially me

no more of that noise
because mornings are fine and
i enjoy people

they're not so bad when
i feel good and sometimes they're
quite interesting

even mindless tasks
are better when i make them
mindful and loving

Company just left
Managed not to drink but
Wanted to so bad

dreamt i was drinking
wine last night and said why am
i drinking this wine

it's over-rated
even if you are not a
crazed alcoholic

think of the money
saved because you no longer
drink even "cheap" stuff

dreamt i dropped acid
and even tripping i was
anti-alcohol

SR is my booze
it helps me wind down and get
ready for snoozeville

Having a bad time
Don't know what this is about
This sickness rages

It won't go away
Whatever I do or don't
All I am is fake

Emptiness inside
The earth sparkles with new rain
Only middle ground

Just that would be fine
Yesterday I lay in bed
Tried to shut it out

My strength is waning
I've been stuck here for a while
I am getting scared

Sorry for this one, Friends

Else that's why we're here
To share the burden and load
Don't do it alone

What I've learned sober
Is to do less enduring
And more enjoying

You sound lonely there
Struggling with your houseguests
Unhappy and stressed

I've learned to say no
To people places and things
That don't fill me up

There's only one life
We need to honor ourselves
Comfort leads to joy

House guests are like fish
They all stink after three days
Doesn't matter who

Not that they are bad
Or that we are misanthropes
Everyone needs their space

My guests bought chocolate
Cake that was to die for, I ate
Too much, so sick now

No will power
It's amazing I ever quit
Booze and cigarettes

Tiptree I hear ya
My isms know no limits
Sweets are a struggle

I am sorry, Else.
Hate to see you suffering so--
Deadness lingering on.

Wish that I could help--
Bear it up on my shoulders
So you were not trapped.

I had the deep blues
Very early in my life
Trapped in a dark well

I woke up one day
sun was shining, don't know why
The darkness was gone

I fear it's reprise
Blue tentacles still linger
Could grab me again

Who knows, it happens
A faulty neurotransmitter
A demon attaches

Again the long slog
The forced march in concrete boots
Naked affect, gone

Would I fight again
Or meekly give up that light
So hard won, yet done

Or hold on fiercely
Like the new soul I am again
Sober in the dark

Why do we suffer
when there is so much beauty?
Chemistry is all.

(((Tip))) keep up the fight
Use your tools to stay alight
Love yourself, stay bright

unbelievable
they might rescind my transfer
i think i'll resign

Yesterday I learned
"We just don't have full time work."
Promise rescinded.

The news registered
Like lead in my stomach
Why did I trust them?

Reminding myself
That thy will not mine be done
Seek the divine plan

Sorry for your woes
This work sh** so hard to take
Yet must endure (hugs)

i am open and
honest and all it gets me
are stabs in the back

i try to trust but
humanity disappoints
i am so naive

fighting over me
or a conspiracy to
get me to resign

i work with assholes
but i need the insurance
and modest income