I go to at least 5 per week. I can totally relate, but what I do is remember that my (relatively high) bottom was still as low as I care to get. I thing, geez, do i really want to leave, start drinking again, and end up being the low-bottom drunk? Do I really want to lose everything first before proving to myself that I am an alcoholic and bad-off? Not really. I know I'm an alcoholic. Just trying to treat the disease before it gets worse.

Why? Maybe I can help?

Omg I was completely TERRIFIED my first AA meeting. I was ashamed, embarrassed, etc. because now THEY ALL KNOW! It was my secret. But, that gradually goes away. I'm not ashamed at all anymore. I'm proud that I'm taking action and I'm grateful they are all there to help and offer support. =)

GEAH - This is really good to hear. Great encouragement here. I think we are all proud of you for taking action and all appreciate hearing your experience and encouragement.

@DigginIn - Thank you so much. It's not been easy. Truth is (and many of you recall) that I didn't even want to go back to AA this time but it was a requirement of rehab. I'm so glad I did.

But I do vividly remember when I first went many months ago and how my knees were knocking, I would cry if anyone even spoke to me...I begged my husband to drive me (he wouldn't) and I called him when I got there trying to talk myself out of walking in. It was so hard and so embarrassing but I knew I needed the help. Turned out they were happy I was there. Or so they said. :~p

Rudy
Nice to hear from you. In the past 38 days I've been to a few AA meetings. I haven't been to more primarily due to scheduling constraints, not a lack of interest. (Primarily I've been getting my support from you all).

The meeting is mostly men. Last night, I was one of two women. It's interesting because in "real life" I would never walk into a room with these folks and feel comfortable. My experience, though, has been that, truly, the only requirement to be accepted is the desire to stop drinking.

There is a certain intimacy and camaraderie that comes from sharing a common desire not to drink. These folks share openly, listen to each other, and offer support. And hugs. And now that I'm getting in touch with my mushy side, I'm erring more on the side of hugging than snickering in the corner with the cool kids.

Hope that helps.

I was ashamed, embarrassed as well at my first one in 2008. To make matters worse, they asked who was knew and I raised my hand. Whatever meeting they were going to have, suddenly changed. A paper went around for people to write numbers, I was given a book and then they went around the room each of them looking at me and telling me their story.

I freaked out. At least that's how I felt. The second one was super religious God stuff, which I'm not. I'm not offended by religion I just felt like a scam being there.

I'll probably force myself to go for IOP.

For IOP they want 2 a week but not required. He asked if my views would interfere with my treatment. I didn't think so. I said God doesn't offend me. He said I didn't have to do AA, it's something they want you to do, but not required. Anyways, we'll see what my regular counselor wants me to do. They have to validate my insurance and will call back. My counselor introduced herself quickly and she said the first 3 weeks I had to be there all the days. I said that works, school start May 5th. So pending insurance, sounds like I'm in for 5 weeks starting next week.

I'm super vague I think. I couldn't really pinpoint my problems for his interview. I think these are the things I want to work on in the therapy.

They do go over SMART recovery. I need to read and find out more about that. The interviewer said it's working for some in his morning IOP group.

How long did you go without drinking during this period? I didn't drink at all between October 2011 and February 2013.

Was is more about healthiness or a combination? It was a combination. I knew there was a problem with the drink, and I needed to stop. After a couple of months, I was losing weight just from not consuming alcohol calories. That's when I decided to go all the way with it and join weight watchers.

When people can go such along time without drinking is it common to think that we become bigger than alcohol abuse? I think that's exactly what happened to me. I thought I was "cured" and that if I could go that long without drinking, surely I didn't have a problem.

I'm curious as to your mindset, when you had decided to have a drink after this period. Well, for starters I thought I was cured. And I thought I would spend a fun evening with my sister, drinking and that would be the end of it again. I was WRONG. That one night was fun. But the months of hell that followed were not so fun. It didn't take me long to fall right back into my old drunken habits. Binge drinking, black outs, withdrawals, sick, anxious, guilty, ashamed.....all of it came right back. And it took me another year (of my life that I lost by spending it in this condition!) to realize AGAIN that this was a problem. And here I am. :)

I can only dream about going a year without drinking. A year is a long time and I'm wondering how we should be thinking if and when that time comes. In my personal experience, a year under my belt was clearly not enough. I have to accept that I can't drink alcohol. Ever again. That's not to say I don't WANT to drink. But I know my life flows so much more smoothly without it.

Shannon - thank you so much for sharing. This is exactly what I needed to hear today.

Wow, thats a long time Keithurbanfan. You did it once and you can do it again. It's also a good reminder to us that we can never be safe with alcohol.
I have been moody and emotional today. They are just feelings, the same ones I stuff and push down when I drink. The same ones that I'm too preoccupied with a hangover to feel the next day. Feeling them and getting through them
Is the only way to any sort of progress.

I have to say that sleep is one of my biggest benefits of sobriety. When I slip, it's the first thing I lose and the first thing I miss. Followed by my self esteem, confidence, clarity, peace of mind, clear eyes, healthy skin and hair... The list just goes on and on.

I don't mean to dwell on drinking but it's good to remember how quickly things can go downhill. I know all too well.

Keep it going guys, good night:)

Happy Silver Chip Day, GreenEggsAndHam - we are so excited and pleased for you not to mention very proud of you.

This sounds so much like me!! They do that at newcomer's meetings here too. I've been to a couple that got heavy on the religion and I tuned out. Usually people keep it tame though, thank goodness. I appreciate when people respect the difference between AA and church. ;) Cool about SMART recovery! It's great to have options. I'm sure you will succeed no matter what path you choose. =)

Oh thank you! You are so very sweet!

I should explain why the 30 day chip is so important to me. The last time I went to AA and swore I'd never drink again, I got to 21 days and was really looking forward to getting my 30 day chip. But I started drinking again. I never made it to 30 so that was my mini-goal this time (aside from day to day abstinence).

I'm a daily drinker and started drinking in the mornings and ended at night passed out on the couch. Black outs had become a regular, nightly occurrence. I've been drinking for 28 years. Quitting was scary because I don't know who I am without alcohol. I grew up on it! It's who I am. Quitting at times feel awkward and raw and almost "fake." I've worked hard every single one of these 30 days to not drink and am damned proud of myself! =)

Thank you so much! That is one of most helpful realities I've ever read here on SR.

I worry that I'm not fully committed to the "never drink again" concept and that I just need to control it.

I can go days, weeks, months, but that is the extent of it.

I'll have success reaching some sort of goal and then I'll just go have a few drinks.

For example, I weighed myself this morning.....179 lbs....I haven't been this light since year 1999-2000. Now I think, well, you're doing everything right, now, go relax and treat yourself.

I've been putting it off, but I really need to see my Dr. about ADD or ADHD. I've read so many articles that people that have either of those are very prone to drug and alcohol abuse.

Well, thanks again KUF....and have a great day everyone!

I wasn't sure I was committed to it in my second month either NT - but by my year, I'd changed....and so had my perspective on a lot of things.

I think you'll find the same :)

D

Congrats GEAH!!
:c011:

GEAH congratulations on your chip. You've earned it. Thanks for sharing your story. What's your next mini goal?

NT- feeling good is my problem as well. My bloodwork is fine. However I know that's AV trickery. The AV even said look at all the people who drank lots more years, you still have time! This thinking started when I'd watch intervention shows a few years back.

Dangerous thinking. I try to tell AV, at least ninety days. Sometimes I say, in one year. Then Sometimes I tell AV, I promise, in 5 years. (I turn 40)

This is also a reason I wanted IOP. These boards are a blessing, but I want more accountability and support.

Landing in the hospital didn't ruin my marriage, finances, school,job or get me into legal trouble. I got away alive with bills. Counselor says I'm extremely lucky.
I mustn't play with fire anymore.

Have a sober Wednesday everyone!

Congratulation!

You have come a long way in a very short time.....we're proud of you! :c011:

Nice avatar btw...

I like the avatar too, GEAH!

Thanks, y'all!

I guess 60 days will be my next goal. I hadn't really thought of it! :~p

Oh the first thought I had when I got my liver enzyme/blood work back was cool, not much damage. I can still drink then! I had to shake that thought!

Karma - ambulance bill just showed up.