New start
 

Just smoked what was left. I really need to reclaim my life.
Let this be the mark of a new start!

Thank you for your support :You_Rock_

Great to see you back Teo :)

D

Prayers

Hi teodore, good luck to you! You got this:-)

Day 1.
Craving and feeling insecure to be honest.

welcome back, Teo ! You know the steps - just keep dancing through them ! Freedom will come with time.

Thank you all for the warmth welcome.
But I failed ... on Day 1 ... I'm sorry ... called the dealer and etc ...

I'm not giving up in the long term though ... but I'm certainly loosing faith in myself.

Anyway ... thank you ...

you can do it! Love yourself through it. It is just the intention-- it is ok to fail. Just do what you have to do until you really really want to quit! Let yourself enjoy another week of it. Or a couple of days, guilt free. Be proud of yourself for the great job you have done with all your recent quits. I think they all add up. It is not for nothing. Just because you relapsed, it doesn't take away the value of the hard work you put in to all that sober time you had!
For me I am just past three months and this is the longest I have gone in YEARS.
Just like you I tried and failed to quit a zillion times. You have more sober time this year than I do!
You can do it again. It seems SO daunting when you are in what I think of as the pot forest. But remember this: when you are in the pot forest, you literally are worshipping the God of Pot- and it becomes the center of the world. It is fun for a while but then it makes it seem like life without pot is terrible, But once you get past the first two or three weeks of cravings, by just choosing to say no over and over and over and distracting yourself, then it becomes a lot easier and a new normal.

what made you give in Teo?

D

Hey WindyTown, thank you for your words! It means a lot.
I dunno, is hard to say that I even enjoy it anymore. I think I smoke it more of fear maybe.

Dee - well, I felt quite bad in the morning, had breakfast, felt nausea, then vomited like half my breakfast, then was feeling quite ******, had some headache and then just wanted to get high to ... I dunno ... just be high and in this "safe" bubble sort of.

Dunno just wanted to get high and decided that I it would be better to stop during the weekend more so that in working days.

It got quite bad that time ... not eating enough ... not exercising and I used to do that 4-5 times a week at least for years. Not going out a lot mostly staying home. Passing deadlines. Making debts with high interest. Not taking care of essential stuff. Obsessive thoughts BIG time and fears, paranoia, anxiety and etc. Not being able to work. I've been calling sick because of it, although I really am, but I think the main reason not to be able to work and etc is pot. I think I can continue the list ...

I'm considering seeing a therapist, but it will take time before it has positive effect and also I'll need money to be able to go regurarly, so I need to stop pot beforehand. I really need to stop urgently, I'm coughing really badly, mostly due to smoking I believe, also because I'm sick, but it's bad, I'm having troubles getting to sleep sometimes and yet I continue to smoke and a lot.

You know, I see how crazy it is and how badly it affects and has affected my life and yet ... Those of you who know me know that this is not nearly my first attempt to stop and it soon will be two years that I'm on this forum as well.

Every time is different though ... I look at all the time and energy and possibilities wasted and I'm like ... but maybe there was a reason to it.
I dunno, maybe this whole addiction thing is sometimes here to teach us to be stronger, more disciplined and better people. But we need to get over it and work on improving our lives and etc.

Anyway ... I need to get myself together and it's not just to stop smoking, but also to have this plan of action to start improving my life and etc, to rewire and etc.

I'm rumbling but I need to vent out. There are a TON of things to be grateful for in my life, don't get me wrong, but it's also this utter chaos right now in a lot of aspects and I just need to sort things out. To get more out of life. To live life to a greater potential and etc. I've had glimpses of what it could be like and etc. But it takes devotion, time, energy and patience. And it's not just to stop smoking pot, but much more than that as well.

I'm still smoking, even recently smoked and will smoke more most probably, but I know that I want and need and will stop and it has to be/will be very soon.

Thank you for being here for me despite of all the failed attempts and etc.
It means a lot! :You_Rock_

I think you have to expect a least a few days of feeling like crud - you've been through this before tho and you know it passes :)

Sounds like things are becoming more and more unmanageable?

The longer you smoke the worse it all gets and the harder it's going to be to quit again whatever your plan is, I'd get on it ASAP.

I'm not sure that addiction can teach you a whole lot, but recovery can :)

D

Keep going Teo :)

Day 2

Didn't wanted to post until I get at least to Day 2.
So here I am :)

Thank you!

Hi Teodor. BIG congrats on day 2! First couple are the worst. I'm finishing up day 13. Probably the longest i've been sober in at least a decade. Is there any particular time of day that's the hardest for you?

That's a good start Teodor :c014:

D

Welcome back Teodor!

Thank you! Rocked through Day 3. Forward we go!

mm1741 keep up the good work!!! What you're doing is amazing.
Hmm I dunno if there's particular time when it's the hardest.

I generally feel more tired, less appetite (although I've lost it while smoking as well, all I wanted was to smoke not so much to eat etc, plus the cough and etc), intrusive thoughts and etc etc all the normal stuff.

But apart from that at moments I feel more energized, more clear headed, more motivated, more optimistic and etc.

So it's up and downs which is pretty normal.
I really liked one thought though, that when giving up addiction we should focus not on not using and etc, but on building our new and better lives and also to give urgency to this.

It really helps, because that way you're not giving up anything (which is the case anyway), but rather wining everything!

Thank you for the support! :)

Thank you, teodor. I strongly agree regarding focusing on the positives of sobriety rather than the negatives of using. There are SO many good things about not being a slave to addiction and facing the world through sober eyes.

The past 2 days i've been wallowing a bit, feeling sorry and wanting everything to be better (typical addict behavior). I want you to know that reading your post really helped me. I hope you take that to heart. Reaching out has always been probably one of the biggest issues for me; I get into moods where I just want to isolate, which of course feeds addiction. The second week has been way harder than the first for me, at least emotionally. A close friend who has almost a year of sobriety (also weed DOC) told me that the second week was the worst for him, too. I am so grateful for a place like this where we can support each other.

I'm glad I can help, mm1741, it means a lot!
Post here whenever you need to. Have you thought about creating your own topic, like a journal, where you can track your progress, thoughts, etc ? I think it would be of great help for you.

Day 4 here ;)

Thank you! Forward we go! :)

Day 8 here!

There were some ups and downs which is pretty normal, still a lot to do and improve, but things are moving forward!

Thank you for your support! :)