Class of September 2013 - Part 12
 

The last part is here!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-11-a.html

Now back to your regular programming :)

Hooped, I'm sorry. Stay close.

So....what do you think is the answer to this question?

Is there something about your plan that needs to change?

I was just reading that abstinence isn't necessarily recovery. Recovery is doing the hard work of change.

You are inspiration to me. Keep fighting the fight.

Spacestation, take the rehab offer it sounds like the best choice of those offered.

Black, hang in there and fight the cravings.

Hooped, did you slip and have a drink? What happened? Can you avoid it somehow if it happens again?

Kaneda, perhaps it is for the better, I hope you find a better job soon :)


Today I made a fool of myself by making a rather significant mistake. Luckily it didn't make a difference for the patient, just me looking as blind as a bat in front of my senior and junior collegues. I keep telling myself that erring is human. Also, it was a regular screwup, not a hungover screwup. Day 51 and fighting.

Edit:
Plenny, camomille tea helps me to wind down in the evenings. And making sure I am not hungry while trying to sleep.

I agree with this Lillian. I think this is similar to a person trying to lose weight. If you go on a diet you may lose some weight but you will always gain it back. To lose the weight and keep the weight off it has to be a lifestyle change. A change of thinking. Same with alcohol (any addiction really) sure you can eliminate alcohol and have periods of sobriety (I know I've done this a few hundred times!). But it will only be lasting when you change other things...thoughts, friends, what you do, where you go. It is hard work. But its also very rewarding and from what I have heard it gets easier with time.

Has anyone ever heard the term "dry drunk"? My mom is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She tells me "Don't be a dry drunk...you have to work the change". Meaning you can't just sit on your couch and avoid alcohol (well maybe initially) but eventually you have to get off the couch and go LIVE and find a sober life that makes you happy :)

I've heard that term a few times since joining. I am trying to revitalise my friendships as best I can but apart from that I am not sure what else to do.

This is why I went to the aa meetings. I feel like the same person but sober and somewhat bored.

Boredom is a big problem

True, I'm pretty bored when home alone. Listening to music is abit more fun these days though. Tv feels pointless. Reading travel guides is abit better too.
Maybe I need a new hobby.

For many of us drinking consumed much of our free time and thoughts. We were either thinking about drinking, drinking or sick from drinking. I think this is one of the hardest parts about sobriety....how do I fill this time now? For me boredom is a big trigger. I do think our sobriety will be longer lasting if we fill that idle time with something we love to do. Easier said than done I think!

AA meetings are helping me fill the gap, but Halloween hols next week and off work. That will be hard as I find weekends difficult . I live in the middle of no where if I don't go out I wont see anyone. My soon to be ex is still living here but gets up and leaves dosent come home till very late. I need to make a plan. Any ideas?

Hi guys!

Kaneda, I'm really sorry about your job. I know how that feels. I hope you find something soon. We're here if you want to vent.

Hooped, I'm sorry you slipped. Get right back on here.

Space, yes, rehab, go. What a gift.

Brooksie, that's great you got a normal night's sleep! I was up til 5 am and then woke up at noon today. Makes for an extremely crabby Melina.

I was too crabby to post anything yesterday. I am on day 4 and it was a serious battle to get here this morning. It really is true about how hard it is to do this yet again after slipping. My AV was telling me all sorts of crap. But I got through. I can not drink, it ruins my life. I will never have any semblance of a normal, healthy and productive life if I drink.

I just kept repeating that to myself. I couldn't sleep but I read a lot.

I also gave quitting smoking a shot. I just had a cigarette but I went three days without smoking and that is huge for me. Hopefully I can taper that down. My main withdrawal symptom from quitting smoking is severe irritability.

I did some ice cream therapy last night to help with all the cravings. It helped a lot.

I've noticed something about my drinking slips. Before they happen, I have already begun to behave as an alcoholic in regards to eating.

When I was actively drinking every day, I wouldn't eat until very late in the day. And when I was drinking, even if I felt hunger, I would ignore it and then scarf something down at 2 am.

So before my first slip, I noticed I was sliding breakfast time into the afternoon and just generally acting like eating didn't apply to me. Like I didn't have to take care of myself, like eating was an optional activity. I did this for two days before I slipped after 37 good sober days of enjoying my food and getting back into my recipes and nutrition.

That kind of laziness and unwillingness to take responsibility for getting myself fed has something to do with my slips. It's how I act when I drink, it's one of the reasons I drank. I act as if being an adult is some kind of imposition and that self care is optional.

I don't know where I'm going with this but it seems like there's something in there to help with trying to figure out where not to go next time I'm starting to slip.

I feel less crabby now that I posted.

I'm so glad I have you guys. I'm planning a lazy day but I will go to the gym at some point.

I thought all the posts I just read we're very cool. Thank you.

The term dry drunk to me means not drinking, but still having the old thinking and attitudes we had when drinking so the only difference was that there was no alcohol in our systems. We were still just as negative/dysfunctional with no real "recovery".

It can be a warning sign of relapse. As in one who doesn't work their program will slide into a dry drunk with all their old thinking and if that goes on long enough it will eventually lead to drinking.

Basically what happened to me, I guess.

I agree UI! :)

Going for a game of pool later I am sure I will hit more colors than just the white one i manage to get in the pocket lol

Not played it without drinking so hope I be better

K this is going to cost a lot of thousands,

and I think Im not worth it.

I don't want to consider it, I don't want to go.

Really? do I have to do this, no one else seems to need such treatment.

Oh i'm over the moon on this.

I have to remove everything from my home either way.

It sucks so bad.

Talk of Storage units,
Talk of Realtors, Rental Companies
Talk of Big time rehab

Streeeesssss = Guess

Oh now I've re injured my leg. Ha ! It's either feast or famine. I can only laugh about this. At least I am sober and no desire to drink.

I was looking for an AA app on my phone and I found AA pub finding app seriously gimme a break this ain't no joke.

Space, I hope you go to rehab. Not easy to put a whole house worth of belongings into storage but if it is a step on your way to sobriety, it's worth it.

Kaneda, I'm so sorry about your leg! How did you re-injure it? Is it painful?

Space, you should go.

Kaneda, Are you ok? what happened to your leg?

Maybe I am a dry drunk. I don't really get the term. Sometimes, I am just me, wishing I could have a drink. Maybe that is it? As opposed to being glad I am not going to drink?

I do have stretches of time where I feel relieved and whole and glad to have sobriety. I find it hard to believe any dysfunctional drinker gets past ever wishing they could sometimes be a normal drinker. But maybe many do.

Haven't been able to read anything today. Posting because I am so angry. Fighting with hospital to get the same care as the other people exposed. So furious. This is bringing up so many unpleasant emotions that I can't just push away and numb out from anymore. I don't want to feel like this!!!!

How long do AA meetings go?

Space, clearly you are worth it to the people who set this up. Pack your bags and go!

I was being too optimistic about my injury and tried to run. My leg strongly disagreed with my assessment :( Back to the physio again. *sigh* thanks for your concern. It's only a minor setback. Just felt like being a drama queen.

AA meetings are either 1 or 1.5 hours long

Sorry Kaneda. It really sucks when you feel good overall but there is one little thing keeping you from working out. Also thought you would enjoy knowing your username is now in my autocorrect. Lol

I am trying to learn to accept unpleasant feelings, i.e., not trying to fight back. As my psychologist is trying to teach me, unpleasant feelings are like a relative you dislike that comes to your house for a festive dinner. You invite them in, sit them down and then go do something else. That is to say, you acknowledge the unpleasant feeling and accept it, leave it be and do something else. I personally try to observe and breathe through the feeling.

I love the analogy of the unpleasant dinner guest! Thank you.

I am at my own doctor and he has been very supportive and made me feel much better. So glad I came here.

I am waiting to get my first test for this exposure.

I am back in the office. I know its all in my head but I find it tough going being here. Feeling sad and depressed. I know the feeling will pass. Just need to sit through it.

I wish you the very very best of luck ! My thoughts are with you

Kaneda I really like that Im going to try the next time I have one of those thoughts. Hope your leg gets better soon
Renarde that is an awful situation very unfair . AA meetings are a great help .You can talk about how you feel.
Space go to rehab.
Melina I hope your feeling better

The term is an implication that simply getting sober is not enough. That there were underlying reasons causing you to drink, and until you fix them you are still an angry, broken individual, but dry. In my case, there might be some truth to it.