Class of June 10-Part 6
 

Thanks everyone for sharing on the previous thread..:yup:

Here is the link to that section

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-5-a-17.html

Please keep sharing on your fresh page...:)

So I'm FIRST on the new page!!! Cool! I'm glad we made it to another page!

Beth, you are right that it's okay for me to be a little boring. It sure is better than that "What on God's Earth did I do last night?" feeling that I hope I never have to experience again. I really like knowing everything I did the night before. I was having gaps in my memory the last few times I drank and they were getting worse.

The kicker for me was the hangovers, which I think were turning into more serious withdrawals. I couldn't believe what I had done to myself that last time and that was the kick in the gut that I needed.

Sooooooo... things are relatively good! We are not going to that amusement park as I had planned. I looked at the cost of the entrance tickets and it would cost a small fortune to take my whole family there for a day. Forget it. Instead, I'm going to yoga this morning then going to tackle my bills and other stuff around the house. Maybe a trip to the pool with my kids. Lately only one of my kids likes going to the pool and I'm not sure what to do about that. My older son is my pool buddy and it's kind of fun going with him, though I wish my daughter and younger son would like to join us at times.

Anyhow, Happy 4th to everyone. I'm going to lay low today!

Good Morning,

I got a little more sleep today maybe it will help, all though waking up exhausted everyday is a horrible way to start the day. Hopefully the fog will clear in my body in head as the day wears on. When DD was in Atl she swam for the first time Laura. She had so much fun, my sister has her own pool and my best friend has her own pool, so that was convenient.

I cannot wait until I am able to start doing more things with her. Right now I am just doing enough with her to get by. I hate that. I just don't have the energy yet. It's Pathetic.

OK I am going to go muster up some Positive Mental Attitude!

PS- Laura I laughed at your "What on God's Earth did I do last night" comment. How about waking up and looking at your phone to see who you called the night before. That usually involves 1 or more ex's. It is horrifying! Ha we should talk about 1 negative way drinking affected us everyday!

Anyway have a good 4th :)

DAY 9

Ha ha... that got a laugh out of me, Beth!

We should definitely remind ourselves of the stuff we did while drunk. I am not proud of any of it. I started a journal this month and I actually printed out drunken emails to ex-boyfriends and taped them in the journal as a reminder that this is not a place I want to go. I just remember the feeling of "No, no, no!!! I didn't say that, did I??? UGHHHHH!!!" Let's not go back there again, but really good to keep it fresh in our memories.

The clouds are coming in so I'm not sure if we'll get to the pool. I got some groceries, so maybe we'll just hang out and have some watermelon, veggies and snacks. Later all!

Fourth of July craving....

So all this time we have been doing this (8 days?), Beth, I haven't had one craving... until tonight!!! (Don't worry, I did not drink.)

Here's what happened. I took my dog for a walk in the early evening and saw two of my neighbors sitting outside relaxing and drinking (some sort of alcoholic drink, maybe wine, PIMS, I don't know). They invited me to join them and I said, "No, I'm good." And the older woman was like, "Okay, you're good?" I have no idea what she thought I meant by that but oh well. But they looked so peaceful and relaxed sitting outside and sipping drinks, getting buzzed and happy, that it planted the idea in my head. The craving hit hard and fast, very powerful. For a while it was very intense, maybe a 9 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the most powerful.

I then used every reason I could come up with to fight the craving (including not sabotaging everything I've done so far, how disappointed I would be with myself for caving, how I wanted to go for a run in the morning and it probably wouldn't be possible if I drank, how I didn't want to write embarrassing emails to ex-boyfriends anymore, etc. ) And somehow I noticed the craving slowing down and subsiding. I had to pick up a pizza at a nearby store for my kids for dinner and there is a wine store right next to the pizza place. But I just got the pizza and left, and somehow felt a sense of accomplishment for getting through this. I had some pizza, diet pepsi and watermelon and the craving passed.

It's all that danger zone time of day for me -- right before dinner when I'm hungry -- that the cravings hit. And of course it's not everyday, thank god, just once in a while. I know you get stronger and stronger over time every time you resist a craving and keep yourself in the cycle if you give in, so one step in the right direction for me tonight.

I really didn't expect that to happen as I was just coasting along in sobriety up until tonight. I guess it can hit unexpectedly and can hit hard. I'm happy I didn't make the other choice.

Tomorrow night I have my SMART weekly meeting. I'm ready for it. I hope my parents can babysit again. I really need to go.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

Hey Laura, I am glad you fought the urge to drink. Hunger has always been a trigger for me. You did the right thing. Maybe you should eat right before the danger zone from now on and see if that helps with the cravings. Plus keep up with your SMART meetings, they seem to help you. Glad you ended up having a sober day! Whew! Good going!

I am going to go to AA to help me this time. I really have felt crappy lately, I don't think about fixing it with alcohol..yet. I am pretty sure I can go at least a few months sober, because I have gotten up to 4 months. I really just don't think I was sure I had to quit before. I absolutely know I can't ever drink alcohol again, and I am going to do everything I can to protect myself from relapsing. AA seems a good place for me, because I have to stop isolating myself, I think it's a trigger for me. This time I will go. Hopefully this week if I can get some sleep. I have a no fear of relapse, well anytime soon that is. I am taking baby steps right now, I will get there. I hope you make it this time too Laura. We are on day 9. Double digits tomorrow:)

I hear the fireworks starting... I have a feeling it's going to be a long night...

Talk tomorrow take care:)

DAY 9

Thanks, Beth. Yeah, I'm glad I made it, too. I would be kicking myself right now if I gave in to that nasty little craving. The thing is, the cravings DO pass. You just have to wait them out. Easier said than done when they are as intense as mine was tonight -- but Fourth of July weekend, everyone partying and having fun -- it's tough. We did it, though, didn't we!

I hope you get some sleep tonight, Beth. I haven't been sleeping well lately either and I think it's because I've been drinking too much caffeine (diet coke). Need to cut back, especially later in the day. It could be a LOT worse, though. I'd rather be wired on too much caffeine than drunk on wine.

Anyhow, I think I'll pop a melatonin to try to calm down and sleep. Phew... holiday weekend over.

Good Morning all, I feel much better today:) I didn't get a lot of sleep but I feel better. I ate a lot of carbs yesterday, maybe that's why I have more energy? Oh well who knows? I am grateful.

I am not sure what we are going to do today. We shall see where the day takes us.

DAY 10

Hi all..

One of my favorite acronyms in recovery is HALT...we never need to get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Although I truly do not crave alcohol anymore, nor am I tempted, I still can get in a snarky mood if I don't HALT.

I heard an expression that really stuck with me about relapsing, it was when we drink again we remember only the take off, but, not the landing. That really hit home for me, as I could remember that first drink and savor it. But, I know it will never stop at one,
and the landing was always rough.

Beth, AA has literally saved my life. It has provided me with a connection with people I had been missing and trying to fill with alcohol.

Glad to hear everyone survived the 4th, safe and sober!

That's a good analogy, Anew. Yeah, the takeoff is usually just fine -- it's the landing that is rough. A good thought. I also like to think about how the wine tastes good when I first drink it, but it doesn't taste so good the next day when I'm vomiting it up. Sorry to be gross, but that was usually the case for me.

Beth, double digits. *****! That is a milestone.

I'm off to work for a bit and hope to make it to my meeting tonight. It's all dependent on the child care -- keep your fingers crossed for me.

Have a great Tuesday!!!

Hi all, just checking in, today was a so so day, I wasn't drop dead tired so that's good. I got little done but with a much better attitude. I almost went to an all female AA meeting this afternoon, but am still not quite there. Almost though, I just have to plan a little better. I will get there. I am starting to get a little better, I think I have finally turned the corner. I sure hope so, because I feel imprisoned by my exhaustion and I am sure it hasn't been much fun for dd either. I have so much I want to do with her and I haven't been physically or mentally able to lately. I pray I am finally getting back to the good sober me.

Laura, fingers crossed, I hope you made it to your meeting:)

Anew, I believe you, and you're one of the reasons I am going to give AA a try. I trust what you have to say, because you have been in my shoes:)

Have a good night:)

DAY 10

Hi Beth, Anew... and everyone else!

I had a pretty good day. Kind of relaxed, which was nice for a change. I took my daughter to the ortho this morning and went into the office this afternoon and had kind of laid back but productive 1/2 day at work.

I DID GO TO MY MEETING!!! My Mom is awesome. She had forgotten it was Tuesday and that I needed help to get to my meeting, so I called and asked her. She came right over and I got to go. I'm so glad. I have to say it was useful, very useful, even just listening to the other people talk. I get a lot out of just listening. I did get to share near the end and told everyone about that craving I had on the Fourth of July. I got a lot of support and encouragement for using good techniques (right from the SMART handbook) to get through it without drinking. The face to face meetings can be very powerful for encouragement (and support when you're down!)

Okay, onto Day.... 11, I think?

Good morning!! I had a really good sleep and awesome wild dreams. One involving a different ex-boyfriend! It was GOOOOD!!! Can I live vicariously through my dreams at the moment? ;)

I have to get up and get to work... so I will check in later!

Hey good morning! I finally got some good deep, sleep. DD didn't wake me up once. I am now on the warpath to get this house cleaned and organized! I am glad you made it to your meeting Laura. Today is going to be great!!!!

Have a wonderful day guys!

DAY 11

Glad you guys made it through the 4th of July without picking up. I know when I started this journey about two years ago, I slipped over the 4th. Took a few months to get back on track and start my real recovery process. At that time I was still just trying to be sober instead of actually work on being recovered/recovering.

Congrats to you guys, Laura and Alex. It is much easier to keep going then to start over. :)

Laura...I am so glad to know that you are enjoying your SMART meetings. Finding the support we need, IMHO is crucial for sobriety.

Beth...It sounds like you are up and ready to go! You know, it was actually Laura's experience with AA, almost 2 years ago that helped me attend my first face to face meeting.

Isn't it wonderful to give and receive the support these boards offer!

All good here:)

NIght!

PS-Does anyone know if Dee is ok? I know he was taking breaks but this seems awfully long for him to be away.

DAY 11

Oh awesome I just saw that Dee posted today. I am so glad your all right Dee:)

Yeah, I was wondering where he was, too. Glad he's okay -- Hi Dee!

I like that expression, Bdiddy -- that it's easier to keep going than to start again. I'm going to remember that!

Anew, I had forgotten that you started AA after I shared my experiences here. That's great! You know, I did not have a bad experience at AA. I like people and I'm friendly to everyone, so I didn't have a hard time fitting in there. I didn't like when people asked for my phone number, and that seemed to be the culture there. I like to keep limits. I just found SMART more my cup of tea - and no one asks for your phone number! Well, it's all good as long as it helps us.

I'm doing great. I guess good things come to those who wait, because I got some good news today. My boss is making me a part time SALARIED employee, instead of hourly which I have been for the past 3 years. This is awesome for me. It means guaranteed hours, paid vacation, HEALTH INSURANCE (which I didn't have), dental, 401K, pension, bonus, profit sharing, and a whole slew of other things. I am very happy tonight.

I celebrated by going to a yoga class and then getting some Chiptole -- chicken bol burrito. And a diet coke :)

Have a wonderful night all!

Wow that is good news Laura! Congrats on that stress reliever! DAY 11 over and on to Day 12! Good Night:)