Living in Sobriety Part 7
 

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I met with my sponsor last week and I was like, "right, step 4, let's go!" because the book says to do it right after step 3, right?

He suggested it might be better to work and absorb step 3 for a little longer and I agreed with him....however, mentally I have kind of begun step 4. I have been going through a few of things I will put on the list in my mind.
I don't really think that is it though, I go weird every 30 days, roughly, and it is usually the precursor to the thought "I will have a little drink, it will be different this time" (alcoholic insanity).

How perfect, a new beginning of Living in Sobriety.

Hi folks. Good sharing again. I got nothing to add. I'm just cleaning up today doing laundry and paying bills. Taking action like this is what I need right now because I'm a bit off the rails myself, mentally. Nothing to get concerned about, so far. I'm doing what needs to be done, so that's good.

Well you keep the same mind set that just about every 30 days you go weird and by thinking of that subconsciencely you might be doing it to yourself. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Why don't you put that out of your mind? When I am falling backwards I can keep going or I can change. I choose to change, I don't like feeling like sh*t anymore. Before when I posted about that dead bird, I always believed that a dead bird outside your door means death of a loved one, I even looked it up on the internet and that's what it said was the meaning of it. I started thinking about it and I could feel myself getting swallowed up in it, but you know what, if that's what it is, then I can't prevent it. I can only move forward and hope I am wrong.

Yeah I was looking at my bills this morning, started to freak out but there is nothing right now I can do about them. I am forcing positive thinking into my head today, and by golly it seems to be working.

No, it just happens. I am not doing it to myself, 30 days is just an average, it can happen at any time. Last time it was more like two months.

Hi Ro. :hug:

And a dead bird just means a bird died. :)

That is how I would describe how I feel too, Ro. I am glad you are doing what needs to be done for you to cope, don't forget to treat yourself too, if you can.
For example, I just got a pizza delivered. :)

My son just got home, Thank You Jesus!! We spoke and he told me that was from 4 years ago. He said he even forgot about it otherwise he would have gotten rid of it, but I told him God wanted me to find it. I told him if he ever felt like that again that he could always come to me and tell me, that nothing, absolutely nothing is worth taking your precious life over. I also told him he is part of my heart and that if he ever took his life he would take a big part of mine with him and I would never heal. I am finally breathing a sigh of relief.
He also told me not to mow the lawn anymore that he worked it out with a kid who does lawns and he will be coming over to mow once a week. Yippee!!!!

Wonderful news about your son, Donna. :hug:

Yes it is, thank you Stone.

yeah that's great about your son - the note was from 4 years ago, and that he arranged to have someone mow the lawn. Isn't that awesome?

Dang I should have just ignored my bills but I went and paid them. Now I have very little money to tide me over. I wonder if I should take one back - I wonder if I still can - just to give me a little breathing room.

House is clean, laundry nearly done. I waiting too long to eat but am doing so now.

Sister just picked up all the kids, mine included. I'm back to work in the morning so Sar will spend a couple of days with them. Nice break but boy it's quiet.

I'm going to finish my soup then do a meditation/tapping technique that my sponsee sent me it's a you tube thing - maybe I'll grab it and stick it here. It takes about 15-20 minutes but it helped me the last time so why not? Gonna lay low rest of day maybe bathe later hit bed early etc. Mood is low and I'm a bit depressed which is weird given the dose of my meds. Weird indeed.

I just remembered I see my crisis worker and new pdoc this week so that's good. Whew.

Hi Ro, yes please post the thing. :)

That's the short version. i'll get the other one it's got more points.

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Okay

That's what I need to start doing. I use to do it in rehab but I have alot of difficulty meditating here. I need to check out some techniques, because I sure could use them.

That message really irks me!!!

Thanks for the short cut Ro, I am going to check it out.

I'm glad you have crisis worker and new pdoc this week. I hope they get these meds corrected so you don't have to deal with this so much.

That's good your daughter is going to your sis's for a few days, sometimes we just need that down time alone, and with you going back to work, its probably good right now.