Venecia - I know this is scary but have you thought about telling people you just don't drink anymore? I am one end of the spectrum. I began telling people I just don't drink. I never say I am an alcoholic, unless asked. If they ask if I had a problem or why I quit, I say I did not like how it made me feel or I needed to change or I was developing a problem. All are truths and I find it so liberating not having to hide.

For me I hid as a closet alcoholic and addict for so long. Yeah, people would see glimpses but few knew the extent or the frequency. Now its so freeing to just be matter of fact. But I also recognize that I don't need my job either, so that affords me a different perspective.

Two people on this site that I have been relatively close to relapsed recently. One of the commonalities in both is a lack of a formal program and isolation away from this site (reduced posts etc). My program include 3D face to face, as well as being active on this site. I really believe working with others, which is our 12th step in AA is so key to remind us of where we have been, as our minds are so powerful and have a way of selectively remembering the good times. Anyhow, for those that use this class as their lifeline, I think its really important to check in and call ourselves out as to what is going on. I can be guilty sometimes of judging but its something I am working on personally.

I am really grateful for the friendships that I have developed with all of you in our little Aug 2013 class!

V, I'm also wondering what it would look like if you told work colleagues that you are not drinking now/anymore, simply because you don't like the way it makes you feel these days or maybe that you lost a taste for it, or the last couple of times you drank it made you ill. How do you feel when you picture yourself saying that to your boss and other colleagues?

As for the outing, is there a new restaurant (that probably serves beer and wine but it won't be the focus) that you could suggest..."I've just been dying to try X...can we do that instead?". Or, what about a local musician for a low-key listening experience? Or you could go to the Basil Restaurant to sit in the Mary Tyler Moore table! Thinking of you. Let us know how it goes.

Today is day 7 no smokes. I really want a cigarette. On the one hand, I want to smoke. On the other hand, the idea of a cigarette feels heavy, stinky, and defeating. This is really uncomfortable. JD, it helps a lot that you said you didn't crave or think about it after a month. I asked another friend who quit how long it took before he felt like a non smoker and didn't want it anymore and he told me six months. Gah! My mind keeps going back and forth, wavering on the commitment to quit. One minute I'm certain I can do this, and the next I've decided that I'm not ready yet so I'll buy some later. Truth be told, I don't know if I'll ever be 100% ready, and yet I've been wanting to quit for about 15 years. Really going to try to give it 30 days on the premise that I can always go back to smoking.

Kadidee are you still working out and walking? Noticing the benefits like being able to actually breath easier definitely helps. Its like loosing weight and seeing the progress, it keeps you going.

We are all addicted to different substances in different ways. For me cigarettes were impossible to give up while I was drinking. When I got sober however, I quit in September of last year and it was hard for the first couple weeks and then I have never really looked back.

After a few weeks you are going to start to get your taste and smell back Kadidee. Then you will be able to smell the smoke on people and wonder how you ever were like that. Now cigarette smell repulses me. I used to think I could hide the smell but really I had just numbed my senses:-)

I think the 30 days is a good plan. Plus with the cost of smokes now, you are probably saving a decent amount of money.

JD, yes, I'm still exercising, but my routine was off for the week I was out of town. Going to yoga today...not sure yet if I can breathe easier yet, but psychologically I feel like I can. I'm using a 'clean something when you feel like smoking' approach. This keeps me busy and also makes me feel that little by little I'll make some overall progress. So far I've vacuumed, washed the coverlet and pillow cases on the couch, and dusted and reorganized the corner shelf where I keep my cookbooks. And did some laundry. Below is a picture of my progress, haha. Of course, cleaning is also a trigger because each time I finish one thing I think I need to have a cigarette before I start something else.

Kadidee, I like your corner bookcase. The photo is dark, but it looks craftsman style. I collect antiques and have a house full of old furniture. I like interesting little pieces like that.

I agree with this perspective V.

My suggestion is just go to the thing for an hour, eat, drink a couple tonic waters or soda, and split. Don't say anything unless people ask, then just tell 'em you gave it up as part of your health kick. It's really not a big deal, although I realize the folks there do seriously drink, lol. If you feel you can't handle it then just don't show up, as Else suggested. Any excuse will do.

Hang in there Kadi. I think you're over the worst part. If you have a bad craving just go for a really long, slow run. After that the thought of a cigarette will make you sick. I was training for a marathon when I quit. I made it a simple choice - my health and a better life or stuck with a bad habit and likely dying young. Good luck.

V, I will add to my prior post that I tell everyone I don't drink, if it comes up. I just tell them I did it for health reasons, and I have a litany of those to pick from if the conversation goes further. I'm proud of it, I feel better, and I don't care what people think about it.

That said, like JD, I do not openly tell people that I'm an alcoholic, as I don't care for the label. I may joke and say " I have an allergy to it", or that "alcohol and I don't get along anymore", or something like that, but no more than that. I've had a few folks ask me directly if I'm an alcoholic and I might say yes if they're a close friend, or I might say "not sure, but I don't want to find out".

Hi, all --

Good to see you got back safe and sound, Kadi. Hang in there on the quitting. :dance8: Again, so nice to have spent time with you, friend.

Thanks, all, for the feedback. One day later, I am much less the deer in the headlights that I was when I wrote previously.

Sometime back, somehow, drinks came up in conversation with my boss and I very casually mentioned that I no longer drink. Probably followed it up with "who needs the calories?" or something like that. I've actually had no problems being in situations where others are drinking.

I think what had me bouncing off the walls some was the notion of spending time in a place where you see beer being made, listen to someone talk about it, smell it and then the event culminates with drinking it. I've got no problem envisioning myself getting through that. I worried about afterward, when I am alone.

So if this is the event that we do as a team at work, I am going to be prepared with a thorough gameplan. Off the top of my head, I am sure that will involve things like bringing my gym bag so I can head straight to the Y afterward, probably head back to Wisconsin to spend some time with my mother and put the experience behind me.

(But the sudden onset hops-barley allergy hasn't been fully written off.)

You know what the best thing is? You nice people! Your ideas, suggestions and support. Thank you!

You could try: the last time I did beer tasting ,I vomited over everyone! Since then I don't drink beer!! Know one will push!
I don't enjoy those parties like I thought I once did..

I just have no clue why companies continue to sponsor alcohol-laden events in this litigation-happy world. My wife just says 'no thank you' to things she doesn't want to do, she never volunteers a reason. If she gets follow-up questions she usually asks if the person didn't hear her response. :)

Thanks, Orn. I like old furniture too. Most of what I have is hand me downs from my parents when they downsized.

V--I understand what you mean. In fact, I had a kind of a similar experience while in Minnesota. I had dinner with some friends I hadn't seen in years in Red Wing at Falconer's Vineyard. Although I knew, obviously, we were going to a vineyard, I didn't think much about it because I was so excited to see them. There was wine everywhere...bottles all along the walls. The waitress suggested bringing out several to taste, etc. In the end, it was fine, but for a moment there I was unprepared for how up close and personal it all was. Heading to the YMCA or Wisconsin afterwards sounds like a great plan.

Today is day 8 no smoking. Yesterday was the hardest day so far. I'm not sure if that's because I'm home now and surrounded by my triggers or if there is something about the seventh day (I read online that day 7 was hard for some reason). Anyway, I feel stuck in the middle of two mind sets--I want to be a nonsmoker and to be free of it, and yet I also want a cigarette. Such an odd and uncomfortable feeling. Advbike--it does help to see it as a simple choice. At this point, I really want to see if the cravings diminish after two weeks so I'm going to try to keep going. Gah!!

Kadidee - if you can stick it out for 30 days I bet your desire will be so much less it will become easy.

For me it’s helpful to become mindful of why I am craving something. To break down the desire…what has occurred to cause me to want the substance. This helps me understand and through the understanding I can then use one of my tools and pass the moment.

As an aside I had an awful experience at my AA meeting last night. I got accosted by an older what many would refer to as a AA Thumper in the parking lot. He suggested to me that I need to turn things over more to God and that I have too much self-will. Anyhow, from someone who was an agnostic at best 10 months ago, I feel I have moved mountains. It upset me to no end and as he was talking I tuned out and was going into fight or flight mode. I could feel my rage building and I wanted to kill him. The whole ordeal sent me into a bit of a tailspin, as I realize my ego was bruised. Not because he criticized my program but because I knew there is truth in it and I felt vulnerable because I might not fit in this program. For me I think acceptance or in my case a feeling of not accepting or being accepted is a big part of a very deep insecurity that rears its ugly head sometimes. By hitting this nerve my rage started to come out.

Anyhow spoke to a close friend and she helped me this AM.

I can see how that situation would upset you. That would have sent me into a real upset also. To me it seems like that guy had a problem with you personally that had nothing to do with AA. To approach you in the parking lot was a real chicken $*** thing to do. He wanted to fight you. (Jealousy?) . (Mine's bigger than yours?). I am glad you're feeling better, because this was about him not you. You've come so far, try to put this behind you. I'm glad you were able to talk it out with someone today. But I know it still hurts.

JD, you have an awesome program. Don't let someone try to pigeon hole you. Unlike him, you haven't eaten all the dog food yet. You can still think for yourself.

The only possible concern would be your reaction at being criticized. I am much the same way - I hate being told what to do or being criticized. Even my bosses over the years learned to tread lightly with me, lol. And it created huge problems in my last relationship. As a result, it is "an area of opportunity" for me. To learn to listen and not immediately react. Usually I'm fine if I have time to think the situation over and accept that these suggestions come from a place of love or concern.

As far as your program goes, you've built a strong one that integrates aspects of 12 step and spiritual growth with some exploration into other causative factors and behavioral changes. Your ability to do this comes from your independent thinking. Most importantly, it seems to work for you, so run with it.

Apparently, all this hard work, soul searching, occasional angst and more has not been necessary.

That's right. According to *several* new posts on the main forums, "vodo spels" are all we need. "don't worry i am solve your all life problem one call and change your life" is all we need to know.

Whew.

:)

Advbike - I recognize my reaction is because the guy hit a nerve ending. The God aspect of AA has been an issue that I am afraid to tackle. But I have not had to tackle it because my faith is building in my own program. Not in God. I am not sure I believe God. I do however believe in something greater than myself. My Higher Power is based on more of a positive energy in the Universe construct vs. Jesus Christ and has been working. So to say my program is wrong bc I am not turning things over to God and I have too much self-will hits a nerve and is why my reaction turns to anger. It’s a weak spot that I am insecure myself on in terms of my own program.

Else - I don't think he wanted to fight me just push his agenda on me. I felt bullied. It’s me that goes into fight or flight and the rage builds and I fear I could harm him. I kept everything in check but I could feel my own blood pressure building. I worked on my breathing technique as he was talking to me - I had tuned out at this point.

Anyhow, I see my therapist tomorrow and that always results in feeling much better.

The funny thing is that one pull of the thread and the whole sweater of my program can come undone. I go into a mindset of whether I fit in AA and if not what am I doing with all this and then well I may as well go out with a bang, yada yada yada. All because of some Bible thumping know it all.

Done with my rant and my chinks in my armor are apparent :-)

Oh, JD, my heart goes out to you

Venecia, I've been out looking for the "vodo spels". (I have to force my iPad to spell that!). Can't seem to find a good "spel" anywhere. Good grief what a world we live in! I really got a laugh from your post after I mulled it over a little. Thanks, I needed a laugh today