Oh don't I know it about Italy!! I was there years ago in my drinking years and my biggest excuse for so much wine was that I couldn't get other stuff easily. Lucky for me the place we're going to this weekend, Costa Rica, is not known for any special alcohol "that I know of" but all the fancy cocktails and fruity drinks that will be all over. Luckily we are not on an all-inclusive so I'd have to pay and everyone would notice how fast the money was going, LOL.

I know that not everyone here goes to meetings, but is there any kind of meeting you could get to? Anything: Keep telling yourself that if you drink, it's not the days you've lost, it's that you have rekindled your desire for alcohol. You have lit the pilot light on your furnace of alcoholism, so to speak. So, you never know how long you'll drink again or when you'll be able to get sober again.

Happy Belated Birthday, Casey! I worked in the restaurant business many years ago and in those days our bartenders would regularly make "mistake drinks" for us waitresses. She somehow knew just how to make enough to keep us buzzed but not drunk and we could still do our jobs. Didn't keep me from getting drunk as a skunk after my shift, though!

Hello people...

Day 23 for me. Trying to get through a friday night is hard, exhausting. Does anyone else feel physically sick with cravings? :(

Been trying to keep myself super busy. Not sure its working. I might be just exhausting myself. Felt really lonely again.

Anyways. I hope everyone is well and good :)

Sicknote

is it cravings or anxiety sicknote?

D

Hi to everyone. Day 38 for me and doing ok. Good luck to everyone for the weekend. Keepi on keeping on. X

Oh. I forgot to mention that I went to a meditation session at a local buddhist centre. Very welcoming place and I found it very helpful. There was a talk before the guided meditation which was about training the unquiet mind. I think I might go on a weekend retreat with them.

AH! Good point Dee74. Its probably just panic. Doh!

Yeah, I've worked at many restaurants/bars where us staff were more buzzed than the people we were serving. The restaurant I'm working at now is a major chain one though and I don't think that kind of behavior will ever happen or be tolerated. And for now I'm just coming in and doing my job and kinda keeping to myself, don't want to get involved in that after-hours drinking atmosphere at all. Being around alcohol at work hasn't been an issue at all yet but I've also been mainly working lunch shifts where we serve a hundred glasses of tea to every one glass of wine or bottle of beer.

Hope your Friday night got better sicknote. I find Friday nights better sober! Must be getting old!

Yes, it is hard for me, too, sicknote. Sometimes the whole weekend is just exhausting from battling the AV. I had some cravings earlier today so got my butt to the gym and felt better afterwards.

Day 15 almost over. I always feel so good at the end of the day when I get into bed sober. Love the mornings now too. It is the time in between that is still so hard.

Hope everyone is having a nice and sober Friday night!

Hi July friends :) Day 29 here. It has been one tough week for me, extremely busy at work and my emotions, moods, and thoughts are just all over the place.

Sicknote- I wouldn’t say I am physically sick from the cravings but definitely emotionally drained not only from the battle itself but I think from actually having to FEEL things and not drink them away. I, too, am feeling very lonely lately. I think drinking was my friend so when loneliness creeps in, that is where I want to turn.

Gwen-Wow! That sounds very cool..the meditation center AND the retreat. I think someone like that would be so helpful with recovery.

Ladybug- It’s like you read my mind. I literally just crawled into bed with my laptop and thought the same thing before I read your post- It feels so good to go to bed sober. I’ve had a weepy, emotional night, and many thoughts of how usually I would just handle these emotions with a big bottle of wine. It’s hard to just FEEL them and get through them. “The way to the other side of a bad feeling is through it, not around it” (Drinking, A Love Story). So true. I have stuffed so many feelings with alcohol over the years it’s ridiculous. Anyway, good for you for going to the gym! I just realized that I have barely made time to exercise since I’ve been back to work, really just been doing it on the weekends. And I bet that is contributing to this wave of depression I have been feeling.

I did think of drinking today, quite a few times. But I knew all along it would only have made things worse, especially tomorrow. Feeling lonely – for adults I guess- because I am so very grateful for my children and my dogs, who are always right there with me :)

It's that ride home past the p stores that is hardest for me.:gaah
It was a daily ritual for me to stop in there after work.
For me, my hardest days will be in a few months. When I forget how much depression, anxiety and insomnia I went through to quit. And that worthless AV telling me that I have it under control again.
I know, I can NEVER drink alcohol again.

My 20 year old niece was almost fired from her server job because she drank a "mistake" drink. Because she owned up to it they suspended her without pay for two weeks instead. And they suspended the manager on duty a month.

Big life lesson for her right there.

Oh my SO disappointed. Just talked to my boyfriend on the phone to firm up tonight's plans and I could tell he'd been drinking. After a few questions he said that while waiting for new tires to be installed he walked to a micro-brewery and had a sampler, then went to a sports bar. I could tell right away from his voice he'd been drinking - it changes after just a few. Although it's not a multi-day vodka binge like he'd been doing it's still so disappointing.

I suspect he'd been drinking on Monday too - again his voice changes. He'd said he was congested, but also commented "how perceptive of you" kinda sarcastically when I'd mentioned he sounded stuffed up. Now I'm thinking he'd been drinking then like I first thought at the time.

So so disappointed. And we're supposed to look at places this weekend to move in together in October when my lease is up.

Trying not to let this make me say to hell with trying not to drink myself.

Day 18 nearing a close. I need to get more active. Group was soo great this morning. Then slowly but surely my sunny disposition got foggy then downright stormy. Im drizzling now but next week I start having group 5 days per week. Ill get up everyday take my son with me to group then to a playground after then go to the gym and study, dinner, more baby time etc. Im going to give myself permission to take it easy because in reality im doing great. Progress not perfection is all anyone can ask for. Monday will be 3 weeks!

great going LLG :)

stay true NorCaliGirl - others behaviours may disappoint from time to time but your recovery is for, and about you :)

D

Thanks Dee...and I know we all have stumbled on our roads to sobriety. My boyfriend has stumbled, but it's his road - not mine. I just let myself get my hopes up a little too high where my boyfriend is concerned. Reality check time. Still this is looking to be a very challenging weekend for me.

Made it through Friday night, the worst part of the week for me. I'm in Sydney watching an American show about pawn shops. The pawn shop is the size of a tennis court it's massive.. My days of visiting hock shops are way behind me thanks to god!

Well I went to my boyfriend's and unfortunately he'd continued to drink after he got home and was "officially" drunk (vs. just having had a few as he was earlier on the phone.) Since he was unwilling to talk to me about what was going on I turned around and came back to my place alone. I'd rather have a sleepless night here in my own bed than one at his place as he sleeps it off.

Going to put on my pjs, maybe watch a little tv and call it a night.

Finishing my day 27. Not in the way I'd hoped but dammit I haven't had a drink in 27 days! And I feel really good about that!

It really is something to be proud of :)

congrats to you and everyone else here hitting a milestone today :)

D

Day 34...on my way out the door for a nice Saturday morning run. These runs used to be more painful since I usually had a mild-moderate hangover EVERY Saturday morning. Not anymore...I'm very thankful for that!!

Have a nice Saturday everyone and stay sober:-)

Hope everyone made it through Friday, heres to a sober saturday! Night all.

Howdy
 

Hi all, great to see that your all doing well and are trying hard. 6 weeks today - energy up - family arriving back to Beijing next Saturday which will be great. Trying to exercise as much as possible and stay busy and avoid boredom.

But to be honest I'd kill a few beers . . . . You know that feeling . . . Take the edge off . . .

I have told almost everyone that I have stopped drinking alcohol. Didn't justify or explain. If people push as to why I just say that I have been reading up on the affects and now I choose a healthier life.

Gotta keep remembering this and staying strong. Whenever I feel weak I drop by the forum to read up on how people are doing and get motivation.

Going to a friends for food and lots of people will be there - getting plastered. It's a beautiful day here, company will be great, just need to stay away from the demon drink.

Will probably just leave if I feel tempted.

Take care all,
Caoi

NorCal: Sorry about your bf, but like you said, it's his deal, not yours, even though you are disappointed. I know seeing my bf drink and they way he acted when he was drunk was huge in getting me to quit drinking. Hope you had a nice sleep alone, you did the right thing.

Sobermarathon: 34 days is awesome! And so is all that running you do!

Caoi: Congrats on 6 weeks. I agree, even when I feeling the slightest craving, even if I am at work and my drinking time is hours away, I will hop on SR on my phone to read and get my head to realize that YES, one drink WILL matter, and that staying sober is more important than any dumb craving.

Looking back on last night, I was so emotional that it's hard to believe I wasn't drinking! I really think that the pressure of work on top of the usual struggles of early sobriety is really getting to me. I am lonely, but it's not the end of the world, I have so much to be grateful for, and so many friends and family members I could reach out to, I am just choosing not to, to be completely honest.

Day 30 for me :) I look back on this month and how it could have been so completely different had I been drinking. I think I'm stressed now, imagine doing all of this with a hangover and a bottle of liquid depressant every day. UGH!

Day 29 is done. Worked all morning/afternoon. Went fine. Made the most money I've made since I started there. Came home and started playing a Zelda video game, ended up obsessing on that for hours and not doing anything else. And there's nothing wrong with that. The worst night of unproductive video game playing is a million times better for me than any night with an open bottle.

Had the first drinking dream I remember having in these 29 days. I don't remember the details except I woke up in a panic, I was absolutely positive I'd drank a big glass of vodka. Stupid dream.

Day 30 starts now. I work again this morning/afternoon. No other plans. I made 39 days earlier this year in January/February. That ended when I started turning things around financially and then started telling lies to everyone around me again. I just decided one night after work that maybe I didn't have a drinking problem after all because look how good things are going now! and, viola! six months later my life was in the toilet.

Most I've ever gone is 53 days two different times. First was in 2003 when I didn't have a job and was on this daily work-arrest program where I was waking up early and doing odd jobs for the city to pay off many thousands of dollars worth of traffic fines. That whole 53 days I kept hanging out at bars and with my drinking buddies and telling loads of lies, but I didn't drink because I was broke and because I had to wake up too early and do manual labor. The day before my work-arrest program ended, I got hammered at my favorite bar. Spent that next day in agony working in the hot sun doing handiwork around the local skate park. Ten months later I got my first and only DWI.

I also made 53 days in late 2005 when I was going to an intensive outpatient therapy held by my local probation department. My probation for my DWI was supposed to end at about the midpoint of the IOP, but my probation officer was supposed to work with the judge and get my probation extended so I could finish the program. She dropped the ball, and I had to leave the IOP. Imagine that, someone on a DWI probation that is upset because their probation ends earlier than they want! But that was me. Three or four days later, I got drunk after an extended pity party. Up until that point, that was probably the most stable length of sobriety I'd had. I steered clear of the bars, I was really enjoying the IOP. But it wasn't that stable now that I look back on it--I was still telling loads of lies, even hiding the fact that I was going to the IOP from all my family.

I've said this time and time again in here already but it's very important to me, the most important thing going on in my life right now is that I have to always remember that honesty is the deal maker this time. I am sick and tired of living in a web of lies that have given me excuse after excuse to drink. So while I'm proud that at just a few minutes after midnight tonight it will have been 30 days since I drank that last vodka and seven (or soda, don't even remember at this point and I'm too lazy to get my journal and check), I'm even more proud that I haven't told a lie in almost 28 days today. That's been the difference this time--complete honesty to myself and others as far as I know.

And I don't know how it's worked exactly but I know it has to be an effect of this honesty in all aspects of my life that I have had absolutely no desire or compulsion or even really just a fleeting thought or twinge of desire to take a drink (well, except for last night's dream but that doesn't count) since I started down this path of honesty. I know I have to remain constantly vigilant but it's nice to wake up in the morning and feel 100% positive that I'm going to remain sober all day and that I'm not going to make my life any harder by telling a bunch of useless lies.

For all of you that are still suffering, I sympathize. It gets better. I'm living proof of this. Just remember that you don't have to pick up that first drink today no matter what.

Hi everyone,

Day 16 and feeling really tired today. It is a beautiful day here so we took our dog and daughter for a walk in the park and then stopped at this little cafe for bagel sandwiches. Yummy. Now home and I just want to crawl into bed for a long nap. I never get to take naps (daughter stopped napping last year when she was only 2!) I hate days where I have no energy and feel drained, but it still beats a hangover.

How is everyone else doing today? Hopefully well! :)

Well talked to my boyfriend on the phone this morning. He's still drinking this morning - even though he won't admit it. So disappointing.

But I'm on my day 28. I will not allow myself to slip and be disappointed with myself as well.

Hi all,

Hey Fabl and Casey

Congratulations on 30 days!

Casey

Sounds like you've turned a corner into the sunshine on your path to sobriety, that's great!

Fabl

Yeah, loneliness sucks...I'm feeling unheard by my few friends at the moment. By my sister too.
I think I'll post a thread on the Newcomers' forum about it; this issue has been troubling me quite a bit lately, and I feel I need support. I'm ok, just over 6 weeks without drinking, but I'm not sure what to do with resentful feelings currently, that in the past, I'd immediately drink over.

We're all doing well, I think, despite a lot of different challenges. Let's keep it going!

Start of DAY 25 for me.

When I was drinking I was either drunk or suffering a hangover, so I never had much time on my hands. I now find that I have so much time on my hands and boredom is one of my triggers. I'm now planning on how I am going to use my time. It's not easy getting out and meeting people again without a glass in hand, but I feel that to force myself to mix with others is also part of my recovery. I'm making plans and researching what activities are available to me in my neighbourhood. Wish me luck everyone.

Stay sober.