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Originally Posted by Melina
(Post 4727562)
I went to a meeting last night! They were so happy to hear me say I'm back and on Day 1 and that my life has become unmanageable. They decided the best thing to do would be to focus the meeting on step 1, for me. It was a lovely, lovely experience. I feel grateful to be sober this morning. I'm going to pray for myself as a suffering addict to accept the help I need and keep putting forth honest effort to find my way back to health and peace. xoxo, Melina |
Originally Posted by Melina
(Post 4727562)
I went to a meeting last night! They were so happy to hear me say I'm back and on Day 1 and that my life has become unmanageable. They decided the best thing to do would be to focus the meeting on step 1, for me. It was a lovely, lovely experience. I feel grateful to be sober this morning. I'm going to pray for myself as a suffering addict to accept the help I need and keep putting forth honest effort to find my way back to health and peace. xoxo, Melina As you know, early sobriety is rough, but the only way out of it is through it. With effort and vigilance, honesty, and a little bit of gratitude, your life will start to become more abundant before your eyes! :grouphug: |
I'm really glad you went Melina :) D |
You guys rock! Thanks for cheering me on! I'm really afraid I won't be able to stay totally sober. And I'm afraid to tell you guys about yet another Day 1, or even worse, a ton of Day 1's more. So many of you are doing so well! It's not that I'm saying I suck bc you did it and I couldn't, but I don't want to fatigue you people by being the girl that cried sober one too many times. Like yeahhhh, Melina, you so sober, suuuure, you're really nailing this thing again. And again. And again. And again. I'm also not saying that to get petted and told it's ok to keep up the insanity of drinking when it's not a harmlessly fun, sociable, healthy or positive activity for me. Let alone all the reflecting I've done on what my Septies have been through in your own lives and struggles and all the hard work you've done. I guess I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself. My pink cloud lasted all of today and now I'm all, 'oh crap!' I need to keep thinking of the tears that ran down my face when I read about PBC feeling herself being carried out of a war zone. Man, did that resonate. I've been scouring SR for something to resonate with me the way so many things did that I read here when I first stopped drinking in September and that one was a yummy doozy. So thankful for that. I needed that. I can see that war zone all over my life: in my heart, in my mind, my soul, my relationships, the state of the house, the state of my to-do list, my finances, everything. And there's lots of ways I can get carried out of the war zone: myself, the meetings, SR, all the reading I do on this sick obsession, etc. But I can't keep my mind (AV) from romanticizing the drink. So stupid. Been reflecting on how so many of us lately here on SR say we drink bc of anxiety. Yes, I understand this completely. And it's a go-to excuse of mine as well. But it's weird that we figured out somehow and are steadfast in the equation of: anxiety happened or is going to happen = I must drink. Drink kills, anxiety, wtf? So opposite. Other people don't do that. Other people feel anxious and go to the gym. They go for a walk in nature. They get a pedicure. They talk with a friend. And these are the people we hide from and make excuses to not see while we pretend our way is better. And the isolation begins and feeds off itself bc drinking loves isolation. I don't know how I turned the corner where the only acceptable answer was to pour a s***ton of alcohol on the anxiety. Which makes anxiety way worse, le duh. But I did turn that corner and it's made me less free, more forgetful, physically weak and not so darn cute as I used to be, as well as leading me to disconnect from everything meaningful in my life. And if I do still participate in my meaningful activities, it's surface value and procrastinated actions with resentment and only to keep up appearances. This is not going to be an easy ride, and it's not easy for me to ask for help. I'm good at asking for advice when I'm mas o menos ok and I probably already know the answer, and I'm good at knowing when I'm completely broken and accepting that help, but it's hard for me to be one level up from losing everything and keep fighting. It's hard for me to sustain motivation when I'm not at a total extreme. I'm hoping that scares the s#*t out of me enough to know that I'm fully in the war zone and I'm scared that it's not enough. Anyhoo, thank you for everything. I'll just keep being honest and I hope you will keep being honest as well with me about your journeys. I love to read every post about your lives, and I'm proud to know you all. So much love, Melina |
Melina - there was a time - and I still remmeber it well - when I could not go three days without a drink. Now I'm several years in. I'm still me, but I changed some things about myself and my life to help me in my commitment to being sober. If I can do it, you can :) It's never EVER too late to write a new ending to your own story :) D |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 4729158)
Melina - there was a time - and I still remmeber it well - when I could not go three days without a drink. Now I'm several years in. I'm still me, but I changed some things about myself and my life to help me in my commitment to being sober. If I can do it, you can :) It's never EVER too late to write a new ending to your own story :) D |
~~Food For Thought....Fantastic Friday Edition~~ ~~Toxic Thoughts We Need to Drop For A Better Life~~ ~Note~ I wanted to continue the thought process from yesterdays post about our thought life. Whether we like it or not we are our thoughts, and the life we currently have and will have will be a direct result of our thoughts and actions from this point on. Addressing and changing our toxic thoughts can change our lives forever, I'm in the process of inventory to see what my self-talk has done to my journey thus far. So with that said, I wanted to start this 2 part post with a quote from Louise Hay: ~Quote~ Because words have power, I pay attention to them and carefully select them. I know my thoughts and my words shape my life, like a potter shapes clay into a bowl, a vase, a dinner plate, or a teapot. I am the words I think and speak. So why not create space inside myself for loving, optimistic, and cheerful patterns to constantly germinate, take root, and grow? Louise Hay ~The Post~Part 1~ All day long you speak silently to yourself, and a part of you believes every word. So stay mindful, and meditate on this question: “What do I need to stop thinking and saying to myself?” Here are some toxic thoughts to ban from your current self-talk: 1. “It’s too late.” No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change and become an improved version of yourself. Peace, strength and understanding will come to you when you manage to tune out the noisy judgments of others, in an effort to better hear the soft and steady hum of your own inner strength. And once you hear it, you will realize that it’s not too late to be what you might have been. 2. “If only I was stronger, smarter, more attractive, etc.” The absolute worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself. It’s always better to be true to yourself, and risk incurring the ridicule of others, rather than trying to live a lie, only to incur your own self-contempt. Remember, almost everything that happens to you is a direct reflection of what you believe about yourself. You can’t possibly outperform your level of self-esteem. You can’t draw from yourself more than you think you are worth. 3. “What I have to say is not that important.” Silence makes the inner battle much harder and longer. Speak your truth. Let it out… before it kills you! Honestly, this is one of the saddest things about so many people – their most important thoughts and feelings often go unspoken and barely understood. 4. “The less risks I take, the less regrets I will have.” You miss 100% of the shots you never take. Choices, chances and changes – start making them. You must make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change. In the end, more so than the mistakes we make along the way, we regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make. (Extremely Important!!!) 5. “I need their permission.” Do your thing. Don’t hesitate and waste all your time with lots of explanations. Most people only hear what they want to hear anyway. Just because someone doesn’t understand your point of view, doesn’t mean a great explanation doesn’t exist. 6. “I’ll start tomorrow.” Many great things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow. Don’t let your fear of making a mistake stop you. A life spent making mistakes is not only more enjoyable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. START TODAY!!!! 7. “I just want to be comfortable.” You will never improve yourself if you cling to what used to be, simply because it’s familiar and comfortable. Great things rarely come from comfort zones. You have to take risks. You will only realize the full potential of your life when you allow the unexpected to happen. (Real Growth Comes Outside Your Comfort Zone...I'm learning this lesson!!!) 8. “Pain should be avoided at all costs.” The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love, and to be greater than our misfortunes. To hurt is as human as to breathe. There is some kind of a sweet, innocent power in our humanness – in not having to be just happy or just sad – in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole at the very same time. ~Postscript~ I urge you all to take some time and not just read, but look within yourself to see which one or one's of these thought processes you are engaging in that is holding you back or has in the past. Remember knowledge itself is not power but applied knowledge is and you cannot look to change something that you have no acknowledged. I am going through this process myself and its not easy because I'm finding things that I don't like but have to address...that is where the true change and growth is. Have a great day and part 2 tomorrow. |
:) @ Melina |
Nightswimming. I'm fine :), Thanks for asking. |
Going to ny parents for Midsummer celebrations. This is with new years eve the biggest drinking holiday in Sweden. Used to go friends' parties in the past but this year I play it safe. Next year perhaps I feel like being at a wetter party might be fun. But not this year. Hope mon and dad have some nice non alcoholic drinks without too much sugar! Take care, will try and read posts when I get the opportunity |
Workoholic: have you ever heard of the band Little Dragon? They're Swedish and have been one of my favs since 2008! They're in NYC this weekend and I'm going tonight. The lead singer has an amazing voice and she sounds amazing live and I need to dance and I miss concerts! This will actually be my first sober concert and I'm really stoked!! I've saw them once before at the same venue a few years ago but was NOT sober! :no: I don't feel anxious at all, but I'm definitely going to a meeting after! I'm really really really excited. I'm looking forward to remembering the set list and enjoying the music with sharper senses. I always thought booze heightened those experiences, but it just blurred them. PS. I've lost 12 lbs!! :bananadan |
Originally Posted by Br00ksie
(Post 4730473)
This will actually be my first sober concert and I'm really stoked!! I've saw them once before at the same venue a few years ago but was NOT sober! :no: I don't feel anxious at all, but I'm definitely going to a meeting after! I'm really really really excited. I'm looking forward to remembering the set list and enjoying the music with sharper senses. I always thought booze heightened those experiences, but it just blurred them. PS. I've lost 12 lbs!! :bananadan Congrats on the weight loss! It's so cool you plan to go to a meeting after the concert, that is such a healthy and smart thing to do! |
~~Food For Thought....Special Saturday Edition~~ ~~Toxic Thoughts We Need to Drop For A Better Life~~ ~Note~ Happy Saturday to all, and I hope this finds you all well. I'm just continuing the post from yesterday regarding toxic thoughts and hope you found value in it. So here is part 2. ~Quote~ Because words have power, I pay attention to them and carefully select them. I know my thoughts and my words shape my life, like a potter shapes clay into a bowl, a vase, a dinner plate, or a teapot. I am the words I think and speak. So why not create space inside myself for loving, optimistic, and cheerful patterns to constantly germinate, take root, and grow? Laughter is good. Louise Hay ~Part II~ 8. “Pain should be avoided at all costs.” The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love, and to be greater than our misfortunes. To hurt is as human as to breathe. There is some kind of a sweet, innocent power in our humanness – in not having to be just happy or just sad – in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole at the very same time. 9. “It’s all their fault.” If you sit around for too long blaming others for the things they did or didn’t do, or know or didn’t know, you’ll remain sitting in one spot until you pass. Placing blame is easy, because it means you don’t have to do anything; you just have to sit around for your entire life. But that’s not living; that’s dying. To accept where you are without blame by seizing the present for what it is – for the opportunities it’s giving you every instant – that’s what injects life into your story and ultimately moves you forward. 10. “It’s OK to break a few promises here and there.” You make commitments to others and yourself all the time. The question is: Do you keep them? If you said you’re going to do something, do it! When you fail to keep a promise, it tells people (including yourself) that you don’t value their time or relationship. Don’t over-promise; under-promise and over-deliver on everything you do. And a few words to the wise: Never make a big decision when you’re angry, and never make a big promise when you’re overjoyed. 11. “It’s OK to stretch the truth.” It’s disheartening to think how many people are shocked by honesty, and how few by deceit. Don’t be one of them. Uphold the truth, always. Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often. And you should be the one shocking them. 12. “If I ignore the dark parts of myself, they will disappear.” You can’t change what you refuse to confront. So confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with gradual enlightenment and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will eventually allow your angels to sing. 13. “There are far too many obstacles.” There will be moments when troubles enter your life and you can do nothing to avoid them. But know that they are there for a reason. And only when you have overcome them will you understand why they were there. Accept this and keep your head held high. There’s no use in wallowing in negativity. You simply can’t expect victory while planning for defeat. 14. “I have failed and lost too much to go on.” If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something. Confusing? Not really. Think about it. Rock bottom is a solid foundation from which you can rebuild your life the way you always wanted it to be. 15. “I just want today to be over already.” Don’t wish your life away. Experience it. Work at it. Everything you go through grows you. Sometimes you think doing something is a total waste of time, and then it ends up being one of the best things you ever did. Amazing things can and do happen when you least expect them. Let each day be a scavenger hunt in which you must find at least one of these things: a sincere laugh, an act of kindness, a realization, or a lesson that leads you closer to your dreams. ~Postscript~ I urge you all to take some time and not just read, but look within yourself to see which one or one's of these thought processes you are engaging in that is holding you back or has in the past. Remember knowledge itself is not power but applied knowledge is and you cannot look to change something that you have not acknowledged. |
Woohoo brooksie! Sounds like a fun plan, and congrats on the weight loss! |
Quick check in - made it through an insane week. Still sober. I wish I had more time to connect with the class but I am totally swamped. Sending love to everyone. Xoxo |
Originally Posted by Renarde
(Post 4732360)
Quick check in - made it through an insane week. Still sober. I wish I had more time to connect with the class but I am totally swamped. Sending love to everyone. Xoxo |
~~~Had A Craving...Handled It!!!~~~ Just a moment I wanted to share. I had a craving about a couple of hours ago and I remembered a suggestion from a a post I had read that when that happens you have to have a plan. My plan has been to ask myself why I'm craving, what is going on right now? Am I bored? Stressed? Feeling Great? Anxious? etc. I then take a minute to process and do nothing...don't act on it at all, then I get engaged in something else and remember that "this too shall pass". When I got that craving earlier, I went and I put in a small workout and put on some music and took my mind off of it and remembered what my goal is and my "why" for doing it. And that craving too passed!!!! #FeelingTriumpant!!!:c014: |
Hello September buddies hope everyone is doing well I'm working at it here and there. My eye started getting better now the other eye is messing up I think it's being caused by my uncontrolled diabetes. What's weird is controlling diabetes it's almost like trying to maintain sobriety its a hard job. I wanna drink so I don't drink next thing you know Im eating two cheeseburgers and stealing some little kids french fries |
Hello, all. We have been home from our vacation for 5 days; we were supposed to get home yesterday! My daughter was admitted to the hospital here for 2 days to get her diabetes under control and for us to be educated. We are home, going on day 3, and it has been a roller coaster ride. Everyone tells us it will get easier and I am clinging to that. I have stayed sober. Whenever the thought of a drink flits through I quickly realize how much worse drinking would make it. The guilt and shame; I just couldn't handle that on top of everything else I am feeling right now. I have been reading the posts and I love seeing Melina back and Fish checking in! Hugs to both of you. BLK, thanks for letting us walk through this time with you. Everyone else, love to you as well. |
I'm glad you're home at least GG :) D |
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