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(((Lisa))) About a year after I left home for college I started distancing myself from my folks, I had other priorities and theirs for me were getting in the way. I was busy exploring, busy experimenting with drugs, busy with my own life and I didn't have much time for them. On the contrary, I wanted them to leave me alone so I could do my own thing. I imagine some of that is normal at that time of life but in some cases, it's taken to a hurtful, possibly harmful, extreme. My folks did try to guilt me back, mostly by letting me know how hurt they were that I wasn't keeping in touch. That only pushed me away farther because then I wanted to also avoid that feeling of guilt. It took quite a few years of growing up, on both their and my part, to start to come together again. I maintained a 20 year drug habit that compelled me to isolate myself from most everyone, especially my folks, and the guilt I felt from them, and from not doing the right thing with that. The best thing they did was to back off and let me come to them. They always, always let me know I could come to them, they'd be there, with loving open arms. And so they have always been! They don't remind me how I was a "bad daughter", they don't remind me how much I hurt them, they don't guilt me into anything anymore. And you know, we're closer than ever. I've come to appreciate their ways, and they've come to respect mine. We respect each other's time and space and in the process have come to realize what a wonderful thing we have in one another. I encourage you to continue on with what you're doing, be patient, loving, open to listen, but not push, and don't impose guilt. She'll come around eventually, because she'll have everything to come around back to. Just love her, and she'll know. And she'll come to be able to give that again in return. Peace, Lisa. |
((Lisa)) I, did the same, when I was young. I moved out when I was 18...was working 2 jobs, going to school, and though I DID call home, it wasn't as often as mom would have liked:) As I got older, the calls became more frequent, mainly because mom would just tell me what was going on in their lives, update me on the extended family and ask me about my life. If she had "guilted me", I would have rebelled and not called for a while...that's just the way I am. Of course, what young people perceive as "guilting" may be a perfectly innocent question:c002: Now, because of my schedule, I rarely SEE dad, even though we live in the same house, so we usually talk, by phone, every day. When all the stuff went on with stepmom, I didn't call him and I can tell that bothered him. Now, we're back to talking, but not every day. I'm trying to regain my independence and keep my boundaries with him and stepmom. It's one of those "learn as you go" things. Hugs and prayers! Amy |
You are reading from The language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie March 11 Letting Go of Confusion Sometimes, the way out is not clear. Our minds get clouded, confused. We aren't certain what our next step should be, what it will look like, what direction we are headed. That is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Wait. Feel the confusion and chaos, then let it go. The path will show itself. The next step shall be revealed. we don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust. Today, I will wait if the way is not clear. I will trust that out of the chaos will come clarity. |
Thank you so much=) My first response was to "ya but, but, but" I know you are right. I worry for her, she is in full party girl mode I think, but it is her path to walk. Good night all, (or good morning as the case may be). The reading for the 11th is again profound, thank you g2b for the thread |
(((Lisa))) - I've figured out that when I say "yeah, but" it just means that I may agree with what's being said, but may not be quite ready to accept it...and that's okay. Sweet dreams! Hugs and prayers! Amy |
Originally Posted by grateful2b
(Post 2143948)
Sometimes, the way out is not clear. Our minds get clouded, confused. We aren't certain what our next step should be, what it will look like, what direction we are headed. :ghug Hope everyone had a good night. I'm having a bit of an issue with a dear friend who seems displeased that I am planning on getting married. She and her husband give me the impression that I should not because I am in school right now and are concerned that I will turn away from my goal. I have assured them that my education is a priority, and if they understood how simple the whole thing will be (heck, I found a dress I like for $65 on-line!), then perhaps they will be reassured..... Hugs, HG |
Lisa, The advice from Amy and Lisa about your daughter is right on. Just be there and pray, and she will come back to you. Time works wonders on relationships and sometimes it's the only thing we have. I have often found myself in the clouded chaos and obsessed with finding answers to the problems I had. I would search in every direction and end up nowhere. It would be at a point when I was exhausted that I would stop and breathe, and very soon, things would fall into place. |
((Anna)) - I SOOO know what you mean about being obsessed with finding the answers to a problem. It is only when I've exhausted every possibility, and STILL don't have an answer that I usually just give up. Amazingly, that is when things seem to work out for the best. I'm getting better at not doing the obsessing, but I have a long, long way to go. I've been "discussing" the work situation with myself, all day. It hasn't done a darned bit of good:) Now that I'm home, I'm just going to distract myself and refuse to think about it. Hugs and prayers! Amy |
DeVon really started to relapse back into codie-land today, and I was having such a good day! :lmao Leave it up to my 20 year old to throw me a curve ball. Argh! |
(((DeVon))) - at least we know the way OUT of codieland, these days:) Back in the day, I thought there wasn't an exit! Hugs and prayers! Amy |
I have not been posting much apart from Language because things are moving very quickly with my mom and we are trying at this point to get her into a Palliative care facility... and it is taking most of my focus right now.. ((Amy)) good for you!..distraction is 9/10 of the Law:lmao .......sometimes its all we can do... aww, (( Dev))..... hard balls are a stinker...! |
(((Grateful))) - big hugs and prayers, sweetie. Remember...taking care of YOU is priority one. |
Grateful, It really does seem like this situation with your mother is moving at a great speed. I'm sure it must be difficult to process it all and to keep up. I continue to pray that your mother is feeling peace and also for you and your family. DeVon, don't let the 20 year old get you down. We're here for you. And, Amy, I was so much in denial, I didn't even know I was in Codie land, never mind beginning to look for the exit. How great it is, that we are all here on this journey and sharing our bits of knowledge and our struggles. |
thanks Amy:hug:...I am doing really good taking care of me, no worries... I know how to delegate:lmao but my siblings are being amazing... and everyone is working together to ensure mom's best care... I have a medical background and because I went through this with Dad.. they(siblings) are doing all the legwork and consulting with me on how to move through this and advocate on mom's behalf with the Doctors.... so I am really being supported around my health issues.. |
((Grateful)) thinking about you, like Amy said remember to take care of yourself....:c015: It has taken me many years to finally realize what my problem has been, that is being a codie...my life would have been alot different if I understood this years ago. But I believe it has all worked out the way it was suppose to. I am grateful I am learning to take care of myself now..... |
Grateful, I am so glad your siblings are part of a team in this effort! :ghug :ghug I'll vent here shortly I'm sure. I'm in the midst of creating call lists for my AA group as we ran out last meeting with several newcomers present, and I need to have them done for tonight! |
Thanks, everyone, your words are a comfort to me..! yes, Dev..it is wonderful to see my family pulling together in this way....(vent away, eh!!:D) |
Originally Posted by grateful2b
(Post 2144984)
I have not been posting much apart from Language because things are moving very quickly with my mom and we are trying at this point to get her into a Palliative care facility... and it is taking most of my focus right now.. ((Amy)) good for you!..distraction is 9/10 of the Law:lmao .......sometimes its all we can do... aww, (( Dev))..... hard balls are a stinker...! |
Grateful, I think it's wonderful that your family is working together to help your Mom. So, often, at these times of crisis, families end up bickering. |
Hard Balls don't sound like they would be pleasant either:e058: I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but hospice was a life saver for me g2b. I lived with my grand dad the last year of his life, he had end stage alzheimers and when we called them in, I had a charge nurse, a hygiene aid, a pastor, a shrink, and a case manager on call 24/7 for free. They brought us equipment, meds, and counseled the whole family on what to expect at the end. Good luck to you honey Devon hang in there, I hear it gets better=) I too never heard of codie really, I thought trying to save the world made me worthwhile. . .haha |
yes, Anna, it is...and the truth is when my Dad was fighting his battle with cancer, the family dynamic was very different... and I think people have learned some things from that possibly, and of course it is twenty years later... Lisa, I was my Dad's palliative care...and hospice was an incredible support for me...I cannot do this for mom this time round, and no one else in the family is able to, so she will go into a palliative care facility near me that I am familiar with...and they are simply amazing, and wonderful with the families! |
((((((((Grateful))))))), I'm so glad to hear that your sibs are helping out and that everyone is working as a team! Palliative care facilities can be such a support. They were when my former FIL was losing his battle with ALS. Prayers for you and your family! (((Amy))) I hope that today is good! (((Anna))) So....certain family crises have become "airing of grievances" and "feats of strength" in your house, too?! Good times, right? (((DeVon))) Sorry to hear that the young'un is being a codie trigger! Just remember that we are here for the venting! Hugs to you all! Hope the morning is bright and the coffee is not bitter!!! HG |
Awesome to hear gtb. Hope you all have a smashing Thursday (or Friday for you kiwis and such living in the future). |
You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie March 12 Timing If we could untangle the mysteries of life and unravel the energies which run through the world; if we could evaluate correctly the significance of passing events; if we could measure the struggles, dilemmas, and aspirations of mankind, we could find that nothing is born out of time. Everything comes at its appointed time. - Joseph R. Sizoo Timing can be frustrating. We can wait and wait for something to happen, and it seems to be forever until it comes to pass. Or, suddenly, an event or circumstance is thrust upon us, catching us by surprise. Believing that things happen too slowly or too quickly is an illusion. Timing is perfect. Today, I will trust and work with Divine Order. I will accept the timing in my life today and in my past as being perfect. |
I've learned, the hard way, that things really do happen when they're supposed to. Things I've thought I wanted RIGHT NOW, and didn't get...well, further down the road, I could see why it was not meant for me to get it then. That doesn't mean I still don't want things when I want them:) It just means that I tell myself "I'm right where I'm supposed to be, and things are happening the way they're supposed to"....a LOT! If I had gotten things MY way, I'd have been in a mess, later on down the road. I finally got all my paperwork organized, last night. I've been putting this off for over a year...have just had boxes of paperwork, and had to go through everything when I wanted to find something. Finally got frustrated enough and filed it all in the handy-dandy file box I've had for over a month, maybe 2. I can now go pay off my court fines, today (since I found the paperwork), get an updated copy of my criminal background and followup on the feony, and call the GA dept. of revenue and raise he!! about the money they say I owe, that I don't....3 things that have stressed me, all of my own doing! I'm going out to do more stores, and it's supposed to rain, but that's okay. Got up, fixed myself a bowl of cereal and toast. Elvis and Mots drank most of the milk in my cereal and tried to lick the butter off my toast:( Spoiled rotten cats!! Hope everyone has a good day! Hugs and prayers! Amy |
I truly believe that everything that comes my way has perfect timing..:) For me it is an extension of my belief that its all in God's time,... not my time... and if the purpose is not clear, it will be soon enough.. I have seen enough countless times in my life, when His timing was so much better than mine:D! and so perfect... |
Amy, glad you found your papers and you're all straightened away! that inspires me to take one more dig in the locker in the basement to find the ones I've been looking for(Taxtime). Its gonna be physically challenging , so I have been putting it off:D...but I am going to do it today!! |
Just sending out hugs to everyone today. My 'vent' is small change compared to your current stuff, Grateful. I'll just say my new eyeglasses are in, and I am hoping my stomach settles enough for a road trip today to get them (youngest daughter was very sick day before last and I am praying I don't have the same thing). :ghug :ghug :ghug |
((DeVon))) - it doesn't matter whether a vent is "small" or "big"...we're here for them all. I, too, hope you don't have the same stuff your daughter had. Everyone had the flu, in my house, except me:) I threatened their lives if they breathed on me!!! Hugs and prayers! Amy |
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
(Post 2145788)
((DeVon))) - it doesn't matter whether a vent is "small" or "big"...we're here for them all. I, too, hope you don't have the same stuff your daughter had. Everyone had the flu, in my house, except me:) I threatened their lives if they breathed on me!!! Hugs and prayers! Amy ((Dev)) hope you managed to escape the bug:hug: |
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