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Wow, this thread is going so fast..Im trying to catch up with you gals but I am struggling somehow in my recovery. That's why Im focusing on step work , going to meetings . It has been a rough week because of my codie issues. It seems I have to recover from codependency and addiction. I had to work step one again but this time powerlessness over issues other than drugs. It's really hard for me sometimes as I have a ery low self -esteem and take things personally. I oesnot accept rejection easily. These readings are helping me a lot. Im struggling in my relationships. I give too much, expect too much and when I dont get what I expected I turn extremely aggressive. My therapist said Im projecting my fears and problems on people. It's really hard for me. I grew up with a schizphrenic mom and this added the trust and attention seeking issues. These issues make my life extremely unmangeable. Im 6 months clean and still as unmanageable as before. I know it takes patience but Im looking foreward for the day when I will be able to deal with life lightly, not taking every thing so seriously. I feel I make mountains out of moles. Im extremely good at spreading chaus and fights wherever I go. But I am improving. This week I decided not to fight with anyone. I tried to be nice to my co-worker. I feel if I dont deal with my codependency and drug addiction tgether then it's a matter of time before I actually pick up. Thank you for starting this thread. |
Hi Jane, LOL, sometimes I think this thread goes so fast too! Good for you in recognizing that you need to deal with your codependency, as well as your addiction. I am a relative newcomer in codependency. I have been in recovery from addiction for quite awhile now, and it's only as I worked through some of those issues, that I realized I had been codependent long before I became an addict. It's an example of uncovering another layer in my life. I gave too much and expected too much too. I learned that it was a selfish way to live, even though I thought I was being selfless. I was only giving, in the hope of getting something in return. |
You are reading from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation Safety March 18 One of the long-term effects of living in a dysfunctional family - as children or adults - is that we don't feel safe. Much of what we call codependency happens because we don't feel safe in relationships. This can cause us to control, obsess, or focus on the other person, while neglecting ourselves or shutting down our feelings. We can learn to make ourselves feel safe and comfortable, as part of a nurturing, loving attitude toward ourselves. Often we get a gut feeling of safety and comfort when we attend Twelve Step Meetings or support groups. Being with a friend or doing something nice for ourselves helps us feel protected and loved. Sometimes, reaching out to another person helps us feel safe. Prayer and meditation help us affirm that our Higher Power cares for us. We are safe now. We can relax. Perhaps others haven't been there for us in a consistent, trustworthy way, but we are learning to be there for oursleves. Today, I will concentrate on making myself feel safe and comfortable. |
The first real experience of being there for myself that I can remember, when I was in my mid thirties, was choosing to do the work I needed to do with my mom to set myself free of her, by myself. It was not possible work on our relationship together, so I chose to give myself what she could not give me and set myself free of the toxicity of our relationship... This experience was so empowering for me.. ((Jane)) I, too, experienced addiction and recovery but have been a codie for as long as I can remember...just did not know it... July 15 will be 7 years sober, and three years ago, I began my true codie recovery program. I know now that my codie self was a big contributor to my drug addiction... We can all relate to giving too much and expecting too much...lol... and I, too, used to struggle with rejection.. Jane, I am glad you are here, on this journey with us, this journey of one day at a time.. |
((Jane)) - I, too, can totally relate to the giving/expecting too much. I will tell you that I think at 6 months into recovery, though I felt like I'd come a long way, there were days I thought "I'll NEVER get there....sigh". I am often amazed at how much I can see changes in myself from 6 months before...to this day. I still slip and slide, but overall I'm moving forward, just as you are. I haven't heard from the job yet, have been a bit on edge. Trying to convince myself that even if I don't hear, today, that doesn't mean it's a "no go"..have faith, relax, etc. I took a walk at the park, some guy was walking also and I talked to him for a minute and realized I am absolutely craving the meeting/working with people. I got home, had stayed out of a discussion dad/Brit had yesterday where voices were raised but he told me about it today. I STILL can't seem to keep my opinions to myself:( So, I said how I felt - Brit manipulates dad and stepmom, dad keeps doing the same things then complains when things don't turn out different, stepmom does her darndest to make sure Brit doesn't face any bad consequences, no matter what she does. I told him I'd appreciate he keep the conversation between us, that I was tired of all the drama and whatever they did....it was on them. Then I came back to my room and my hula hoop with Elvis. Tomorrow I drive to SC to get my stepbrother and his exgf/friend and bring them down for the weekend. I have to make sure she doesn't drink more than one beer, as she gets violent if she does. I told him, when I first made the arrangements, that there would be none of that here. So, I'm hangin' in there, back in my hula hoop. Oh, I finally applied for my passport, too. It will take 4-6 weeks, but at least IF dad gets a trip to Canada after that time, I'll be legal to go:) Hugs and prayers! Amy |
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
(Post 2545119)
I got home, had stayed out of a discussion dad/Brit had yesterday where voices were raised but he told me about it today. I STILL can't seem to keep my opinions to myself:( So, I said how I felt Then I came back to my room and my hula hoop with Elvis. So, I'm hangin' in there, back in my hula hoop. you have taken yourself out of the discussion and that is the important thing!....as you polish up your hula hoop, I think you will feel more at peace with letting go of sharing your opinions about Brit too... |
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation Staying Out Of The Middle March 19 "I don't want to get in the middle, but...." is a sign that we may have just stepped into the middle. We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people's issues, problems, or communication. We can let others take responsibility for themselves in their relationships. We can let them work out their issues with each other. Being a peacemaker does not mean we get in the middle. We are bearers of peace by staying peaceful ourselves and not harboring turmoil. We are peacemakers by not causing the extra chaos created when we get in the middle of other people's affairs and relationships. Don't get in the middle unless you want to be there. Today, I will refuse to accept any invitations to jump in the middle of others' affairs, issues, and relationships. I will trust others to work out their own affairs, including the ideas and feelings they want to communicate to each other. |
Omigosh, I went right off the charts this morning! Ick! Our sleeping arrangement involves 3 cats. I was so squished last night between the cats on one side and husband who was taking up more than his half of the bed, on the other side. Oh...and did I mention snoring (his allergies have kicked in). I was up and down a dozen times and finally fell asleep on the sofa at about 4:30 for a couple of hours. When I told him what had happened, he looked at me, expressionless and said in a distracted monotone, 'That's too bad' and off he went. Well, I proceeded to tell him that he needs to figure out how to show some kind of emotion. Wonderful, right, especially since we've been married 36 years and he does not express emotion, ever. And, I know this. But, this morning I was determined to convince him that he must do that. :wild :wild Of course, now I feel like an idiot. Well, I suppose the day can only get better from here. |
aww, Anna...too funny..lol.....as long as we have our sense of humor, we're okay, I say...but what a night, especially if you have to work today...I always said if or when I got married the bed would have to be the king size variety so I could get my good sleep! oh, and ear plugs, blessed ear plugs... |
Thanks Grateful, and I'm taking it easy today, thankfully. I love the earplugs idea, must try that. And, I would LOVE a king-size bed. We have queen-size, but that's the largest our bedroom will hold. I know I did everything wrong during the night. I was up and down TOO often, getting more agitated all the time, I wandered around the apartment instead of trying to distract myself with something on TV. And, in the end I pouted because my husband could sleep 8 full hours, standing up, fully dressed. :headbange |
Defiant kid is back to her old ways... with a fury. She's being horrible, demanding, hateful, rude, selfish, argumentative, and always listing my faults as if that negates her own faults. I'm trying my best to ignore it, and her, but sometimes I just come home and cry from rage. :gaah She's starting to miss school when she's not sick, just doesn't want to go. She's got an in-school-suspension for her unexcused absences now. She not learning anything good living with her older sister cause sister is just as irresponsible and selfish and demanding and blaming as dk is... both cut out of the same piece of cloth. Both sweet as pie when they get their own way and mean as b!tches from hell when they don't get what they want/think they deserve.:gaah This is how I feel when dealing with them, especially with dk: :a043: (she's the one with the club, I'm the one getting beat up) |
Originally Posted by Anna
(Post 2545802)
my husband could sleep 8 full hours, standing up, fully dressed. :headbange Anna, I have researched every earplug out there and the most comfortable and effective ones are the ones that are florescent yellow at one end and florescent orange at the other and conical in shape... |
Thanks Grateful, I'll head out this evening looking for some. Least, have you tried talking with school counsellors about the fact that your daughter is missing school? |
Yes, I have. That's why she's got an in school suspension. I've asked the guidance counselor to speak sharply to her about her missing school and missing the bus and getting to school late and all that...:gaah |
Everyone, Amy has asked me to share her good news here as it will be hours before she returns to SR and to thank you all, for your prayers and support that have kept her going.. Today, she got the job that she had applied for two days ago!!!! ((((Least)))) |
must be in the stars today, I am restless irritable and discontent myself. I am off to a corner of paradise in hopes to be left alone to work on art, meditate and soak. |
((((Gyps)))) |
(((Gypsy))) (((Amy))) |
That's great news Amy!!:scoregood What a difference a few hours makes. Dk has to work 9am to 3pm tomorrow.... and she's going to walk there and back!! (unless it rains or snows) I think she's just too tight with her money to give me my paltry gasoline contribution.:wild The exercise will do her good! The forecast is for cloudy but no rain! Good! |
curiouser and curiouser. I DO like the piece I started today though. If I can make words to type I'll fill ya'll in sometime, hugzzzzzzzz |
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