The funny thing is, too.. As I am realizing how atrocious my behavior has been, and how my health is deteriorating physically, mentally, and emotionally, I have others around me telling me that I/my alcoholism is not that bad... How is that?

Me too. Seems mind boggling to me since I know how deep and destructive my problem is. I've given this a lot of thought as my AV was keen to tell me that it must not be so bad if other people don't see it, even though I know how bad it is.

For me, I grew up in a sober household. My dad recovered just before I was born and my mother, who never drank, was involved in alanon and their greatest fear was that i would inherit the disease. Like many on here, I was an alcoholic from my first drink at 15. I learned from the time of that 1st drink how to hide it and hide it well. I am very close to my parents, but they have no idea that I've still been drinkng. I've had friends tell me they've never seen me drunk when I've been out with them and have blacked out. My husband thinks everything will be fine if I just learn to moderate. On and on.

Your post hit a nerve because I've gone over this so much myself. One last point, my dad had to quit because he was near death. My mother was the last one to admit he had a problem even though by all accounts it was destroying their lives - that's how deep denial can go.

More sage advice! I was so vigilant about this the first few weeks and I guess I let my guard down. I've taken pretty extreme steps to make sure I don't repeat the same mistake this Sunday. Thank you once again for sharing your wisdom.

My friends told me that too.

There were various reasons I think - some of them were heavy drinker or alcoholics themselves. Acknowledging my problem would have meant acknowledging theirs.

I also drank a lot alone. I paid all my bills...never got in legal trouble.
Noone really knew the dimensions of my drinking but me

And some people just like life simple.

It was easier to pretend there was no problem than to talk about it...and after all, thats what I was doing myself...

D

I've started taking a TRX class at the gym, have you heard of this? It's an absolute killer! But my friend got me hooked so I do that 3/week and I've started a running program. I woke up after the bombing and wanted to do something so I've decided to try and qualify for Boston next year. I thought my marathon days were long behind me but I really want to do this.

I thought my marathon days were over too, but I have the same desire....focus on training and not on how I miss my champagne. It's funny how I didn't drink when I was in training some 30 years ago. What happened to me?

I am a class of April 2013. My last drink was April 6th. Amazing how clear my mind is now that I have stopped for 13 days. I have several opportunities to slip this weekend at some social events. I will be strong and refuse to isolate myself so say a little prayer or send some positive juju to me!

The same for me. I too want to qualify for Boston, I've been saying that for the last 5 yrs but I drink too much to ever really train appropriately. I've singed up for a marathon in the fall and I'm going to use a BQ goal as my absolute bottom line reason for not drinking. That will be what I tell others, but for myself I know it's only the surface reason, if that makes sense.
We CAN do this.

Good morning April friends,

Welcome to all of our newest classmates! This forum has helped me more than I ever thought it could. I think it is because as we learn about each others stories and struggles we realize we are not alone. Before joining SR I felt like I was the only Mommy of a young toddler who had this addiction. I felt so horrible about myself and ashamed that sometimes I think that just fueled the addiction? I still wonder how I got here. I had a wonderful childhood and neither parents had/have a drinking problem. I do know that I had a great grandfather and great uncles (all men) who were alcoholics so maybe it did get passed to me after skipping some generations?? Who knows, as my husband said to me when I presented the same question to him, why do some people get cancer and other awful diseases? At least I can do something about this. This isn't a death sentence. I have to remind myself of that every time (which has been often lately) I start having a self-pity party.

So, starting Day 13 and my second sober weekend. Hope everyone is feeling good and staying strong. Thanks for being here!! :)

Ladybug.. looks like we started the same day! My second weekend is approaching too.

DrakeCKC, yes we did! The weekends are when I have had my last 2 slip ups, but we made it through last weekend and can do it again. Post here if you need some support :)

NotSoIvory- I'm dealing with an alcoholic brother as well. I had to say goodbye to the drunk brother. I hate it when he is stoned/drunk. I let him know that my door is open when he is sober. He made me feel guilty, like I was a bad sister. It's some drama triangle that they keep trying to suck you into. The moment you stop playing their game, you become the bad guy.
I used to try top moderate my drinking by drinking only when my husband does. (but then I would have another...and another) He's the type who can moderate his drinking. So I think the difference is that I have the "beast" or AV voice and he doesn't. I've named him Beavis from Beavis and Butthead because I have to have a some sense of humor to lighten things up. I picture him with his shirt over his head after taking all those pills from the old lady on the plane.
When I have a craving to drink, it comes from a dark place that isn't from me. It helps to dissociate myself from those thoughts. That's not me wanting a drink, that's the Beavis inside me. He's an idiot and he's made an idiot out of me on many occasions.
I really appreciate everyone's honesty. There's no bulls* here. I feel like I am learning so much from your stories.

MLC - My voice is saying the exact same thing!

I'm day 12 today! Last night was hard...hubby was nagging about something, and ADHD son was not doing anything I asked him to do. AV kept telling I could quiet those things if I just went out and bought a bottle! I told him to shut up and made it through, though!

Hope everyone has a wonderful, sober Friday and weekend!

Wow, 14 days sober and feeling great. I have been so busy with school I have not been keeping up. I hope to have time this weekend to read and see how everyone is doing. I wish all of you well and congrats to sticking through this and helping me to realize that this is possible.



Carter

Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't posted yet today -- I've been working all morning to catch up on the stuff I let slip this week.

Got some bad news. For me, in the overall scheme of things, it's not so bad. For my family, it's a serious pain.

So, of course, when I got stopped after passing out at the wheel of my truck, my truck got impounded.

Well I found out today that the impound is 90 days mandatory. So that means my family of 9 is down to one vehicle. This amounts to punishing my family for my mistake. It's not right. They didn't do a damn thing wrong and they definitely don't deserve this!

Well.... I guess the only thing I have in my power to do to make this right is to go buy a car. Didn't want to do this right now, but as I said, this is not their fault and they don't deserve to suffer for it!

I think there are a lot of us out there! There is a huge stigma for all addicts, but an alcoholic mother?? No worse stigma out there, to make matters even worse. The shame is horrible, and my guess is your right - it just fed the beast even more. Our kids deserve the childhoods we both had, sober parents.

We can start our own sober marathon training group!! This is exciting. Glad to see how healthy we're all getting :)

Hi - just wanted to say hello and join the class :-)


Back in SR after making fatal mistake of thinking I was conquering my problems , lesson learnt and looking forward to meeting my comrades in our battle .day 3 today

Haha, I would love to join a group like that, but I haven't run anywhere in 19 years. I just don't do it!

I am hoping that at some point I can get sufficient control of my blood sugar problems that running doesn't make me feel like I'm just about to die. And, in fact, I'm well aware that exercise is one part of the total cure for hypoglycemia, but it is going to take me some time to get there.

Hi Rainy! Glad to see you here!