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HG))) Many years ago..I was freaking out about Thanksgiving dinner! lol If everyone would get along..if the ones who would bring wine would offend my parents who tee totalled, (Alcoholism had not reared it's ugly head way back then..I had not started my drinking career, and was still married) I was beside myself. My therapist introduced me to the term.."catastrophic thinking" and told me to invite everyone. And..to enjoy everyone, and allow everyone to enjoy themselves. The dinner was a success. Everyone showed up..even the wine.. but except for a few comments after..everyone did have a great time. And I didn't have a meltdown. lol :hug: Today's reading.. all of it. Is precious. I'd like to memorize this and make it a part of my 11th Step meditation for awhile.. "Today, God, help me become willing to let go of the old beliefs and feelings that may be hurting me. Gently take them from me and replace them with new beliefs and feelings. I do deserve the best life and love have to offer. Help me believe that." __________________ Hugs for everyone here. :ghug2: |
((HG)) - I call it "what-if"ing myself...and I can get totally wrapped up in it, if I let myself. It takes a conscious effort to get myself back into "is this something I need to worry about TODAY?"...usually NOT! ((Sandy)) - I'm glad your dad is going to take you. My family has been giving me LOTS to work on in codie lessons, lately, but the great people here have been a tremendous help. Amazingly, the more I work on my codie stuff, it helps my addiction recovery, too. I got a good night's sleep and am mentally motivated to go back to work. I was telling Anvil how just the little act of getting my ears pierced has made me feel so much better, so I need to pay attention...doing things for me, IS important. I can tell everyone ELSE to do that, but obviously, haven't been taking my own advice:) Stepmom had just gone back to bed...sigh. Brit just came in, wanted to borrow $10 until dad got home and paid me back. Told her I put all my money in the bank yesterday. Sorry, but the "bank of Amy" is closed, today. If she needs the money, stepmom can go get it for her. I loved today's reading...exactly what I needed to "hear". Hugs and prayers! Amy |
((Sandy)) glad you found this place too and look forward to your sharing with us. ((Storm)) ((Amy))I really love today's reading too. That is a good idea about making it part of your 11step prayer... ((HG)) ((Anna) I have a hard time with worrying ahead of time too. For me it's like I want to control what is going to happen. I have no control what other people are going to do..and I usually end up making myself sick with worry for nothing. |
I'm off to work, but having one of those days where I'm feeling pretty helpless. I have four friends, here at SR, who are really struggling...((Grateful)), one with addiction, one with health problems and one is losing her twins at 27 weeks and dealing with cancer. I KNOW I can't do anything but pray, but darn it, it hurts my heart! Hugs and prayers! Amy |
(((Impurfect))) Sending prayers for everyone.:praying Just knowing you care will help them alot. |
You are reading from the Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie MARCH 21 CONSIDERING COMMITMENT Pay attention to your commitments. While many of us fear committing, its good to weigh the cost of any commitment we are considering. We need to feel consistently positive that it's an appropriate commitment for us. Many of us have a history of jumping--leaping headfirst--into commitments without weighing the cost and the posible consequenxes of that particular commitment. When we get in, we find that we do not really want to commit, and feel trapped. Some of us may become afraid of losing out on a particular opportunity if we don't commit. It is true that we will lose out on certain opportunities if we are unwilling to commit. We still need to weigh the commitment. We still need to become clear about whether that commitment seems right for us. If it isn't, we need to be direct and honest with others and ourselves. Be patient. Do some soul searching. Wait for a clear answer. We need to make our commitments not in urgency or panic but in quiet confidence that what we are committing to is right for us. If something within says no, find the courage to trust that voice. This is not our last chance. It is not the only opportunity we'll ever have. Don't panic. We don't have to commit to what isn't right for us, even if we try to tell ourselves it should be right for us and we should commit. Often, we cantrust our intuitive sense more than we can trustour intellect about commitments. In the excitment of making a commitment and beginning, we may overlook the realities of the middle. That is what we need to consider. We don't have to commit out of urgency, impulsivity, or fear. We are entitled to ask, Will this be good for me? We are entitled to ask if this commitment feels right. Today God, guide me in making my commitments. Help me say yes to what is in my highest good, and no to what isn't. I will give serious consideration before I commit myself to any activity or person. I will take the time to consider if the commitment is really what I want. |
This is so apt for me..... Complex issues....no instant solution...maybe no solution for now...but in true alkie style, I want it all sorted out into nice little "compartments"... Yet I know Life isn't like that... I know that what I need to do is to hand it all over...."in 'God's' time.... espresso get a grip! |
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
(Post 2156309)
(((IO))) - To have a friend, who will be your friend, no matter what, but can say "I need a little break" is a true gift. In my more codie days, I would have seen it as abandonment. Today, I see it more as trust, I guess. Trust that the relationship is strong enough to be honest with each other to say what we really need. So thank you for the thought Amy! I'm glad you found earrings you like, for you! This past week I, too, made a purchase for myself, for my house, something I almost never do. It's nice. A little wooden end table, so beautiful, so perfect for that spot. I look at it and it makes me happy. Something so simple as that. We need to be good to ourselves. I laughed at the "Bank of Amy" closure! Good for you! I've been out of the loop here for a few days, been so busy with the arrival of Spring! First truly warm days of the year this week sparked a flurry of springtime activities in the greenhouses, down barn way, and around the yard. So much to do, I'm so happy to do it! I love my home and business and the time it provides me to just do my thing. Grateful, your ma...I hope she, and you, are doing alright. OzSandy, it's good to hear of your progress. Like you, I didn't realize the love and care of family until I let them in, and then discovered it really was there. Addiction is very protective of itself. HG, that's a tough spot your in, regarding the worries about the finaces son. I hear you, and yet, I caution you to think it through to the end. What is the right thing to do, what will you look back on and see as a positive, the fact you didn't invite him and protected yourself, or that you did invite him and let him either succeed or fail on his own terms? What's the worst he could do, make an ass of himself and cause a scene? That won't reflect negatively on you or on anyone else other than him. And in the meantime, you keep peace in the family by inviting him. And better still, you no longer have to fret about it. It's out of your hands if you let it go. Oh I can see I'm talking a lot already. For now, becasue I fell behind, I just send a friendly hello greetings to everyone else writing here, Anna, Freedom, SG, IO Storm, Espresso, all you contribute is helpful and beautiful. Briefly, I want to mention a story of what's going on here. As you know I lost my beloved Theo bud dog nearly 3 weeks ago. A sad loss. I miss him. I toy with the idea of getting a new dog, but with all that's ongoing, the spring busy season and a baby on the way, I contemplated the wisdom of such a commitment. Dogs are a committment! Still, I thought, if a Springer Spaniel comes my way, I'll consider it. Of course I checked want ads and kept my eyes and ears peeled for a prospect. As it always happens, if you go looking, even peripherally, often what you seek presents itself. Yesterday I saw and ad for a purebred Springer. I fell in love with him on first sight. Not yet quite a year old goregous specimen he is. He came right up to me, nose to nose. I knew I wanted to take this one home. 'What's his name?" I asked. When they told me "Elijah" I nearly started crying. Elijah is the name I'd have given my boy if I am to have a son. Everyone tells me I'm going to have a girl (I'm only at 16 weeks so I don't know yet.) Well, maybe I'll have my Elijah boy and a baby girl both in the same year. Elijah is fitting in beautifully already. He's going to be a grand new companion around here. We already checked out the property, he shows no interest in chasing my chickens (yet) and while out exploring the woods I let him off leash and he never strayed far, coming back to me when called. This is the start of what I envision will be a beautiful long relationship. I'm so happy! |
Hi ((Expresso)) ((Fall) happy for you, having your new companion Elijah...your place sounds so beautiful, you are so fortunate to have your business right at home....especially doing what you love... |
Hi Gang, Grateful2b just contacted me to let us know that her mother passed away yesterday. Thankfully Grateful had a chance to see her mom before she died and spend some time with her. She is doing alright and will be back soon. Prayers going out to Grateful and her family. :Val004: |
Prayers for Grateful and her family.:praying |
My heart goes out to Grateful! Fall, I owe you a huge apology. I have been hit and miss in this thread for the past month or so and had no idea you had lost your beloved Theo! I feel like the world's biggest heel right now! I am so so sorry! I am so happy however that your heart and home had room for Elijah, and I'd be willing to bet that Theo had something to do with sending that boy your way! :) Today's a study day-no day 'off' from college work, but I'm pacing myself. |
Fall, Welcome to Elijah! I am so glad that you found him, that you and he found each other. It is a huge commitment and I'm sure the two of you (and baby-to-be) will enjoy each other for a very long time. I like what you wrote about people wanting more and more of your time. I found the same thing, especially with my kids. I not only could never say 'No' to my kids, I would volunteer even more of my time. I truly believed it was what I was 'supposed' to do. And, had I given a portion of that time to myself, I would have been alright, but I didn't. I gave until I was empty, and then I fell apart. Looking back, I can't believe that I never thought giving time to myself was worthwhile. |
Many, many prayers going out to (((Grateful)))...thanks for letting us know, ((Anna)). I'm glad she got to see her mom. ((Fall)) - Elijah sounds like a joy to have around:) Since Anvil, here, is a good friend of mine, her new puppy is my "neice" and I get pictures and updates, along with her other dog, who is my "nephew". Wonder if I'm the only one who has 4-legged neices and nephews? I came to post here, this morning, and fell asleep again. Brit had a sleep-over with a couple of friends. They woke me up, once, I yelled at her, but put my earplugs in and went right back to sleep. Dad called me at work, last night. He rarely does this, unless it's important. It was NOT important, and as soon as I said "hello" he snapped my head off. I had customers in front of me, so told him "I'll take care of it, I'm busy" and hung up. I then went outside, called him back, and let him have it. I told him that when HE is working, I always ask "are you busy? do you have a minute?" and I expect the same courtesy. He said "I was only going to take 15 seconds of your time". I told him I didn't care if it was FIVE seconds, he was rude and his behavior was unacceptable!! He apologized, but it put me in an irritable mood the rest of the night...something I obviously still have to work on. Luckily, I wasn't irritable with the customers, and made good tips. It probably didn't help that I was very, very sore. I'd forgotten to wear the lidoderm patch, but I'm about to find them and put one on, before going to work. Sonny couldn't believe I was working, when I have a dr's excuse NOT to work. I told him "I need the money"....trying to teach him about priorities, like paying bills first, "fun" stuff later, and you don't just not come to work 'cause you don't feel like it, then whine 'cause you need money. Hugs and prayers! Amy |
((Anna)) what you just posted reminded me of what I read the other day in a book called Day by day, Love is a choice. You are important, valuable, and significant. Centering your life around other people to the degree that you become unbalanced in your relationships is not good. When you focus on other people's needs, wants, or desires at the exclusion of your own, you are not functioning in a healthy manner. Codependents develop these unhealthy relationships to avoid facing the negative beliefs they hold about themselves.. |
SG, You are absolutely right! Looking back on it, it's so easy to see, and yet at the time... Fact is, I wasn't whole when I got married. As an abused child, I 'survived', rather than grew up and then got married at 21. I became a wife and then a mother and those roles were comfortable for me. It wasn't until years later that I realized I no idea who I was. Amy, I do hope you feel better soon and that the patches give you some relief. |
You are reading from the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie MARCH 22 LETTING GO OF BEING A VICTIM It's okay to have a good day. Really. It's okay to be doing okay and to feel like our life is manageable and on track. Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like and approve of us, we think. We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim. We are not victims. We do not need to be victimized. We do not need to be helpless and out of control to get the attention and love we desire. In fact, the kind of love we are seeking cannot be obtained that way. We can get the love we really want and need by only owning our power. We learn that we can stand on our own two feet, even though it sometimes feels good to lean a little. We learn that the people we are leaning on are not holding us up. They are standing next to us. We all have bad days--days when things aren't going the way we'd like, days when we have feelings of sadness and fear. But we can deal with our bad days and darker feelings in ways that reflect self-responsibility rather than victimization. It's okay to have a good day too. We might not have as much to talk about, but we'll have more to enjoy. God, help me let go of my need to be a victim. Help me let go of my belief that to be loved and get attention I need to be a victim. Surround me with people who love me when I own my power. Help me start having good days and enjoying them. |
Wow, today's reading reminds me of all those days when I'd be having a good day, and be wondering "so what's going to happen to screw it up?". I was so used to chaos and drama, if it wasn't in my life, I would subconsciously CREATE it! I'd spend more money than I had, create an argument about nothing...anything to stir up trouble...then I could be the victim and be "comfortable". Glad I don't have to do that any more! I'm finally to the point where I will do just about anything to AVOID drama and chaos...it keeps finding me, though:( The coworker who tried to get me in trouble, a couple of weeks ago, has stirred up things again. This situation had nothing to do with me, but she has the person involved, convinced it is my fault. After some vague innuendos, I went to my mgr., Marilyn, and she talked to the girl who IS involved (we suspect her of taking money, but can't prove it, so are just watching her). The good news is, Marilyn has had it with both "girls" (they're in their 30's, but act like they're Brit's age!) and they may not have their jobs much longer. I discussed this with my other favorite mgr, and he agreed with my plan...just do my job, keep my mouth shut, and give them enough rope to hang themselves. I think HP has decided I need to work more, on not letting other people "get" to me, so He's giving me a lot of practice. Oh, and dad apologized, again, for the phone call. He explained why he was upset, and once I saw where he was coming from (fear), it made more sense. It still doesn't make it okay, but I'm glad that we can talk things out, these days, and not let resentments build up. The patch didn't help much, so I guess it will just take time for the soreness to go away. There are a couple of things I've asked people to do for me at work, as it's too much heavy lifting, but I do more of the other stuff, so no problem there. This all just reminds me to be grateful for my normal good health and that I can still do my job. Hugs and prayers! Amy |
(((Grateful))) SG, thanks for continuing the Beattie readings while Grateful is out mourning the loss of her mother. My heart goes out to her. Thank you all for the enthusiastic response to the arrival of my new bud Elijah! Oh he's a wonderful companion, behaving just as a dog should, being playful and excited about life while always sticking close nearby, and NOT chasing my chickens (yet.) Freedom, but of course it's entirely OK that you didn't read of my mention of the loss of my dear beloved bud Theo! This is a busy active thread, so much ongoing here! I'm so grateful for the care and attention we all give to each other as life progresses, as we have time to offer it! My goodness, just think of all that's gone on in our lives in the relatively short time this thread has been ongoing! It's a place of precious refuge for us, and that's a beautiful thing.
Originally Posted by SerenityGirl
(Post 2158756)
You are important, valuable, and significant. Centering your life around other people to the degree that you become unbalanced in your relationships is not good. When you focus on other people's needs, wants, or desires at the exclusion of your own, you are not functioning in a healthy manner. Codependents develop these unhealthy relationships to avoid facing the negative beliefs they hold about themselves.. Impurrfect, our four legged nieces, nephews, and kids! I think of my dogs as my girl and my boy. Of course not quite the same as one would think of a human, but in their own right, they are my dependents. And I love that responsibility of being parent/ owner, and "auntie" to those pets of my siblings. Animals bring such happiness and joy. Alright, onward with another day. The sun is shining and life is good. I'm going to try my hand at making cranberry scones today. Ah, the simple pleasures of life! And hey, if they don't turn out, the chickens and dogs will enjoy them for whatever they are. Even if they turn out good Vixen and Elijah might get one... |
G2b I hope you and your family are sharing the peace your mother has now. I have been isolating myself dealing with some things this part week, but really trying to use what I have learned here to help me work through it. Thank you again for what you have given me, you are in my thoughts. |
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