I was taught to strike out but knew I was still responsible for it. I do my best to have compassion for my family of origin because they still do it. Unless something drastic happens, they'll continue on. Maybe even then they will too. I don't know. I just keep a safe distance from them.

Hi :)

I'm doing well but my days of physical ease are over for a while. Building muscle where there is none is not easy! Not painful, just tedious and tender sometimes.

Otherwise, my world is perfect in all it's imperfections these days :)

((Chino)) - SOOO glad to see you!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I just had the best day EVER! :)

It feels like recovery came full circle. I had an excellent session with my counselor, then my sponsor, then a great meeting. Went to lunch with a dear friend. Got a haircut. Showered and then went to my very first speaker meeting. I stepped out on a limb and asked for help! *gasp* Asked my Mom for a ride down the street to the church. And she dropped me off.

Also, enjoyed my grandmother before heading to the meeting. Mom and I helped her put her night gown on and helped her to bed. If you know my full story, you know that this moment is a MIRACLE for me. Thank you God for forgiveness and accepting my own humanness and the humanness on others. Without that, I would still be afraid and angry with Grandma. I would have missed out the loving moment I had, putting her to bed WITH my mom! Amazing stuff!

Both speakers were adult children. I could relate to a lot of what they said. Incredible!

I believe in recovery. I believe in the 12 steps. I believe that my life can be filled with joy and miracles. So happy to be present to experience them! :)

Love,

Lily

Hi Chino! Good to hear from you!! :hug:

Wishing you a speedy physical recovery. :)

The Language of Letting Go
January 9, 2013
Responsibility for Ourselves



Care-taking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we’re responsible for theirs.

It’s a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But care-taking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Care-taking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves.

Care-taking doesn’t work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.

The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves – for what we think, feel, want, and need. The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and let others take responsibility for themselves.

Today, I will pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself. I will let others do the same. If I am in doubt about what my actual responsibilities are, I will take an inventory.

Oh Lily ~ would you believe your post brought Tears to my eyes!! tears of happiness ! I love those days when you feel like recovery is oozing out of every pore of your body!! So so so very happy for you and proud for you that all the work you are doing is coming to life in your daily walk!
Just a suggestion - if you journal - write down every detail of yesterday - so when the valley hits again (as we all know they will) you will have yesterdays memories to carry you thru & to know days like that will come again!

Chino ~ yeah to hear from you - glad the imperfections are perfectly working as they should - lol hate to hear about the muscle building process - ouchy ~ prayers for comfort thru the process ~

Amy ~ how's my Elvis - I thought about him yesterday as it was THE ELVIS is bday!

Thanks to all of you for the love & support of our Sunshine ~ she has had a much better few days - in fact Monday nite she gave me a big hug when I got home from work ~ and whispered - "Thanks ReeRee for staying up with me last nite, I feel better now"
I told her "anytime - it's me & you & pawpaw always! we are tight forever" and she giggled like little 8 yr old girls are suppose to!

Another blessings ~ I heard from my friend I was concerned about ~ She posted some stuff on FB. Not sure how honest she is being - but it's not my place to judge ~ it's just my place to be grateful she is alive and that she is no longer isolating!! She did acknowledge she did receive my cards and said she appreciated them! So hopefully things will get better for her - Thanks again for the prayers for her! once again her HP is in control!

Hope each of you are able to share a blessing with someone today ~

pink hugs,

Thank you Rita! I will write it all down. You are right about those valleys. It would be great to have it in my journal as a reminder. :)

I am so happy Sunshine is doing better. My heart goes out to her. I know what it's like to miss a parent while living with other relatives.

Still hoping your friend gets back on track. :hug:

Love,

Lily :)

((Lily)) - SO glad for your awesome day! I've found myself driving down the road, with tears running down my face, because of the gratitude of recovery:)

((Rita)) - I did see her posting and wondered the same thing you did, but am really glad to see her posting.

I'm picking up another shift with Mr. D today, as his other caregiver has to be at the airport to go to her Nana's funeral in PA at 7, and she'd never make it when she can't leave his house until 6.

Next week, I think I will try to stick to the 44 hours they have me scheduled, but it will be nice to get nice paychecks!

Elvis is doing okay, LOVES his baby food and snuggled with me last night.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I am so glad Elvis is doing good Amy. :)

BTW, I do realize I'm slipping back into codieland in one respect....helping out my bosses with every shift that comes up. Part of it is money, but I know me well enough that I'm getting "stokes" from being the hero.

Has NEVER worked for me in the past, don't expect it to work long this time either. Sooo, will be ordering my study books for the certification test with next paycheck and make a schedule of studying time and work...and find some "me time".

On one hand it bothers me that I can so easily slip back into this mode, but at least I'm recognizing it and making plans to STOP it so guess that's a good thing.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

awareness is part of our recovery Amy ~ maybe your HP wanted you to know a little more about you ~

glad Elvis is doing better~

The Language of Letting Go
January 10, 2013
Fear



Fear can be a big stopper for many of us: fear of fragility, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake, fear of what others might think, fear of success. We may second-guess our next action or word until we talk ourselves out of participating in life.

“But I failed before!” “I can’t do it good enough!” “Look at what happened last time!” “What if.. .?” These statements may disguise fear. Sometimes the fear is disguising shame.

After I finished the first two chapters of a book I was writing, I read them and grimaced. “No good,” I thought. “Can’t do it.” I was ready to pitch the chapters, and my writing career, out the window. A writer friend called, and I told her about my problem. She listened and told me: “those chapters are fine. Stop being afraid. Stop criticizing yourself. And keep on writing.”

I followed her advice. The book I almost threw away became a New York Times best seller.

Relax. Our best is good enough. It may be better than we think. Even our failures may turn out to be important learning experiences that lead directly to – and are necessary for – an upcoming success.

Feel the fear, and then let it go. Jump in and do it – whatever it is. If our instincts and path have led us there, it’s where we need to be.

Today, I will participate in life to the best of my ability. Regardless of the outcome, that makes me a winner.

Today, I will participate in life to the best of my ability. Regardless of the outcome, that makes me a winner.

I love that ~ just the ability to participate and try makes us stronger!!

hope everyone has a good day ~

we had another emotional nite last nite ~ our Sunshine was consumed with what would happen if her dad remarried - finally after not being able to comfort her I just said why are your borrowing tomorrow's problems ~ your Dad doesn't even have a girlfriend? why worry about something that may never even happen ~
I probably wasn't as compassionate with her as I have been but she just kept on and on about it
it was crazy obsessive ~
I wanted to tell her it wouldn't matter - there was no way she could live with him any way because he doesn't want her to ~
but she's not ready to hear that
she's only 8 I reminded myself ~
I just told her that Dad would never marry someone that didn't love her completely and to not believe everything that she watches on TV about step-moms being mean.
Today, I am too old & too tired to do this ~

Oh Ms Pink I'd give you a hug if I were standing there right now :grouphug:

thanks Chino ~

((Rita)) - :ghug3 I remember being a bit older than ((sunshine)) when I got obsessed with divorce. I'd found a letter my dad wrote mom in the trash, he was leaving and though THEY got over whatever happened just fine, I was a wreck and never mentioned it to them. I'm sorry she obsessed about it, but I am glad she did tell you what was on her mind.

Dad had his tests but won't know results until next Fri., I guess, when he goes back. They did the medicine injection rather than have him walk on a treadmill.

Rough night:( My sweet Southern Belle client has a temper and I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster for 4 hours. She was tearful, then angry, then crying "I just want to go home" when we are IN her home. Had to call her sister twice, she came over at 10 to make Ms. D take her ativan then Ms. D was worried that she'd caused so many "problems".

I reassured Ms. D that she didnt' hurt my feelings, she didn't make me mad, I'd be back in 2 days tickled pink to see her. Walked her daughter next door to her house...she and her other sisters are exhausted and this is breaking their hearts. She kept apologizing to me, and I just told her "I've now seen another side of her, and just have to figure what works with her...I did it with my other client, and it will be fine. *I* am fine".

I came home and told dad if he EVER said a "thank you" prayer to HP, he needed to say one RIGHT NOW that his mom/my g'ma is not suffering from Alzheimer's.

I've got to get up early, but it's supposed to be a client I will thoroughly enjoy, according to his regular caregiver, then 4 hours with Mr. D. Going to get a big book of easy crossword puzzles for him and I to work on and a ball to play with the dog in the back yard from the dollar store:)

Definitely reaching into my codie recovery tools, lately, but I'm not obsessing over my clients when I'm not there, something I did do as a nurse, so I think that's improvement:)

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Sending lots of hugs and prayers to Rita and Sunshine. MsPink, I hope you are taking good care of yourself and replenishing your well.

Amy :hug:

The Language of Letting Go
January 11, 2013

Letting Go of Guilt

“There’s a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use,” said one recovering woman. “The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing.”

It’s imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.

Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.

Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people’s best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.

We don’t have to let others count on the fact that we’ll always feel guilty. We don’t have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt – earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another’s issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.

Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.

Evening everyone,

I have to laugh because talk about dysfunction I am watching a movie on Lifetime Liz & Dick. The life of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton and her other umpteen husbands. lol Lindsay Lohan who is a bit of a train wreck herself is playing Liz Taylor.

Me and my sister who I was talking with daily all of a sudden haven't been talking again. Not sure what I did this time but it has been since New Years. I have tried calling and e mailing her & nothing. I am willing to bet she has been buddy buddy with my brother & his wife who have had a problem with me since my mom passed away 3 years ago. I just can't let all these people rent space in my head but easier said than done.

Rita I think how you handled the talk with little Miss Sunshine was appropriate. Sometimes even at 8 years old the truth needs to be told so she can live a life in reality and not in the fantasy of what she wants it to be. Anyway just my little 2 cents worth lol

Amy sounds like Dad is holding his own which is good because it sounds like your plate is more than full with work. I love hearing your stories of Mrs D and the others. It takes me back to when I was doing that kind of work.

Lily & Chino hope all is well in your worlds?

Going to hit the hay after I do my postings at midnight. Night Night

The Language of Letting Go
January 12, 2013

Finding Balance

The goal of recovery is balance – that precious middle ground.

Many of us have gone from one extreme to another: years of taking care of everyone but ourselves, followed by a time of refusing to focus on anyone’s needs but our own.

We may have spent years refusing to identify, feel, and deal with our feelings, followed by a period of absolute obsession with every trace of emotional energy that passes through our body.

We may succumb to powerlessness, helplessness, and victimization, then we swing to the other extreme by aggressively wielding power over those around us.

We can learn to give to others while taking responsibility for ourselves. We can learn to take care of our feelings, as well as our physical, mental, and spiritual needs. We can nurture the quiet confidence of owning our power as equals in our relationships with others.

The goal of recovery is balance, but sometimes we get there by going to extremes.

Today, I will be gentle with myself, understanding that sometimes to reach the middle ground of balance, I need to explore the peaks and valleys. Sometimes, the only way I can extricate myself from a valley is to jump high enough to land on a peak, and then slowly ease myself down.